Mum Pham passed away on August 17, 2011 but we honour her memory on August 17 in the lunar calendar, which this year falls on August 31, 2015.
Mother's Day had me thinking about Mum Pham as it always does. Mum Pham loved watching TV game shows like Wheel of Fortune and the Price is Right because she got a thrill from seeing other people's happiness. She didn't care about the actual games, some of the time I don't think she even understood what was going on in the show but every afternoon like clockwork she'd be at the TV enjoying other people winning because happiness breeds happiness.
It's Dad Pham's 68th birthday today! 2012-13 has been a bit rough on my papa. He is finally starting to feel his age. Dad Pham used to be Mr. Invincible - never had a health problem. Well, body health issue. Dad's had schizophrenia brought on by PTSD from the Vietnam War since before we were born but that's a story for another day. Today's story is about dad's body health.
Mr Invincible never tripped or walked into furniture so I can't recall him ever having a bruise or scratch. The 'klutz gene' that afflicts Little Sissy Pham and I definitely came from Mum's side of The Phamly. Dad drastically lost weight right after Mum died so we thought it was heartbreak. In a way it could be heartbreak that triggered his type 2 diabetes and the army of polyps in his intestines. He never had health issues when Mum was around. I like to romanticise it and think it's because he needed to be fit to take care of her.
Dad's been in hospital twice so far this year, once scheduled "it's easy, I cleanse, they make me sleep, I wake up and I eat", once emergency "I'm in hospital because my vision's blurry and I eat too much." Yes, Dad Pham has a great way of simplifying his health complications for us. English as a second language may also have something to do with it. His health scare is the real reason I've been nicer to my body lately though saying 'science called me fat' made it sound more fun.
Dad LOVES hospital food an insane amount so he's not too phased by his health scares but it makes me realise these are my final days (I hope years) of having a parent. Some one looking out for me no matter the stupid things I do, who worries when I'm sick and prays I get better, who wants my life to be easy and comfortable, who'll always support me even when they think vegetarianism is a waste of effort and silly.
Dad LOVES hospital food an insane amount so he's not too phased by his health scares but it makes me realise these are my final days (I hope years) of having a parent. Some one looking out for me no matter the stupid things I do, who worries when I'm sick and prays I get better, who wants my life to be easy and comfortable, who'll always support me even when they think vegetarianism is a waste of effort and silly.
Happy Mothers Day to all parents out there. Thanks for making us kids!
I can't make this post funny. If you're reading this because you've lost a loved one and don't know where to begin organising a Buddhist-meets-Western funeral in Australia, then this is for you with my sincerest condolences.
WHAT TO DO
1. Contact your loved one's buddhist temple and ask them to recommend a funeral home OR contact a funeral home and ask them to recommend a buddhist temple. Sadly, people die every day so while it may be new to you, the monks and funeral directors have experience and can guide you.
2. I found this site very helpful with the steps you need to take immediately after your loved one has passed - http://www.funeral-info.com.au/index.php/what-to-do.
3. Funerals are insanely expensive. It will vary for everyone but hopefully my spreadsheet below gives you a basic guide on things to consider. I wish I'd had something like this to help me prepare.
4. Take care of yourself.
WHAT TO DO
1. Contact your loved one's buddhist temple and ask them to recommend a funeral home OR contact a funeral home and ask them to recommend a buddhist temple. Sadly, people die every day so while it may be new to you, the monks and funeral directors have experience and can guide you.
3. Funerals are insanely expensive. It will vary for everyone but hopefully my spreadsheet below gives you a basic guide on things to consider. I wish I'd had something like this to help me prepare.
4. Take care of yourself.
I'm sorry it took me 1.5 years to post this. It took a while for my grief to run its course. In loving memory of Mum Pham.
When Dad Pham can't find me in the supermarket, he naturally assumes that I've been kidnapped. Just like Mum Pham assumes I'm dead when I don't return her calls within the hour. Or how I assumed the jade bracelet Mum gave me was a special gift of love, luck and well-being. Boy, were we dead wrong on all counts.
