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KEEP IT IN THE PHAMLY


On Sunday, we attended temple for Day 49 since Dad's passing. I can't believe he's been gone that long already. Here is my tribute to Dad's life. 

Touched is too soft a word. No, Dad Pham influenced so many people's lives during his 79 years.

We have family in Germany and Australia who wouldn't have the lives they've built if Dad hadn't helped them evacuate when the Viet Cong invaded, or driven a refugee boat out of Vietnam, then spent nearly all his income to help family members.

It's no wonder, even though we had planned a small funeral service and told only relatives and a few close family friends, double the people we anticipated attended Dad's funeral service. The funeral home had to put out seating in their back room. My Uncle said he'd told people it was a private family affair, otherwise there would have been even more mourners.

I wrote a series on Dad Pham's life from Vietnam to Germany to Australia. But I never wrote about him as a person.

Dad was super intelligent and able to process vast amounts of new knowledge quickly, it's how he adapted to multiple new countries so well. He had a wicked sense of humour and impossibly quick wit. He was a wise old soul and spoke very eloquently; people listened when he had something to say. Though, he'd always say many people listen but few understand. 

Above all else, he loved my Mum. He loved her so intensely sometimes I think he loved his children because we're a piece of her.

When I observe my siblings, I see Mum Pham is our kindness, Dad Pham is our sharpness, and both parents gifted us with generosity. Mum gave by serving (nurturing, feeding, listening to others), Dad gave by sharing (knowledge, advice, opening our home). There's a selflessness about my Phamly that I'm proud of and want to pass on to the next generation. The world could do with more Mum Phams and Dad Phams, especially now they're both gone.

Rest in peace beside Mum Pham, Dad. We love you. 

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Dad Pham wanted to keep his send off small and simple. His only requests were his three Phamlings attend his burial in the grave beside Mum Pham. He wanted a low stress affair after the tumultuous and traumatic experience of losing Mum Pham and arranging her interstate funeral.

The thing is, Dad is dead and gone, but we have to live with our relatives and friends. No way could we do as he asked and not allow his siblings and nieces and nephews, and his Vietnamese community to grieve and pay their respects.

Big Brother Pham jail-breaked Dad out of hospital for a day last year so he could attend a big family event when a cousin from Germany came to visit Brisbane. In a way, it was good for our relatives to see Dad's ailing health. It meant when it was time to share the news of his passing, nobody was shocked like they had been when Mum died.

Of course, because Dad wanted to keep it simple, we instead had a funeral service in Brisbane for his siblings and then a burial service in Melbourne for his friends and Mum's side of the family. All during Tropical Cyclone Alfred. His funeral service was nearly postponed and then our flights to Melbourne would have been cancelled had we flown a day earlier. The name plate on his casket needed fixing, the flights we booked didn't go through but luckily we ended up on alternative flights even if they were at godawful hours, our mourning cloths were left behind by the funeral home's transport team and Little Sissy Pham had to brave flooding roads to meet the funeral director to collect them for the burial ceremony. The Brisbane temple road flooded and had a tree fall across it to boot, so we couldn't attend to make an offering after the funeral. Oh, and of course, the taxi we booked to the airport kept getting cancelled by drivers so Big Brother Pham and Sister-Not-In-Law drove ourselves there. I wrote most of this on the plane to Melbourne so, good news, we made it. ...and, yep, Melbourne is having a heatwave.

Part of me likes to think that Dad watched on as we overcame unexpected challenges, shaking his head in disbelief at how we persevered despite the odds to put on a big funeral and burial, when he'd timed his passing with a force of nature that we could have easily used as an excuse to keep things small and simple. It's not our fault, Dad, that you and Mum raised resilient, hard working, emotionally stable, physically able adults. Your Phamlings keep trying until we get it done!

Randomly my uncle's (dad's youngest brother) shoe broke in Melbourne the night before the burial. Luckily shops are open late in Melbourne so we got him some superglue. It's been a bizarre week. I'll write about the Melbourne burial another time.



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Friday night. My brother's name lit up my phone and I hoped it was another trip to hospital but I knew it wasn't because hospital trips are a PhamLe group message. And phone calls are for the words, "Dad's passed."

