KEEP IT IN THE PHAMLY

I'm at a point in my life (and mortgage repayments) where I can treat myself to healthy hobbies like gym and Reformer Pilates. Though, it took Boyfriend Pham to talk me around to forking out money for classes because my inner-stingy self doesn't like to part with any money.

One of our neighbour-friends introduced me to the local studio. She took me to induction class and showed me the ropes. Literally. Reformer Pilates is done on a machine with strappy ropes. I had always been too intimidated by the machine and the super fit people that are photographed on those machines. The actual people in classes range from super fit down to me - chubby office pleb with weak arms, bad knees and zero core strength.

Neighbour-friend and I went to a few classes together before her work hours shifted and no longer aligned with my office pleb schedule. I've kept up the classes and aim to keep them up so long as I don't make any stupid decisions that send me broke.

Reformer Pilates is expensive at Studio Pilates - 20-something dollars per class depending on the class pass you purchase upfront. I can afford it so I treat myself to classes in their really nice studio, with really good machines, and friendly attentive trainers. I did a trial class at a gym that was way cheaper, but the classes were triple the size, the machines were smaller and lower quality, and it was a drive instead of a walk away. That said, if budget was my top priority, I'd have sucked it up and taken classes at the gym instead of with Studio Pilates.

Highly recommend you do a trial class at a couple of different places to see what suits you! I feel strong and more flexible since adding reformer pilates to my life.

Someone at work asked me if my parents were strict growing up as Asian parents are known to be. It got me thinking. They were both the youngest of 10 children so by the time they were going through childhood their parents would have been less strict. Mum wasn't strict in most ways, but she was dead set on getting school educated.

Mum Pham was the book smart parent. She was studious and disciplined, and a qualified pharmacist (though the communists wouldn't give her a degree because she refused to serve in their army). Growing up all the pressure to study and go to university came from Mum. Dad Pham? Not so much for formal education. He once got in trouble with my Aunty when he suggested our cousin (her son) may be better off doing a trade. She was so outraged by the notion, she didn't talk to Dad for half a year.

I never really thought about why Dad Pham was so much more relaxed about education than Mum and most other Asian parents. That is, until one day, in one of his reflective moods he told me about how he failed forward into the navy.

At school, he ranked 130-something out of 134 for language. He gave so few shits, he didn't bother to remember exactly how low he scored. Now, Dad is not a dumbass by any means. He is actually more intelligent, calculating and strategic than Mum Pham in most ways. But he was too smart for formal education - because it was too easy for him, he got bored. Big Brother Pham would one day follow in Dad's footsteps - he was too smart for boring bookish study.

Dad joined the navy because he didn't have many other options. In the navy, with all the hands-on practical training and studies, Dad actually ranked 24, which was pretty high up there. His own life experience is why he's open to children doing trades or anything hands-on. Books aren't for everyone. Though, books turned out to be for me; they were definitely not for Big Brother Pham. Little Sissy Pham was somewhere in between - I think she'd have excelled at a sport if we could afford sport, but instead being poor forced her down the study route.

Even though I am a book nerd, I believe you should learn life your own way. Whatever suits your interests and skills is what you should pursue. Otherwise, you either won't be happy or won't excel in what you do... or both. 

Someone asked recently if Dad Pham was still by himself after it came out in conversation that Mum was no longer with us. Dad has remained single since her passing in 2011 and has no interest in finding another love or companion. He says Mum was a devoted wife. She took us to see Dad every evening on the bus when he was hospitalised numerous times throughout our childhood. She never complained when he sent all their money back to his family in Vietnam.

Mum Pham had a quiet strength that wasn't obvious if you didn't truly know her. She was always so loving and generous, she'd come across as a bit of a pushover to strangers she went out of her way to accommodate. But it takes strength to be that open and vulnerable and give to others, especially when times are tough or relationships soured - she never turned away anyone in need. If anything, she held them closer.

Mum Pham bestowed all three Phamlings with her quiet strength. I'm proud when people tell me I'm a quiet achiever. It's often given as critical feedback to be more assertive and vocal, because extroverts rule the world (and look where that's led us). I'll always prefer to be a good listener like Mum than a fancy wordsmith any day. 

Dad Pham had been in love withs someone else before he met Mum Pham.

On one of his reflective days, he told me a bit about her. They met at the US Culture Wellness Centre in Vietnam. He said she has a round face like Mum Pham, like me. That made me laugh. Boyfriend Pham has taken to calling me moon-face because in a moment of self-doubt, I wondered if he and I looked similar in anyway. I don't want to be one of those couples who look like siblings. He reminded me I am Vietnamese, and he is Australian. Also, the only thing we have in common is I have a big round face, and he has a small round face. We only have moon-faces in common. Phew.