It was Mother's Day the day after Dad Pham's 67th birthday. To celebrate, Little Sissy Pham nearly ran over Dad Pham with her car - I assume to honour Mum Pham's memory by taking out her living competition? Sissy Pham reckons she technically only nearly knocked him over with a part of her car (the open door)… yeah, because there's a real difference. Either way, she nearly killed our father the day after his birthday.
I used a less aggressive approach to Mother's Day. I took inspiration from the awesome Book of J.E.M. my friends made me and made a photo memory book to give to my Sister-Not-In-Law, the mother of the two most beautiful nieces an overbearing Aunty could ask for. I've taken some hilarious, sweet, cute, crazy, embarassing photos of the girls over the past 8-9 years. My goal was to mortify them on their 21st birthdays but the photos came in handy earlier than anticipated.
I viewed and mapped and planned and counted and culled and edited and printed and cut and pasted then decorated 233 photos into a 50-page craft book for the whole day. It took about 10 hours in total and one nearly burst blood vessel when Mini-Me (niece #2) tried to help and messed up my OCD-quality ordered stack of photos (Big Brother Pham had to herd her away before I died from self-restraint) but we got there in the end!
I wish I'd taken a photo of the finished product with all the Pham's handwritten notes inside the cover but by the time I remembered to, Little Sissy Pham had already gift wrapped it. You'll just have to trust me when I say the PhamLe Mother's Day book of 2012 is awesome.
We also did a Buddhist cermonial prayer for Mum Pham, which Dad wants to make our new tradition because it's happier than the annual ceremony we'll do for her day of passing. The ceremony involves incense, sending love to mum and eating food so I'm all for it. Hope everyone had a nice Mother's Day too!
It's amazing how perceptive kids can sometimes be. Especially when you've seen them in an Easter Egg hunt where they can't even find the bright yellow egg resting on a green lawn out in the open right by their feet. Look down! Look down! Right there! See? It's right in front of you. Look! LOOK THERE! Finally an older kid swoops in, takes the egg from under their nose and the pulsing stress vein in my neck subsides until I try to help find the next egg.
Mini-me (as I like to call my middling niece because she has a big face, is stubborn as a mule and says bizarre things like her Aunty Knock) was scrolling through my iPhone photos at my pyjama birthday party (pyjama themed because I spent my birthday on the couch with a bag of potato chips and my new best friend Ellen Degeneres, then mini-me rocked up in her pyjamas because it was her bedtime as soon as dinner and ice-cream cake was done, the rest of the Phamly wore real clothes because they have real lives) when she came across Mum Pham's plaque and said, 'That's Ba.' (Ba, being short for grandma in Vietnamese).
It was one of those freakish moments where kids know more than they should. We asked her to confirm, 'Where's Ba?' She turned in a confused full circle to look for grandma in the house. And snap - she was back to being the kid who kept missing the Easter egg basket and finding the same egg that she had just dropped over and over until her father finally stepped in to break the vicious cycle.
It's Mum Pham's birthday today. Coincidentally, the lady resting head-to-head with her shares the same birth date too. Happy Birthday, ladies. It was my birthday on Valentine's Day. Happy Birthday, me too. And the other four Pham girls had their birthdays in January. How many Aquarians can you fit into one Phamly? Very many.
Mini-me (as I like to call my middling niece because she has a big face, is stubborn as a mule and says bizarre things like her Aunty Knock) was scrolling through my iPhone photos at my pyjama birthday party (pyjama themed because I spent my birthday on the couch with a bag of potato chips and my new best friend Ellen Degeneres, then mini-me rocked up in her pyjamas because it was her bedtime as soon as dinner and ice-cream cake was done, the rest of the Phamly wore real clothes because they have real lives) when she came across Mum Pham's plaque and said, 'That's Ba.' (Ba, being short for grandma in Vietnamese).
It was one of those freakish moments where kids know more than they should. We asked her to confirm, 'Where's Ba?' She turned in a confused full circle to look for grandma in the house. And snap - she was back to being the kid who kept missing the Easter egg basket and finding the same egg that she had just dropped over and over until her father finally stepped in to break the vicious cycle.
