I'm going through a phase of reading instructions and manuals lately. It turns out I've been doing a lot wrong all my life. But some things I get right. Like prioritising the Eurovision Song Contest over sleep and sustenance. And like always, it's totally worth it. Denmark put on an amazing show - the staging and lighting has to be the competition's best in history. So beautifully done.

Maybe I'm having a softie year because I've favoured all the ballads like Sweden's Sanna Nielsen 'Undo' and Spain's Ruth Lorenzo Dancing In The Rain, though, the hero by lightyears is Austria's Conchita Wurst singing Rise Like A Phoenix. I wasn't sure how Dad Pham would react watching a bearded transgender woman sing but, by the neutrality of Buddha, all he heard was the amazing song and brilliant delivery. Since he saw her in the semis he rambled nonstop about him/it/Austria winning if there was any justice in the world...until finally learning in the final that she is a she. That was my favourite moment of Eurovision 2014. Dad Pham's open-mindedness and the world's. The times, they are a changing and I'm excited to be alive to witness it.

Austria ( The winner! There is justice in the world!)



It's also the first year in a long time that I didn't squirm inside watching the UK entry. They have a history of sending quant or token performers along but this year is the first time their contribution was Eurovision worthy in its anthemic, showy spirit while staying a classy act. Well done, UK!


But, enough with the songs that work. Eurovision isn't Eurovision without props, costumes and songs that don't make sense. My top picks from the final are:

1. The trampoline and the manster wheel gave me the same level of what-the?





2. The circular keyboard that's functional that gave me so much awkward.



3. Russian twins with conjoined hair and an oversized see-saw.



Malta didn't make it to the finals. See if you can spot the many reasons why:



The other real winner of Eurovision 2014 is Australia because this year Denmark invited one of our own to perform at the interval of the semi-finals. Jessica Mauboy had a nervous start but by the end baby girl slayed it. Enjoy!