OPH: Tuna Breath

September 22, 2017


I don’t like embarrassing people unless it’s to delight them at the same time, ‘cause otherwise that’s just mean. My latest office prank-practical present was for a team member who eats a can of tuna for lunch every day. You read that right, a single can of tuna a day every day, unless he’s super hungry and then he may have two.

Tuna Breath doesn’t like to make a fuss over his birthday though, so I didn’t know the special day had arrived until I rocked up to work. I sent him a smart ass birthday email - this year I told him he’s by far my favourite person over the age of 100, and wished him a wonderful day. But somehow, this didn’t feel like enough.

So, I pitched an idea to the team - let's get Tuna Breath a comical amount of his favourite tuna, and surprise him when he munches down on a @cake.letters. The team got on board, and oh boy was it glorious.

I stacked a poster tube with 14 tins, then taped it up with eBay tape to make it look like an online order. Then got a fancy looking gift box to make it look like we got him something sincere. Then, as a third and final joke, got him a single carrot that I individually wrapped for dietary balance (you should eat your veggies, kids).

The unboxing was perfect. He turned red as soon as he saw the tuna in the poster tube. Then, because we deliberately put the box on a table so he wouldn't feel the weight of it and guess what was inside - he just needed to lift the lid and uncover the tissue paper, then BAM! more tuna. He nearly died when saw the 21 cans in the box. I was nearly pissing myself laughing from his reaction 'cause I'm a jerk.

Then he tried to walk away but I surprised him with the carrot - nicely wrapped to look like a pen box so again he was disappointed by our insincerity. Ah, it was fun. He hated it at the time, and has put 3 calendar reminders to get me back on my birthday but I heard him telling his sister about it when she called so he secretly loved it.


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