Sharehouse sex etiquette (for guests)

July 24, 2011

It’s none of my business who my housemate brings home for a one night stand, except when that one night stand walks into my room butt naked at 4.30am in the morning and thinks it’s hilarious that she interrupted my favourite kind of sleep - Friday night sleep after a week of early wake up calls - then it does become my business.

When visiting someone’s home for a sexual rendezvous, the younger generations seem to have lost all sense of modesty and respect. Maybe it’s because of all the graphic sex scenes and casual nudity on television, in movies and on the Internet. Reality is a bit different to TV so I thought I’d write a few basic guidelines for the younglings to follow:
  1. Close the front door behind you when you enter - it’s common sense
  2. Cover up when leaving your fuck buddy’s bedroom - it’s modest
  3. Learn the difference between left and right so you can find the bathroom
  4. Don’t walk into other housemates' bedrooms butt naked - it’s rude
  5. Don't walk into other housemates' bedrooms butt naked twice - it's really rude
  6. Don’t wake all the housemates up then laugh about waking them up - it’s disrespectful
  7. If you’ve failed to do all of the above it's best to sneak out unseen the next day
In retrospect, it was really our fault for not making our linearly designed house easier to navigate - the hallway does go in two directions after all (up/down). In my follow up Sharehouse Sex Etiquette (For Housemates) post, I will suggest housemates put printed photos of their heads on bedroom doors and a picture of a toilet on the toilet door to help random sex partners find their way.

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