Dad told me after the American war in Vietnam he had to flee and he asked his first love to come with him. But they weren't married so it was improper and she chose to stay with her family rather than flee. He loved her and would have married her if he'd stayed.

The two of them got in touch a number of years after Mum Pham passed. They started off with snail mail, then I was given an email address and started scanning Dad's handwritten letters and sending them. There was back and forth for a time while they caught up on each other's lives since the war. Eventually Dad does what his schizophrenia always does, and he moved onto the next phase and stopped writing. He didn't see the point since he would never go back to Vietnam, and she would never come to Australia.

Mum Pham used to speak of another woman Dad met while he was a refugee in Singapore. They parted ways because she left for America and Dad didn't want to go there. Instead, he went to Germany where he became an interpreter and met Mum Pham.

Thank you to the wonderful team @theplantlounge in Nundah for splitting our plant baby into two pots, and showing us how to treat her bugs with Neem oil. So Rei Pham could harass it some more.

We got her from the Plant Lounge in December 2020 - our first plant purchase for our new home. After nearly killing her with lack of sun inside over the first 5 months (her demise is pictured in the gallery), we put her outside after our new kitten sat on her and broke nearly all her limbs. She bounced back with a bit of sun and daily watering for the remainder of last year, and outgrew her pot so we split her in two this year! Now we have double the love and can rotate the plants in and out to get the much needed indirect sunlight.

Our kitten is a cat and no longer into crushing the houseplant, so we look forward to getting more indoor plants from @theplantlounge to make our house feel more homely. ❤️ We now have four plant babies from the Plant Lounge that get rotated from our mildly sunny courtyard into our sun-free living areas. And, of course, are keen to get more now that Rei Pham has gotten used to indoor plants and has stopped digging, eating or knocking the plants over.

The Plant Lounge is online and has a storefront in Nundah that is shared with Vessel Nundah, who provide zero-waste skincare and cleaning products. Drop by the store for a friendly chat with the knowledgable owners or browse online: https://www.theplantlounge.com.au/ 

I have spent this year collecting all the viruses and bugs I avoided during lockdowns and social distancing. I am just coming out of a bad run of COVID-19, then gastro (why is vomiting so ew, where is this gas coming from? I'm not even eating!), then a not COVID-19 virus (where my head and feet were freezing cold then burning up but my body was fine - it was super weird). Days turned into weeks, then weeks turned into over two months of feeling sick. Thank golly I can work from home because that would have been a lot of unpaid sick days. The irony is I caught my viruses each time I tried to get healthier by going to the gym. Joy!

It's not really the gym's fault. It's mine. Over the past couple of years, I've not been taking good care of my health. Generally feeling rundown was written off as lockdown blues but when Australia started opening up again and life returned to somewhat normal, I was still feeling like crap. I had moved away from home turf in the south to the north side, was avoiding medical services because of COVID fear, and didn't have my local anythings including a General Practitioner. So for a number of lame reasons, I didn't get my health checked for too long.

When I finally went to a GP, the doctor did a general health check including blood and urine test. I learned I've been Vitamin D deficient, low in B12, iron, zinc and more. I'm now on a concoction of vitamin supplements and also taking melatonin at night to help me get better quality sleep. I have my fingers and toes crossed it'll help, but it's early days and also hard to tell if I'm improving when I've had back to back viruses.

If you haven't connected the dots already... I keep getting sick because my immune system is shot. Now, I'm not saying this as an employee of a healthcare company that offers pathology services. I'm saying this as someone who believes getting diagnosed leads to treatments that will better your health. If you haven't had a general health check in a while and feeling a bit off, listen to your body and go see a doctor. I wish I'd done it sooner and given my immune system a chance to help me recover quickly from illness or fend off the viruses altogether.

Sigh. You live, you learn, right? 

Adriene is sponsored by Adidas and is probably why all my tights are now Adidas tights

As part of a personal goal to be more active, I've taken up workout at home yoga following YouTube channel 'Yoga with Adriene.' Boyfriend Pham and I do yoga every morning before we get ready for work (full disclosure: only during warmer months because we're soft and won't get out of bed early when it's mildly cool). I learned of Adriene Mishler through a childhood bestie who has been doing yoga on a boat during the pandemic.

For those who are time-poor, funds-poor or both, Yoga with Adriene is a great way to get some movement and 'me-time' into your day. The sessions are often 20-30mins and because it's on YouTube you can progress at your own pace, skip a day here or there when you're just not feeling it, or press pause and come back later if you can't do a whole session in one sitting.