It's Mum Pham's birthday today. Coincidentally, the lady resting head-to-head with her shares the same birth date too. Happy Birthday, ladies. It was my birthday on Valentine's Day. Happy Birthday, me too. And the other four Pham girls had their birthdays in January. How many Aquarians can you fit into one Phamly? Very many.
I learned the full story of my diamond ring yesterday. Mum Pham gave me her favourite ring last year. She'd been trying to get me to take it for over a year but seeing as how the most expensive thing I owned was a $1400 MacBook and I couldn't even take care of that properly, I didn't want to take it. A MacBook is big, white and hardy yet I managed to sit or step on it a number of times and now some parts of the casing are being held together by Miffy sticky tape. No way was I accepting a priceless Phamly heirloom!
I finally accepted the ring over Easter 2011 while I was visiting The Phamly after wearing a cheap mood ring to train myself in the art of wearing and not losing a ring. I did lose it once at the very beginning when I took it off for a cooking session then forgot about it but I didn't make the same mistake again so after 6 months I decided I was ready to graduate from ring training wheels to the real deal.
Mum Pham told me the ring was a gift from Grandpa for doing well at university and it's her most cherished piece of jewellery so she'd like it to be a Phamly heirloom. Dad Pham told me yesterday that the original ring was left behind in Vietnam when Mum fled the country because the communists would take it if they found it. Years later, Sixth Aunty (the braver, defiant and hot-headed one who talked back at the commies for bullying her sisters - threats of beatings/being disappeared be damned! And yet she has a hysterical fear of chilli) removed the diamonds from its original ring to sneak it out of Vietnam when she migrated to Germany.
This new ring was cast by ze Germans and is one of the most beautiful ring designs I have ever seen. It even has tiny diamonds encrusted in each leaf of the spiral flower. I wear it proudly as a reminder of Mum Pham. Now it also reminds me of the stubborn streak in The Phamly bloodline and that I'm lucky Mum & Dad moved to a country where I can wear a diamond ring with the fear of being mugged by common thieves and not the authorities.
Happy Australia Day, indeed.
I finally accepted the ring over Easter 2011 while I was visiting The Phamly after wearing a cheap mood ring to train myself in the art of wearing and not losing a ring. I did lose it once at the very beginning when I took it off for a cooking session then forgot about it but I didn't make the same mistake again so after 6 months I decided I was ready to graduate from ring training wheels to the real deal.
Mum Pham told me the ring was a gift from Grandpa for doing well at university and it's her most cherished piece of jewellery so she'd like it to be a Phamly heirloom. Dad Pham told me yesterday that the original ring was left behind in Vietnam when Mum fled the country because the communists would take it if they found it. Years later, Sixth Aunty (the braver, defiant and hot-headed one who talked back at the commies for bullying her sisters - threats of beatings/being disappeared be damned! And yet she has a hysterical fear of chilli) removed the diamonds from its original ring to sneak it out of Vietnam when she migrated to Germany.
This new ring was cast by ze Germans and is one of the most beautiful ring designs I have ever seen. It even has tiny diamonds encrusted in each leaf of the spiral flower. I wear it proudly as a reminder of Mum Pham. Now it also reminds me of the stubborn streak in The Phamly bloodline and that I'm lucky Mum & Dad moved to a country where I can wear a diamond ring with the fear of being mugged by common thieves and not the authorities.
Happy Australia Day, indeed.
I have inherited many quirky qualities from Mum Pham. One of my favourite is her fondness of knives. My collection grew over five years down south – every year I’d come back for a visit and take another knife or two with me. It got to a point where I could spend an hour on the weekend sharpening and fondling them. Not creepy at all.
I’ve given away all the knives I had in Melbourne to my more kitchenable friends. Mum Pham would kill me if I gave her good knives to inept cooks but she can rest in peace knowing that my dear friends are all living in danger of accidentally hacking their fingers off with her blades.
Only half joking. Unless they're half a buffoon, they're much more likely to hurt themselves with a blunt blade than with a good blade that cuts true. I often crap on about it to no one who will listen that a blunt knife is not worth cooking with just as a kitchen with less than three peelers is not worth cooking in (the peelers is a blog post for another day).
