KEEP IT IN THE PHAMLY

I went to see the live action Beauty & The Beast (2017) on the weekend because I loved the Disney animation as a kid and throughout the movie, I found my brain screaming, 'No, no, no, no, NO!' How? What? Huh? Why is one of the most intelligent and vocal feminists of the younger generation starring in a film about a young woman being held against her will and verbally abused by a beast with anger issues? I don't get it. How did this happen?

My acts of Other People's Happiness are usually small things to brighten up some one’s day. They're often temporary bursts of happy, not lasting effects on someone's life. I recently learned one of my small gestures made a difference when I finally met the stranger I’d helped years ago.

This year a project I was working on called for young, inspirational Australian talent. I couldn't think of anyone better than Nasir Sobhani, The Streets Barber, who gives free haircuts to the homeless on his days off from work. It had been years since we'd been in touch, but when I contacted him he was happy to take part.

On the day he flew to Brisbane, I'd considered going on-set to say hi but didn't want to crowd the team so decided to leave them be. A colleague at the shoot told me Nasir wanted to meet me and thank me in person so I made the trek over. I'm so glad I did because I learned how he's gotten his life into an amazing place the past few years.

When I introduced myself, Nasir gave me a big hug and told me he wouldn't have done this project if it wasn't me who had asked. He said yes because he wanted to return my good karma from way back when. My heart nearly burst when he told me. What a kind soul! He flew interstate and gave up his day for me because of one small act years back.

Years earlier I'd reached out to a stranger whose inspirational story moved me to take what little action I could. I was watching The Project on TV when they interviewed a young man who was recovering from addiction, trying to get his life together and walking the streets of Melbourne giving free haircuts to the homeless so that they could have a clean start like he did. He was also looking for paid barber work.

I found his contact details on Instagram and asked if he'd like an introduction to my former employer, who had a barbershop in their store. It was the only thing I could think to do. I couldn't guarantee a job but it was worth a shot. Would you believe it was Nasir's dream to work there? He, being super talented and humble, of course got the job and that's where our story ended. Until recently.

At the shoot, I learned that Nasir finished his studies, and the work experience he got with my old employer helped him get sponsored by another barbershop so he could stay in Australia (speaking of, this Canadian has just been nominated for the 2017 Australian Of The Year Award). Wow! I love when life gives back to good people who do so much for others. Nasir told me he's got exciting things on the horizon that will spread the love and good karma even further than he ever imagined. If you want to follow his journey like I do, check out his Instagram @thestreetsbarber. His posts serve as a reminder that there are good people in the world doing good things, inspiring others to do the same. I feel blessed to have played a small part in his journey, and can't wait to see what this remarkable human does next.

"We may know who we are or we may not. We may be Muslims, Jews or Christians but until our hearts become the mould for every heart we will see only our differences" - Rumi #thestreetsbarber #cleancutcleanstart

A post shared by Nasir Sobhani (@thestreetsbarber) on Dec 25, 2016 at 10:27pm PST

Birthday celebrations weren't really a thing growing up in The Phamly because making it a thing would cost money we didn't have. We usually only got birthday cakes and presents when our full-time employed cousins treated us, and I hope they know how special that made us feel.

I think that's why whenever it's a work friend's birthday, and especially when they don't want to make a big deal about it, I try to do a little something to make them feel special even if it's just buying their lunch or morning coffee. Or in Ibis' case, a bunch of his favourite plain Dorito corn chips.

Ibis managed to chomp through them all in 5 work days, which included a weekend so essentially he celebrated his birthday for a week proving a little gesture can go a long way. Job well done, me! I hope he felt a little glee every time he saw his shelf of Doritos or opened a fresh bag. Other People's Happiness is the best.

If you haven't already, read Part 1 of German Cousin's interview so you know my cousin's background and how he came to be so close to my parents and was able to send me Phamly photos I've never seen before. Above is baby me with Big Brother Pham and German Cousin. Below is Little Sissy Pham with German Cousin's brother.

Where did you live with my parents? 
When I joined Dad Pham, it was the time your parents prepared for their wedding. We were all living in cậu Mười’s (Uncle 10's) Flat in Giessen. The wedding took place in the City Hall of Giessen. After then, we moved to a new 2-bed-room flat in Giessen West (Check Google Maps for “Krofdorferstr. 176, 35398 Gießen”). Your dad gave up the translator job and started occupational retraining as service engineer for electronics. Your mom started her internship as a pharmacist. Things went well until Dad Pham had his very first schizophrenic episode. He began to drink and got frightened of Viet Cong spies, who followed him.

What do you remember about my mother? What was she like as a person when you knew her?
Your mother got pregnant during this time. It was quite hard time for her, I guess. Busy with the new job, being pregnant, taking care of her sick husband (and his lazy nephew). But I never heard one single complaint from her. She was a person who prefers to give more and take less. She was not needy nor demanding at all.

