KEEP IT IN THE PHAMLY

Some things I don't need to remember but can't seem to forget - like the taste of methylated spirits in my potatoes from year 9 camp. Other things I should remember but always seem to forget - like I don't have a drunk stage when I drink, I go from tipsy straight to sick. No thank you, brain.

Last Friday I went drinking with the new work crew and instead of sticking to 1-2 clear spirits, I went and had a shot with the boyz. And oh man did I pay for it. Within half an hour my vision went splotchy purple and blue before I stopped seeing altogether. Then I had the pleasure of throwing up 10 times. Once in the middle of the club, 5 times in the bathroom then another 4 times when I got home.

Dad Pham was quite proud. The ex-navy captain in him was all, 'It's good! This is how you know you're having fun.' But it didn't feel like fun when stomach bile was coming out of my nose and it definitely didn't taste like fun either. The only upside I can see is this will remind me to not drink shots again until the next time I forget and drink shots. By my calculations I'll repeat this vicious cycle in 2018.

Gone are my days of awkwardly 'cleaning' my glasses on my dresses, tops and on one occasion, my cat because she was dryer than everything else in reaching distance. By 'cleaning' I mean swishing bits of fluff and grime around on the lens. Clearwipe Lens Cleaners have changed my life! By 'changed my life' I mean I can actually see stuff and you need to see stuff all the time when you drive and write and read and eat. Well, I guess you don't need to see to eat but I do like looking at food.

Hello poser me. I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself. I am slowly but surely on my way to not being called a fatty boombah by science. I'm actually out of the overweight range after dropping 3kg in three weeks - yay! But that's just on the very edge of the healthy weight range for some one my height so I want to keep going because if I settled for just okay my life would be super dull and I'd probably be the first person to literally (meaning literally, not the new shitty 'used for emphasis' literal meaning - will you dictionary people stop adding bullshit words and definitions already please?!?!) die from boredom.

The other day while cooking with Dad Pham, I learned that my dad was a certified life saver back in the day. Our best conversations are had in our kitchen where we both avoid talking about the cooking because as soon as he tells me how I should be doing something, I get all, 'You're not my mother! You can't tell me what to do!'

I had my doubts about the River Island Pink Cosmic Tube Dress because I am a 10/12 up-top with the hips of a 12/14 and tubes by definition don't have hips.  I bought it anyway because I love it too much and, true, it's too snug at my hips but I'm going to allow myself this one discrepancy in my otherwise too picky wardrobe.