KEEP IT IN THE PHAMLY

After my pale and pasty phase of early pregnancy in Trimester 1 where I looked sickly and ready to pass out at any moment, people started commenting on my glow in Trimester 2 even when they didn't know I was pregnant.

I don't remember Little Sissy Pham glowing during her pregnancy, so much as whinging constantly about all the bodily changes and challenges. And I have been the same. I have not felt healthy and glowing at any point during my pregnancy. I do wonder if it's because gestational diabetes put a dampener on Trimester 2 or my sciatica shooting burning pain through both thighs, or my pelvis giving me lower back pain. I was seeing my hospital team and a private physio frequently in Trimester 2 to sort my body out. I imagine women who love being pregnant during Trimester 2 are basking in pregnancy hormones levelling out after a nauseating Trimester 1 and enjoying their cute baby bump. I am not one of these women.

I did notice my outward glow, but I am certain it's the 2L-3L extra blood flowing through my struggling veins that makes me glow. I am hot and flushed and uncomfortable on the inside; the heat is radiating out of my flushed cheeks. To give context on how hot I run, I am usually the one with cold feet and hands in our relationship but these days I sleep naked on top of the sheets with the aircon on while Boyfriend Pham sleeps in pyjamas under 2-3 layers of sheets and blankets. Silver lining: I don't need to get maternity pyjamas once my belly outgrows my regular PJs since I can't stand wearing anything in bed - the 4 pillows I use to support my body and legs generate too much heat as it is. I'm also wearing compression socks during the days (yes, in Brisbane's summer heat) because the excess blood and fluids gather at my ankles throughout the day if I don't wear socks.

On the inside, my iron levels are dropping/spreading too thin so I am taking iron supplements that make me even more constipated because baby is growing and pressing on my intestines. The muscle-relaxing hormones that make it possible for my pelvis and belly to expand to house a growing baby have also relaxed my digestive system. I have to take magnesium supplements and rub magnesium oil into my calves before bed to try and prevent painful leg cramps waking me up at night. I no longer sleep through the night because I need to wake up and pee at least once or twice a night with baby pressing down on my bladder.

What I'm trying to say is pregnancy glow is surface-level, what's below the surface is a body adapting to lots of changes and challenges. So, yeah, thanks for the compliments, I may look good but I feel like crap. 

Our fertility and pregnancy experience

I don't tell the truth because I want to. I tell the truth because I am a terrible liar, and I know it. I wanted to keep my pregnancy private in Trimester 1 since it's the first time I've been pregnant, and while it wasn't an IVF baby it was an IVF hormones-supported baby so I didn't know if my body would keep up the pregnancy hormones naturally. In short, I didn't want to tell work colleagues in case I miscarried then I'd have to have sad conversations at work.

Typical of me, I caved and told my boss the truth at Week 9 because I kept calling in sick and, well, when I had 'food poisoning' for the third time in two weeks, I decided it was best to confess it was morning sickness and not me making repeated, bad life decisions. He kept my news confidential as requested (he's better at keeping my secret than me), apart from telling his partner. They both already knew I had started fertility treatment earlier in the year.

Anyway, Boss and I agreed that I would host a team quiz and surprise the gang with my news further along in my pregnancy. However, quiz day is Wednesdays and the week I intended to share my news, was EKKA holiday in Brisbane. It's a local public holiday where different pockets of Brisbane and surrounding regions are given a weekday off to look at farm animals at the showgrounds. EKKA is short for Agricultural Exhibition because we're lazy folk who like to shorten all words until they're not recognisable.

The following Wednesday I hosted the quiz but because the teams took so long to answer each question, we ran over time. I spent the whole day sucking in my gut whenever I walked about the office or holding my bag in front of me when walking in or out of the elevator. I don't know how people didn't notice. I was so uncomfortable in my regular clothes by the end. Pictured is the last day I was able to fit into this skirt because it pinched my belly so hard that I found it hard to breathe.