It's a lovely way to wake up the body and settle the mind each morning. Adriene has a really calm and fun demeanour as she guides you through the sessions. She's humble and down to earth, and won't throw about yoga terminology without explaining what it actually means and the intention of all the things. A great bonus is in recent years she got a Blue Heeler named Benji who also has a calm demeanour because mostly he's snoozing in the background of her yoga space.

Check her out online. You don't need anything to try - a towel on carpet could do. But if you find yourself getting into it, I highly recommend getting a yoga mat for comfort. You can always ask your local Buy Nothing Group if you don't have the funds for a new mat.

Not my feet, I have bad sock tan line and chubby legs. Stock photo from Frankie4 of a style I wear.

I have a tendency to ignore my ailments until they're kind of a big deal, like that time I used to wake up feeling tight in the legs and struggling to walk down the stairs every morning and then hurt my lower back when it could have been prevented if I'd just went to a physiotherapist and learned how to stretch out my hip flexor. Yeah, like that.

These days I'm trying to be less of a stiff upper lip, suck-it-up, tough-it-out type. When I noticed an ache in my left big toe joint and the beginnings of a bunion, I chose to not follow my dumb instincts to ignore the pain just in case it goes away on its own, and instead sought professional help. A podiatrist kitted me with custom orthotics and explained how my pigeon-toed left leg was putting massive pressure on the joint. Over time I'll get arthritis where the bone is grinding but if I wear the orthotics and do daily toe stretches it'll help delay the onset of arthritis.

Fun fact from the podiatrist: You inherit your walk from your parents! I must have inherited Mum Pham's walk because she had severe bunions. Looking back I wish I knew she was in pain, and could have had surgery to fix her feet, and we weren't broke and we could afford surgery - ah, wishful hindsight.

Obviously, I used my new orthotics as an excuse to cull my shoe collection of anything too narrow to fit orthotics. I gifted newish shoes to my local Buy Nothing community, and binned crappy old sneakers. Then Boyfriend Pham took me on a shopping spree because I was sad and shoeless. 

Boy-oh, shoes with arch support are expensive. He drove me to two Frankie4 stores to try on shoes that fit my orthotics. I purchased two pairs - each cost 2.5x what I'd normally pay for work brogues. I also got Birkenstock Arizona to wear around the house - they're only 20x the cost of a pair of cheap, plastic slides. Once I learned my orthotic shoe size is 39 instead of my previous 38, I also tried Bared Footwear online - they have stores in Melbourne, but not in Brisbane...yet. 

While I cringe at the $1500+ I dropped getting custom orthotics and new footwear because I'm a tight-arse, I am grateful to be in a position where I can afford healthcare, and supportive footwear. Things Mum Pham didn't get to have, but raised us kids to work hard so we had better options in life. Also, today is the anniversary of Mum's passing so that's probably why I keep thinking of her even though I'm writing about my feet, which look like Dad Pham's.

I finally popped my COVID-19 cherry after 2.5 years of avoiding the virus. Who'd have thunk mask mandates and social distancing maybe worked in delaying all of us getting the virus at once? I gotta say, this virus is not 'just like a cold' for me. Don't believe everything you read on the internet. Including my blog 'cause I know a couple of people who had slightly sniffly noses from COVID. Sadly, this has not been my experience. It's been nearly two weeks and I still can't shake my phlegmy cough so I haven't been out in public. Sometimes, not sharing is caring.

My sore throat appeared overnight. I woke up feeling lucky that I could swallow because my throat hurt so much, but besides that I felt fine. So I went to work (from home) and after a few hours I realised my forehead was burning up and that was probably why I was struggling to focus on a meeting I just sat in. I knew I was ill because it was lunch time and I didn't feel like eating. The thought of trying to host my next meeting made me so tired I was ready to face plant on my keyboard. I let the team know I was going offline, cancelled my dinner plans, and went to bed. Where I stayed for 6 hours. 

Even though my forehead was hot I couldn't get warm no matter how many layers of blankets I piled on top. I dozed on and off as Boyfriend Pham came home from work, then went to our neighbours' house for dinner. They dropped off delicious, hot lamb curry dinner for me, which I ate but couldn't fully taste. Then I went back to bed and slept for 12 hours.

Day 2 my fever broke overnight and then a river started running out of my nose all day. I had enough energy to watch a bit of Netflix between naps. I had a scare after waking up from a nap on the couch where I couldn't get enough oxygen in my lungs. At first I panicked which made my breathing quick and shallow, which didn't help at all. But then I got my nerves in check and started some deep breathing exercises. Consciously deep breaths got me back into a good place after about 20mins, and I spent the next 40-ish minutes doing mindful breathing until my breathing and oxygen levels returned to normal. Well, sick normal.