Mum Pham favoured German brands because all her best blades, to this day, were the ones she brought over from Germany before importing/exporting was all the rage. We once bought Mum Pham a 20cm Wusthof Cook's Knife and she almost stabbed us it was so pricey but she settled for smacking us with the flat of the blade because she secretly loved it and wouldn't want to blunt the edges on our stubborn bones.
If you couldn't tell from my blog name, I love my Phamly to bits. Sadly, love can't keep your loved ones alive in the flesh forever. Mum Pham's passing has been the most heart breaking experience of my life. Fortunately for me, she raised us kiddies to be strong, grounded and to be there for The Phamly.
Right now I'm being completely emo and mopey to my beloved friends but I won't tell you about that 'cause it's private. Lucky for you, they get my snot and tears while you get some of my favourite photos of Mum Pham.
This is Mumma Pham and Daddy Pham on their wedding day. I pretty much have Mum Pham's face so this will be me in 8 years. Hopefully I won't be marrying my own father but maybe I'll tell a fart joke and we'll both laugh like it's the best day ever.
This is Mum Pham with one of my German cousins (German in locale, not blood heritage). I don't know his name. There are lots of cousins, I lose track. Let's hope he doesn't know my name either so he will never find my blog and see that his idiot cousin is not only an idiot but an idiot that doesn't know his name.
At some point, kids happened and Mum Pham got a bit chubby. She hated being in photos in her later years so I won't share them with the Internet. Instead here is one of Mum Pham's favourite photos of me with Big Brother Pham.
This is another of Mum Pham's favourites and probably one of Little Sissy Pham's favourites too because it's the only time in her life where she got to boss Big Sissy Pham.
This last photo is of Mum Pham at yum cha. It was a happy day. One of the happiest I can remember. I was up visiting so the whole Phamly was together. Grandchildren were healthy and happy, running around playing and laughing. The sun was shining and everyone dressed nicely for the rare occasion where Mum Pham didn't have to cook. She hardly ever let us take her out for food because it's too expensive. We usually didn't argue because Mum Pham's cooking is the best in the universe. Still, it's nice to treat your mum every now and then!
It makes me happy to know I'll be a cute little old Asian lady like Mum Pham one day. Thanks for sharing your beautiful genes and BIG love, Mummy Pham. I'll live the best life I can to honour your gifts.
If I make you spring rolls, it means that I really like you because it’s a laborious task to make Mum Pham’s deliciously good looking and tasting spring rolls. There’s the finely chopping of everything in the mix, the delicate layered hand-rolling of every single spring roll, the frying and then washing herbs, lettuce, boiling noodle, pickling carrots, chopping cucumber and making dipping sauce.
Clearly, I don’t like you very much because I couldn’t be bothered making spring rolls just so I can take photos for my blog readers. Instead these are some photos of my spring rolls scavenged from my friends’ Facebook photos.
Ingredients:
The last step is to fry the spring rolls. The oil depth should be just a little less than the depth of a spring roll so that they don’t float about in the oil and you can line them up neatly. Cook until the pastry is golden brown then take out and put on paper towel or baking rack to get rid of some of the oil.
Spring rolls can be a picnic or party snack on its own or a dinner feast served with rice vermicelli noodles, bean sprouts, pickled carrots, chopped cucumber, mixed Viet herbs and plenty of Viet lettuce for rolling. Dip in Mum Pham’s delicious fish sauce mix.
Clearly, I don’t like you very much because I couldn’t be bothered making spring rolls just so I can take photos for my blog readers. Instead these are some photos of my spring rolls scavenged from my friends’ Facebook photos.
Ingredients:
- Cooking oil for frying
- 2 x packs of Tyj Spring Roll pastry
- 1 x large onion or 2 x small onions
- 2-3 carrots
- 1 x sweet potato
- 1 x Yuccca root – I use the frozen ones because half the Yucca is usually enough starchiness, but you can use fresh too. It’s messier though.