I held it together long enough to learn the details. Then my voice broke (of course, life being life, I'd just put in my teeth whitening kit so had a lisp during this serious conversation) when I thanked Big Brother Pham for taking good care of Dad these past several years, and in particular the last few years where he was in and out of hospital often.

Dad Pham sold the Phamly home to my brother who built a granny flat at the back of the block. This meant Dad got to spend his final years living with family, seeing his granddaughters grow up, and had dinner with his eldest son most nights.

Thanks to Big Brother Pham, Dad got to live and pass on his own terms. He was at home and chain-smoking to the very end, which is what he'd wanted.

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The egg and sperm collection process was straightforward. The hormone injections were physically challenging but it was the wait for viable embryo news that was mentally challenging because it's out of your hands at this stage. It's up to science and luck.

I had my egg collection on a Wednesday and flew to Melbourne that Saturday to visit Phamly because Little Sissy Pham wanted her son to meet the Aunty we lived with for 2-3 years to finish high school after The Phamly moved to Brisbane. I didn't need to be there, really, but Little Sis is sentimental and wanted me there so why the hell not? I was mega bloated still from the meds but the soreness was gone.

On Friday, I received a call from the clinic to say of the 19 eggs they collected only 8 were mature enough to progress. Boyfriend Pham and I had opted for ICSI where they inject the sperm into the egg rather than placing the egg into a culture with the sperm to naturally try and fertilise, because we wanted to control as much of the process as we could. However, of the 8 mature eggs, they only injected 2 successfully, another 3 failed to survive the injection because they weren't mature enough and were too soft. The last 3 eggs they put in a culture to fertilise naturally.

It was disheartening to learn less than half the eggs collected were usable and we only had 5 chances at a viable embryo. I kept telling myself that we just need one good one to proceed, even though, mathematical me knows our odds are better with more than one shot. And so, it was a blessing that I had an impromptu trip to Melbourne with my nephew and his parents to distract me. Our next update would be on Monday. The weekend days were fine because they were filled with family, travel and feasting, but when I went to bed at night I missed Boyfriend Pham and was anxious about embryo news.




On Monday, I missed a call while on my way to visit Little Sissy's friend and her new bub. I called back and got the happy news that one of the eggs had developed into a healthy embryo, and there was one more they were monitoring its development. Unfortunately, the other three did not fertilise. They would update me the next day. One out of 19 so far. Sigh. Still, I told myself. Better than none.

The next day, Tuesday, we flew home. Our flight was delayed over an hour so we were stuck at the airport with a 1.5-year-old to entertain. Fortunately, our flight wasn't on time because while we were sitting in the food court trying to convince Nephew Pham that his Happy Meal box was the most entertaining toy in the world, I got a call from the clinic.

I remember this moment so clearly because Nephew Pham was watching me intently while I was on the phone and as I started to smile, he started to smile. By the end of the call, I was grinning from ear to ear and when I happily thanked the scientist for letting me know that we have 2 viable embryos, Nephew Pham read my emotions and started to cheer and wave his arms. It was such a happy memory. We'd doubled our chances for an embryo transfer, and Nephew Pham was cheering for what could be his future cousin!

Two out of 19 is not a great result, but we'll take anything we can get. I'm 39 years old and next year my fertility takes a statistical nose dive, which will make the odds forever not in our favour. I've had friends go through multiple egg collections with no embryos at the end of it. I've had friends who go through egg collections and get 5-8 viable embryos. Results feel random because there are so many factors that impact fertility.

Next up, scheduling an embryo transfer...

