Believe it or not, despite my bright and colourful wardrobe and matching demeanour, I do think unhappy thoughts sometimes. I keep the dark scary off the Interwebs because there’s enough negativity on here - am I right? Sometimes, I think the happy, positive people in the world probably also have the worst thoughts because if you have the capacity to be extreme in one way, you have it in you to be the opposite extreme too.
There is no hiding when I’ve cried. My eyelids puff up like I’ve had an allergic reaction to life (which I suppose you could say I did), and my eyes become so bloodshot and dry it looks like I haven’t slept in days. The worst cries are when I run out of tears and burst the little blood vessels around my eye socket so I also have little red veins streaking everywhere. No amount of makeup can hide all three side-effects of bawling my eyes out because it changes the physical shape of my eyes, lips and nose - everything gets puffy.
I don’t cry too often. I feel like crying all the time - say, about once every month 4-6 days before I start bleeding - PMS, guys, it’s a bitch. But I only cry every now and then if I’m feeling bummed out about something specific. The trigger can be big or small and the cries accordingly.
My last small cry was after a nice lunch at RSPCA Wacol's Black Cat Cafe when I saw a kitty kat being adopted by a young boy and his mum. I was so darn ecstatic for the cat and her new family I burst into tears on the spot.
My last big cry was after my dating fail with No Fun - it brought on years of self-doubt and feeling unwanted for most of my life. And people often point out what’s wrong with me when it comes to reasons I am single (too intelligent, too weird, etc) and I usually disagree with them (too argumentative) because it's the dating pool that's wrong (too idealistic). I let myself be overwhelmed and weeped every night for nearly two weeks. Sometimes it's good to let it go, Queen Elsa is right.
There's no shame in crying whether it's over sad things or glad things. Everyone needs to let themselves feel their feelings every once in a while. All because society undervalues emotion, does not mean it has no value to us as people. It is good to feel your feelings. It's where art and music and creativity and beauty is born. It's how we relate to one another and make connections. So, dear people, let yourself feel all the things. Don't hold back! ...Unless your feelings are impulses to hurt yourself or others - in which case, please reach out to people at organisations like headspace and beyondblue who can help you process what you're feeling.
