Older and less angry
I renewed my driver's licence recently - I look same, same but different. As Dad Pham likes to remind me, it's a miracle or dumb luck that I ever got my licence because my un-coordination extends into driving. I used to be an anxious, bad driver but I've improved over the years - these days, I'm a confident, bad driver. I don't know which is worse. Kidding - I'm actually half decent at driving; it's the parking and then remembering where I parked that I remain awful at.
A lot has happened in the 5 years since I moved back to Brisbane and got a QLD licence made. I have:
- grown out my fringe
- switched jobs a lot
- failed at online dating
- a lot
- fallen in and out of love
- stopped grieving
- had my heart broken
- twice.
Since reaching my 30s, I've become a lot more zen and comfortable in my own skin. Part of it is accepting myself for who I am - a quirky, imperfect, sometimes dopey, sometimes intelligent, optimistic human being; and part of it is knowing whose opinion matters to me and not caring what the rest of the world thinks. I've also learned you can't please everyone, and if your loved ones love you back, they'll accept and support your decisions - even when you've made a terrible call. Bless the good souls in my life.
I spent too much of my 20s doing things because I felt I should be doing them, not because I wanted to. Prioritising career over family & friends - no more, partying all the time - no more, drinking socially despite my allergy - no more, eating animal despite my guilt - no more. Losing Mum Pham when I was 27 woke me up from that life path. I felt lost in space for a year or so before I found my feet again, much more grounded than before.
There's an easy freedom in being yourself. Life doesn't weigh you down with worries about what you should or shouldn't be/want/do/have. I'm hoping this newfound sense of self will help me navigate the wacky world of dating and relating to other human beings... and I don't end up dating someone else's monogamous boyfriend again.
0 comments