Our fertility and pregnancy experience

  1. Fertility is a F-word
  2. IVF hormone injections and symptoms
  3. IVF egg collection
  4. The wait for embryo news
  5. Accidentally, intentionally pregnant
  6. Early pregnancy scans & tests
  7. Early pregnancy symptoms & cravings
  8. Pregnancy and the Glucose Tolerance Test (GTT)
  9. Gestational diabetes rant (For baby!)
  10. Diet-controlled gestational diabetes
  11. When is baby due?
  12. Gender reveals
  13. Hiding early pregnancy
  14. Pregnancy glow (Trimester 2)
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We had our first round of IVF egg collection in March 2023 after 11 days of not-very-fun belly injections for the wannabe mum. We had the option of doing the egg collection knocked out in the hospital or mild anaesthetic at the Life Fertility clinic. I opted for mild anaesthetic at the local clinic because I'm not particularly fussed by a pap smear, colposcopy or any other procedure that some women find invasive and distressing. Also, I am cheap and do not want to pay hospital and anesthetist fees unless I really have to.

On the day, I had to fast since nobody wanted me throwing up from the green whistle (anesthetic) I would have before the procedure. Boyfriend Pham drove us there since I'd be too woozy to drive after and he had to provide a fresh sample of sperm - double duties. I just had to rock up, strip off my bottom half, put on a medical gown with an open back and sit in a chair.

We arrived an hour before my procedure was scheduled, and Boyfriend Pham went first. When they called his name, another guy stood up and also approached the nurse. We were very confused since the guy's name turned out to be Ryan, which didn't sound anything like Boyfriend's name. The nurse took Boyfriend to a private room and checked his name and DOB a half dozen times to be sure she had the right person before he was left to produce sperm.

A half-hour later, it was my turn. I was taken to a second waiting area where my blood pressure was checked. The nurse then walked me through the post-procedural area where I saw a handful of dazed women in recovery chairs. I was quite happy to see them eating snacks. I was hungry. Then I was in the procedure room where there was a chair, screens, trays of medical devices and two friendly nurses. One was there to give me the green whistle and help me through the procedure. The other was there to assist the doctor. A scientist in the room adjoining popped his head in to say hi and let me know he'd be checking the eggs as they were collected.


When the doctor and his student doctor arrived, the nurse gave me the green whistle. I quickly started to feel light-headed and was soon giggling away. The doctor showed me the many follicles I'd grown on both ovaries. Once it was clear I was feeling the effects of the green whistle, the doctor applied the local anaesthetic. The injection hurt a bit but not much.; I barely noticed the procedure had started. The doctor started retrieving the contents of the follicles using needles. A nurse would take each tube to the next room where the scientist would check the contents for eggs and call out the count as we went.

Once the doctor was done and gone, the nurses packed up while I sat there for a little bit. I was still lightheaded but felt OK to walk so told the nurse I was ready to get dressed. They provided pads in case there was any spot bleeding but I'd worn my period undies so didn't need one. In the recovery area, I sat in a comfy lounge chair, applied a heat pack to my lower belly and stared longingly at the packet of potato chips I was given but couldn't eat because I was too tired.

At some point, the doctor walked through with another patient and called out that I must be OK because I was smiling. I don't know what I was smiling about - maybe dreaming of eating. After a short rest, I told the nurse I was ready to go home. She gave me a take-home heat pack and instructed me to take Panadol at home if needed for the pain. Boyfriend Pham greeted me in the main waiting area and I made him do a pit stop at a fish & chip shop where we dined in with my little heat pack and a funny walk. At home, I curled up on the couch and took some Panadol. I was a bit achey but it was similar to a bit of bad period pain. Nothing major.

One more thing worth mentioning is the anaesthetic makes you mega constipated so make sure you have poop-friendly foods like prunes.

All up we retrieved 19 eggs, which I'm told is on the higher end of the scale. Though, what matters most is the quality. That will come in my next post about the wait for embryo news.

Our fertility and pregnancy experience

  1. Fertility is a F-word
  2. IVF hormone injections and symptoms
  3. IVF egg collection
  4. The wait for embryo news
  5. Accidentally, intentionally pregnant
  6. Early pregnancy scans & tests
  7. Early pregnancy symptoms & cravings
  8. Pregnancy and the Glucose Tolerance Test (GTT)
  9. Gestational diabetes rant (For baby!)
  10. Diet-controlled gestational diabetes
  11. When is baby due?
  12. Gender reveals
  13. Hiding early pregnancy
  14. Pregnancy glow (Trimester 2)
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After spending 2022 trying to figure out why we weren't pregnant, we started this year trying to make viable embryos.