By the third week of trying to surprise my team, I was so big in the belly bump I stopped going into the office because it would ruin the reveal. It was a great relief when I finally shared my happy news and could start wearing maternity skirts with elasticated waistbands (Kmart maternity for the win!) to the office. I am glad to report people were very surprised, and those who saw my belly in person were shocked they hadn't noticed. Sucking in the gut and holding props in front of your belly like you're on a sitcom works a treat!

Our fertility and pregnancy experience

When people find out I'm pregnant, there are one of two questions they will ask first:

1. When is baby due?
2. Do you know what you're having?
   
   

Do you know what you're having?
I know I'm having a human baby that has all its limbs, heart chambers, two kidneys and lungs. I hope it's a healthy baby that has all its senses and brain functions, but I won't know for weeks after I meet them on the outside of my belly.

As for Baby's sex, Boyfriend Pham and I aren't precious about it, which is good because the way we learned our baby's sex was unconventional. My GP doctor, bless him, is not a pre-natal specialist. He didn't even know the process for Non-invasive prenatal testing (NIPT); I educated him on this blood test since the company I work for offers them. With NIPTs, you have an optional tickbox to request the lab check the DNA for gender. I thought I'd learn baby's sex with Boyfriend Pham when we went for results. Not so. In reality, I learned Baby Pham's gender while Boyfriend Pham was in Melbourne visiting friends. My doctor texted me a photo of his computer screen with my NIPT results with the message "Mother of a boy--- C-O-N-G-R-A-T-S."

I had just woken up from a nap on Friday night after work. I was sad Boyfriend Pham didn't get to learn at the same time as me. I called him straight away and interrupted his game of Dungeons & Dragons to see if he wanted to know the baby's sex. He said, "Oh - okay...? Yeah." So I told him and he shared it with his friends who cheered in the background. They were shocked that you can casually find out your baby's gender on a Friday night. 

I had enough trouble keeping my pregnancy a secret from the work crew during the first trimester, I couldn't be bothered keeping more secrets after I could finally talk about it so the closest I got to a gender reveal 'event' was getting the work crew to guess what I was having.

I hosted a team quiz where I revealed I was pregnant and got the team to guess whether I was having a Barbie or a Ken. As much I adore Ryan Gosling's Ken, our baby will look more like a Simu Liu Ken since neither Boyfriend Pham or I are blonde and blue-eyed.

Our fertility and pregnancy experience

When people find out I'm pregnant, there are one of two questions they will ask first:

1. When is baby due?
2. Do you know what you're having?

When is baby due? Well, nobody really knows because estimated due dates based on the start of your last menstrual period are based on a very non-inclusive formula some German obstetrician named Franz Nagele concocted hundreds of years ago, assuming all menstrual cycles are 28 days long and you conceived on day 14. This excludes most pregnancies because menstrual cycle lengths vary and you can conceive on a number of fertile days each cycle. In short, this method is stupid and I don't understand why we still use it.

Healthcare professionals realise this, which is why some medical practitioners use your Week 12 growth scan to estimate a new due date that they deem more accurate. But this method is also flawed because the angle the sonographer decides to take the measurement on any given day changes, your fetus's position could also be tricky to measure and you end up with a measurement that can be a little or a long way off the reality.

Lastly, we started the IVF process and my hormones were all over the shop when we became pregnant naturally. My menstrual cycle was a whopping 49 days or so the month before we became pregnant as opposed to my usual 28-day cycle. I tracked my body's symptoms and knew when I had spot bleeding, which I thought was my period coming in a few days, but it turned out to be Baby Pham in embryo form embedding into my uterus lining so if I use another formula that assumes the embryo implants 6-7 days after fertilization then my current estimated due date is off by over a week.

So when people ask me when baby is due, I say it'll be a summer baby.

This turned into a long rant, so I will talk about gender reveals in my next post.

Our fertility and pregnancy experience