Day 3 I managed to sit upright for some of my Netflix binging. Though, the naps and snot continued. I had well and truly lost my sense of taste over the past 24 hours and was on a plain crackers diet. I also spoke in a whisper because trying to project my voice like normal made me feel out of breath.

Day 4-5 my runny snot turned to phlegm and my sense of taste started to return. I thought I'd be over COVID in another couple of days. I was wrong. 

It's day 12 as I write and I still get the odd coughing fit where I sound asthmatic and then feel short of breath and have to do deep breathing to feel okay again. I am coughing up less phlegm, but it's not the dry cough that would mean I can venture outside in a mask so I remain in isolation. I need to rest after doing basic chores like laundry, unloading the dishwasher, or moving about the small kitchen too much while I cook.

Here's hoping I get some immunity from having the virus. I was looking at getting a fourth vaccination the week I got sick. I'd hate to see how badly the virus would have impacted us if we weren't vaccinated. It has not been a fun time. I don't know when I'll be recovered enough to do a proper workout if walking up the stairs makes me puffed. 

Hobbies are for people with time and money. It's something that came up with us Phamlings while dating and now in our relationships because people we dated didn't understand why we didn't have hobbies. What do we do when we're not at work? Free to air TV - it's FREE! Sports cost money, arts & crafts cost money, even TV costs electricity but thankfully Mum Pham was good with budgeting and would keep the power on even if it meant eating rice and lettuce for a while.  

Now that the Phamlings have well paying jobs and disposable incomes, we have upgraded to Netflix. A shared account with Little Sissy, of course - we signed up when we lived together and even when it was $6.50 each instead of the wild $8.50 each a month it was kind of a big deal. We committed very reluctantly.

Phamlings didn't have hobbies growing up because we didn't have much money being on welfare. We watched a lot of television, I'd read library books, and write and draw on scrap paper that my cousin brought home from work mostly with grey lead pencils 'cause I didn't want to use up the colour pencils unless it was a particularly special picture. We didn't get fancy art supplies unless gifted from our relatives. My point is - if you can afford a hobby, you're doing alright. 

Little Sissy Pham would list TV and doing online surveys for rewards as her hobbies if she had bothered to fill that question in on her dating profile back in the day. Sub online surveys out for reading / writing and you've got me. Sub in video games and you have Big Brother Pham. 

I know what hobbies we would have liked to pursue if we had the funds. I used to do circus training once a week for $5 until Mum Pham told me we couldn't afford to keep it up. Little Sissy Pham and Big Brother Pham played tennis through school and really got into it. Big Brother Pham really excelled and was offered a scholarship with a tennis school but we couldn't afford the equipment and didn't have a car to get him to the classes. It's not like we chose to not have hobbies - life just worked out that way. We did what we could within our means. 

Next time you ask someone about their hobbies, don't be so quick to judge if it's not sports that all cost money and time and logistics, or a craft or an art which also all cost money for supplies. Some of us only got hobbies once we were older and had disposable income. 

Rei Pham is a dog cat. It's been one year since this fur ball stumbled into our life, and in that time she's showed some weird-ass cat behaviour. Though, if she were a dog this behaviour would be absolutely normal. 

First, she likes to play fetch. Her favourite toy changes but the game is the same as with doggos. She brings us a toy mouse or avocado plush or her current favourite felt ball, and drops it by our feet or on us if we're in bed, then looks at us meaningfully (I won't say pleadingly because she's a cat after all) until we notice and throw the toy for her.  She'll then  chase it down and bring it back to our feet. When she was younger, she'd drop it in our general vicinity, but she has since learned to drop it in arm's reach to speed up the game.

Rei also likes the catch variation of fetch. Catch is a fun time with a cat because they can jump so high and distort themselves into such weird and wonderful shapes before twisting and landing back on their feet. I would be worried about breaking a dog if I tried to get them to leap as high or far or awkwardly.

One dog trait that came out after she finished teething and got stronger teeth is she absolutely delights in chewing things to shreds. She does scratch like a regular cat, but her favourite activity is chewing cardboard and spitting it out. We discovered this when we got her a Kmart cardboard cat scratcher. She went to town on the cardboard chewing it until it was no more. She is half way through her second one now, with one more spare in storage along with another new cardboard toy design. 

Before Toombul flooded, I'd regularly stroll through the Kmart cat section to see what variation of cardboard toys they have. We've gotten her two cat towers and combined them into a mega-tower but she didn't tend to play with it unless we played with her. She did start to chew parts of the tower but I guess it's just not as satisfying as the dense cardboard of the scratcher. 