2023 did not start off well for me. In January, I had my initial IVF appointment and had to get some blood tests. In February I had a hives breakout that wiped me out and then because my immune system took a beating, I immediately got a cold as soon as I started to overcome my allergy symptoms, followed by a bout of food poisoning. The worst part was, during the initial appointment, my new fertility doctor was baffled as to why my previous doctor put me on thyroid medications when my blood results showed I had normal thyroid function. Serenity now! 

I had to delay my egg collection because my blood results came back with a high level of a stress hormone, which was explained away by my allergies but we still had to wait until I was well enough to begin the IVF medications. The nurses sent my script to a specific pharmacy in Spring Hill, Brisbane. I could either pick it up in person or have it couriered. I opted to go get it and I'm glad I did because the pharmacist ended up stepping me through the injection process. I still watched instruction videos but I always feel better with in-person demos. 

There would be 10-12 days of injections depending on my cycle and when the doctor was available for consultation. Keep in mind when reading the below that there are different types of IVF hormones and doses - it's all catered to your specific needs so don't read this as a standard medication plan - it is what was best for me.



I had 11 days of Ovaleap 600IU injections to grow my follicles and increase the number of eggs to increase my chance of having some healthy eggs. I did not enjoy the injection pen. It had a sliding mechanism that made it go from 1 to 100 in speed, and the sudden shot of fluid into the belly hurt. This one gave me bruising most of the time.

From days 8-11, I started a second injection of Ganirelix / Orgalutran 250mcg to stop my eggs from being released from their follicles. This medication came with a slightly bigger needle tip but thankfully was a regular push syringe so I could control the speed at which I injected myself. By now, I was very bruised and tender so while I don't think this one bruised me, I was achy overall from the pen injections.

I am grateful my cycle meant I could get my scan on Day 11 and I skipped the last day of injections. On Day 11, my doctor did an ultrasound to confirm the meds had worked a treat and I had many follicles on both my left and right ovaries. He booked me in for an egg collection two days later. The night of the scan I injected myself with 2 syringes of Decapeptyl exactly 36 hours before my collection was scheduled.

Even though I dread the thought of doing another IVF round, the bruising and tenderness were probably the best of the side effects from the hormones. I experienced every common side effect listed on the warning labels and the severe and rare side effects as well. My symptoms ranged from standard bloating and gas to redness, soreness then my favourite: hives on my chest and neck. I contacted the clinic about the hives and ended up taking antihistamines and an ice pack. After the first couple of days, my body adjusted and the hives went away.

The scariest side effects were on the night of Day 8 when I first injected the Ganirelix. I injected myself at 7am each morning, and by 3pm that day I was feeling nauseous and bloated. By 6pm I was short of breath and had developed huge cankles to the point where when Boyfriend Pham came home, I got up to greet him and he said, 'Whoa, I think you should sit down.' So I did. I sat back on the couch and elevated my legs and pondered whether this was the rapid weight gain that I was meant to seek immediate medical help for.

I decided that if I went to emergency now on a Friday night and I wasn't in immediate danger then I'd wait around for hours while people with more urgent health issues were seen before me. So I would go in the morning after some sleep. I'm glad I did because I woke up to find my swollen legs and ankles had started to deflate. The next injection of Ganirelix didn't have the same side effects so I assume my body had just needed a bit of time to adjust to my new hormone levels.

As always, if you have any questions about my experience, feel free to email me via the email icon top-right if you aren't comfortable commenting. 

Our fertility and pregnancy experience

  1. Fertility is a F-word
  2. IVF hormone injections and symptoms
  3. IVF egg collection
  4. The wait for embryo news
  5. Accidentally, intentionally pregnant
  6. Early pregnancy scans & tests
  7. Early pregnancy symptoms & cravings
  8. Pregnancy and the Glucose Tolerance Test (GTT)
  9. Gestational diabetes rant (For baby!)
  10. Diet-controlled gestational diabetes
  11. When is baby due?
  12. Gender reveals
  13. Hiding early pregnancy
  14. Pregnancy glow (Trimester 2)

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      • In loving memory of Dad Pham

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