Sadly, my rainbow swirl Speedos are dead. The elastic had rotten in my one year hiatus from the pool so last weekend I took a stroll down to Swimwear Galore on Brunswick Street in Fitzroy to find a fresh swimsuit. On the walk there I repeatedly told myself to buy a sensible black or navy swimsuit so I'd at least blend in with the fit people who swim laps around me.

Who was I kidding? As soon as I got in the store I skipped passed the 50 black, blue and purple swimsuits and went straight for the bright and bold patterns of Funkita. So what if no one at the pool will take me seriously in this swimsuit. It's not like I'd have any more credibility in a standard black Speedo seeing as how the only people slower than me are the kids who can't swim and the little old ladies who breaststroke without getting their perms wet.