Holly Ransom spoke about moving out of your comfort zone into your courage zone at an SMB Digital virtual conference in 2020. This concept has stuck with me even though I didn't put it into practice while I tried my darnedest to stay in my comfort zone through COVID-19. After two years of daily changes, then weekly changes, then monthly changes, it started to feel like the worst of COVID disruptions are finally starting to ease (famous last words, right?). I found myself pondering ways to move into my courage zone after that week of devastating floods in Brisbane 'cause it felt like I finally had time to breathe.

I've kept this screenshot of a slide from Holly Ransom's talk on my desktop and revisited it every now and then. I haven't taken a big risk or tried things I've never done before or felt vulnerable in years. If anything, I've been the rock collecting stability and safety during the pandemic at home and at work. Sure I pitched an idea to set up a Project Management Office in my previous role but it was to help the organisation do more of what I'd spent the previous half decade doing.

Last month, I started a new role in a global organisation in an industry I've never worked in. I'm going to be a beginner, doing things I've never tried before, feeling vulnerable, asking questions (because I won't be the person in the room answering everyone else's questions!) and trying my best to be bold.  It's a little scary and a lot exciting to jump feet first into my courage zone after years of living in my comfort zone. Wish me luck!

I half jokingly wrote about planning for chaos at the start of the year, and to teach me a lesson Chaos smacked me right between the eyes, and suddenly it's April and I haven't written a single blog in 3 months.

Normally, in retail life Jan/Feb quiet down after peak Xmas and holiday trade. Me? I jumped right into another round the clock workload and just as things started to let up in March, Dad Pham spent a week in hospital with fluid logged lungs (he's OK now). And of course, I was interviewing for a role I really wanted the day after Dad got out of Emergency. Somehow my sleep deprived brain managed to not say anything that got me axed by the panel and - oh, hello! I start a new role in a whole new industry later this month!

It's always tempting to stay in your comfort zone and do what you know you're good at and enjoy. But, lately, I've started to wonder what untapped potential I may have. What more can I contribute? Life has a funny way of nudging you in the right direction when you're ready to listen. A recruiter hit me up out of the blue about a role in healthcare, and it turns out I can contribute to people's healthcare experience through technology projects. I feel very lucky to have this opportunity to try something new and contribute to my community in a different way.

I've been at the same retail company in various project roles for 6 years, 6 months and 26 days. It had been so long between jobs, I looked up how to resign in case HR guidelines had changed. I've had the greatest time with some of the best people I've ever met (including the Work Pham and Boyfriend Pham!), but a chapter must end in order to start a new one. I'm looking forward to the next chapter of my life.

Boyfriend Pham likes to tease me about my life being miscellaneous. In high school I couldn't decide between arts and science so I did both. At uni, I couldn't decide what to specialise in and ended up doing a Bachelor of Creative Industries (Interdisciplinary). Do you know what the interdisciplinary really means? Miscellaneous.

Not surprising that after a lot of chopping and changing jobs, the one that's kept me around for years instead of months has been miscellaneous projects. Whatever the business needs done, I figure out a way to do it. When the business is growing and changing at warp speed I never get a chance to get bored. The trouble is, notebooks don't cut it when you're juggling over a dozen streams. I jump from one topic to another, sometimes something new every 30-60 minutes for a whole day, which means notes get lost in notebooks.

My solution? A planner. My planner isn't for planning though, it's for logging all the things I haven't gotten to yet... but organised in a way that makes it easier to find when I eventually have time. The ring-binder means the pages are not set in stone, and I can shuffle my notes around to group with other notes of the same stream. It's been a game-changer for me - no longer flicking through pages and pages (colour-coded so I knew which project or area it related to, of course, I'm not a complete noob) to find what I needed to reference. With the binder and its dividers, I can flick to the right spot instantly. 

I loved my A5 Kikki.K planner so much I got one for my team member so she too could enjoy the flexibility of a planner instead of a notebook. Once you're done with a page, you can file it or bin it. With a notebook I suppose you could do the same but the tendency is to keep carrying the deadweight with you until the notebook is filled. The 5 or 6 dividers that come by default with Kikki.K also did not cut it and I bought a 12-divider set. I've optimised my planner to keep track of the maze that is my professional life and I am damn proud of it.

I do realise I am so Mum Pham. She had a leather bound planner that she carried with her everywhere. She kept everything in it from recipes, medical history and her English studies through to our meal plans, key anniversaries and contact numbers. Even if mobile phones were a thing Mum Pham bothered with, she would always prefer pen and paper. And now I carry on her tradition of being obsessive about a planner.