- 1 x packet 85g dried Viet black mushroom
- 1 x can of water chestnut
- 1 x pack pre-fried tofu (or ground pork if you’re a meat eater)
- 1 x pack glass noodle
- 2 x eggs
- Finely dice the onion
- Shred the carrots, sweet potato and Yucca (you have no idea how much I LURVE my food processor for this step – it used to take me three hours to make the filling, now it takes me 1)
- Soak the dried black mushroom in water for 10mins until soft then finely chop
- Soak the glass noodles (same water is fine) just to soften it a tiny bit, which makes cutting into 2cm pieces with scissors easier. Or you can cut it while it’s hard and dry and see how much you can get in the bowl ‘cause most of it will go flying
- Chop the water chestnut into 2cm x 0.5cm long bits – it’s labourious but this delicious chestnut gives the spring roll a real crunch that makes it worth it
- Slice the pre-fried tofu into the same size bits as the water chestnut
- Crack in some black pepper
- Crack in two egg yolks on top of that - keep the egg white to seal spring roll pastry later
- Dig in with your hands and mix it all together!
The last step is to fry the spring rolls. The oil depth should be just a little less than the depth of a spring roll so that they don’t float about in the oil and you can line them up neatly. Cook until the pastry is golden brown then take out and put on paper towel or baking rack to get rid of some of the oil.
Spring rolls can be a picnic or party snack on its own or a dinner feast served with rice vermicelli noodles, bean sprouts, pickled carrots, chopped cucumber, mixed Viet herbs and plenty of Viet lettuce for rolling. Dip in Mum Pham’s delicious fish sauce mix.
INGREDIENTS
Pancake mix:
4 cups rice flour
6 cups cold water
5 beaten eggs
2 tablespoons tumeric powder
1 tablespoon curry powder
4 spring onions, thinly sliced
1 tablespoon white vinegar
For frying:
Meaty version
3 medium onions, 1-2cm slices
500g bean sprouts
500g shrimps, discard heads and tails
500g pork belly, thinly slicedVego version
3 medium onions, 1-2cm slices
500g bean sprouts
500g pre-fried tofu, thinly sliced300g mushroom, thinly sliced
1. Make the pancake mix by throwing all the ingredients listed above and stirring
2. Heat a frying pan to super hot and pre-fry the onions, pork or tofu, prawn or mushroom
3. Push the contents of the pan onto one half of the pan.
4. Pour a thin layer of the pancake mix around the whole pan face - pick up the pan and swirl it around until the mix is evenly distributed and round (no matter if there's the odd gap)
5. Cover the pan with a lid and leave for about a minute to cook the surface of the mix
6. Put some bean sprout on the half of the pancake with the pre-fried filling and cover with the lid and leave to cook for another minute.
7. Once bean sprouts are cooked (look a little grey), take off the lid and let the pancake fry until the edges start to curl and crisp.
8. Fold the pancake in half by flipping the plain side over the side with the filling and put it on a plate.
9. Repeat steps 1-8 another one or two times and start eating!
When The Phamly eats this meal there's usually someone manning the pans because the dish is best enjoyed hot off the stove. We usually eat the pancake wrapped in lettuce with mint, basil, cucumber and pickled carrot and dipped in fish sauce.
I can't be arsed typing out how to roll it etc. It all ends up mushed in your gut anyway so do what you like!
Captain Catman likes them.
image: what the finished product should look like from foodforfour.com
(because i can't be arsed making fish sauce and taking a picture)
(because i can't be arsed making fish sauce and taking a picture)
Hello world, there's a lot of advertising around for breath mints and chewing gums and tooth and mouth cleaning products but what about the promotion of bad breath? I'm going to do my part to help balance out the universe by sharing Mum Pham's Fish Sauce Mix recipe.
Fishy version
- 1 cup fish sauce
- 1 cup sugar
- 2 cups boiled water (dissolve the sugar in the boiled water)
- 1/4 white vinegar
- 1/4 lemon juice
- 2-3 cloves of garlic, crushed/finely diced
- Finely diced fresh chilli optional!
- 1 tablespoon salt
- 1 cup sugar
- 2 cups boiled water (dissolve the sugar in the boiled water)
- 1/4 white vinegar
- 1/4 lemon juice
- 2-3 cloves of garlic, crushed/finely diced
- 1 drop of yellow colouring
- Finely diced fresh chilli optional!