Were you living with them when Mum was pregnant with my brother? If so, was she a happy pregnant lady? She always made out like pregnancy and childbirth were so easy but I think she didn't want to scare me or my sister. 
I was living with your parents when your mom was pregnant with Big Brother Pham. And I kept living with them when she was pregnant with you and your sister. Actually, I stayed with you all the time until you left Germany for Australia. Even when my parents came to Germany, I decided to stay with Dad Pham and mom. My parents' flat was too small for the whole family. The other reason was Dad Pham. Living with him is very easy. And I was not willing to give up the big freedom (and I’m sure you know it quite well).

After Big Brother Pham was born, we moved to another flat, located in the city center of Giessen (Check Google Maps for “Marktlaubenstr. 5, 35390 Gießen”). The new flat with 3 bed-rooms is old but the location was more convenient and the rent was cheaper. You and Little Sissy Pham were born. The flat had one more room which was unused. So, your dad and mom rented it to anh Thịnh, a young Vietnamese goldsmith working for a jeweller in Marburg (a town near Gießen). Coming back to your questions about your mom and her pregnancy: The births of you all were easy. I think at Big Brother Pham's birth, Dad Pham was still in his first episode. So, your mom went alone to the hospital and gave birth to him on her own. I think your mom is a happy lady, optimistic in all life situations. At least she always showed herself as such.

What do you remember of my father? His worst schizophrenic episodes happened in Germany - were you still living with them when it began? 
For me, the worst schizophrenic episode was the very first one. Maybe, because it came suddenly and we weren’t prepared for it. In this episode, he drank a lot whiskey mixed with Coke (people say that this is a dangerous mix) and was not approachable. Mom couldn’t convince him to go to hospital. At the end, she had to call the police who took him (he was shouting and fighting) with them. The following episodes were not as scary as the first one. Later, Dad Pham came to understand that he needed medical care in such situation. How is the situation now after mom’s death? Does dad still recognize the paranoid periods when they are coming? If not, are you able convince him to go to the hospital?

Dad doesn't have bad episodes anymore! The last time was when I was in university back in 2014 - he woke me up in the middle of the night to drive him to the emergency ward of a hospital because he'd been poisoned by the Viet Cong. He lives with the constant delusion that anything bad is caused by the Viet Cong - he's convinced the aches and pains of a normal, aging body are because of the VC. It's hard to convince him to get medical treatment sometimes for his diabetes and such because he doesn't trust general doctors - he thinks they're working with the communists. But his schizophrenia is very manageable now. 

I moved back from Melbourne to Brisbane to live with him after Mum passed and settle him into a new routine, but he had no issues at all. If anything, Little Sissy Pham and I needed more comforting than Dad did.

When I learned that Michelle Law’s “Single Asian Female” play at the La Boite Theatre in Brisbane had a preview show on my birthday (some of you may call it Valentine's Day), I knew it was destiny. Hello, I’m Always Single, and I’m Asian so I love anything cheap including preview tickets. This night was meant to be.

I haven’t been single on Valentine’s Day the past couple years, but long distance meant I was solo anyways. This year I’m a free agent so for Single Ladies Valentine's Day I took a bunch of my single and not-as-single ladies to the show for Valentine’s Day.

I cannot recommend Single Asian Female enough - it is the best live theatre I have seen in years, possibly ever. You don't need to be single, Asian or female to relate to the characters. There is so much heart and soul and hilarity. No awkward or filler moments. Every little detail adds to the bigger picture. It had me in tears from laughing so hard, and from the heart wrenching & heart warming story.

Seeing people of my heritage and cultural background represented authentically live on stage filled a void I wasn’t aware was there. In all the plays, movies, shows, magazines I’ve seen, the South-East Asians are in Westernised settings. The best way I can think to describe what I felt watching the play is recognition and belonging. The women onstage were my mum (at one point, I accidentally cried out ‘that’s my mum!’ I was so shocked to see an EXACT moment my mother and I shared), the women were my Aunty, my cousins, my friends. So while I recommend this play to anyone and everyone, I especially recommend it to my Asian friends. It's rare and wonderful to experience something you can connect with on such a personal level.

Every now and then via my blog, I receive a message from a stranger who has been so excited that they’re not alone in thinking or feeling the same thing, that they’re moved to share their own story with me. Single Asian Female created so many moments like this for me and my girlfriends (none of them Asian except for Little Sissy Pham) - we left the theatre on a high and couldn't stop talking about all the different moments from the show we connected with. I hope Michelle Law, the playwright, is proud of her masterpiece that touches people on so many levels, and is perfectly told by a cast of brilliant actors.

The show runs until Saturday 4th March, 2017. As a birthday present to me, please treat yo'self to a night of laughs and love at Single Asian Female. If you read my blog, it means you like what single, asian women think so I promise you'll have a good time: