KEEP IT IN THE PHAMLY

I can't be without my hand sanitiser… is not something I ever thought I'd say. Who knew the girl who had dirt throwing fights, ate off the floor and rarely bathed as a kid would grow up to list hand sanitiser as an essential?

It all started last year when I worked in a big office with hundreds of other people for the first time. I finally had a real-life reason to say, 'We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto.' Nobody heard me but one of the office guys noticed my face and asked if I was okay. No, I wasn't. I was distressed at working in a massive Matrix-like office and was praying in my head that a detached voice on a mobile phone would tell me to climb out the window and escape. But, no, I was now one of the worker ants.

Commuting on a train with hundreds of other humans then being shoved in office with hundreds more made me instantly ill. I'd come from working in large spaces with few people to large spaces with too many people. Little Sissy Pham who's learned the ways of modern office life made me get hand sanitiser - she prefers Purell hand sanitiser because it absorbs better but I got Dettol because it was in a rack by the check-out in Big W. Public transport, shared toilets, elevator buttons, ATM buttons, escalators arms... if you touch it too, sanitise! Sanitise! At least, until your immune system toughens up a bit. I'm back to a larger space with fewer people so I don't need to sanitise 100 times a day but I still carry a bottle with me, just in case. It came in handy the other week when my pal needed to do a stealth bush-wee.

I learned to touch type on a typewriter. It means I'm old but not as old as you're thinking. There were computers around but being a poor Phamly we didn't get a computer until Big Brother Pham turned 15 and got a job.

Big Brother bought our first think-box but Dad Pham bought my first typewriter. He found it at a garage sale because he was always buying things from garage sales whether we used them or not. Nobody asked for or needed a typewriter but that's never stopped him. His latest buy is an electric drill that he has no use for but still loves.

I was drawn to the typewriter. As soon as I saw it, I knew it was going to be mine. Little me used to write stories all the time and this was a shiny, new way to present my words. I didn't touch type at first because I didn't know there was such a thing. But one of my many IT cousins (why do I have so many cousins in IT?) saw me sitting at the typewriter with my two index and middle fingers and showed me how to be a lady. Okay, nobody ever showed me how to be a lady - Mum gave up before she started; I remember the exact moment her hopes died when I came home after a day well spent sliding down a dirt hill on my arse in a brand new polka dot skirt. Anyhoo, I picked up touch typing fast.


The only problem with learning on a typewriter is that to this day I still punch my keyboards with the vigour I needed to impress ink. Sometimes it sounds like I'm trying to murder my keyboard. This rad moo cow patterned keyboard cover softens the blow. It has put my touch typing to the test because while it looks super awesome, some of the keys are hard to read with red on black print. I had to memorise a couple of function buttons at the top but otherwise, I've still got it. Weehee!

I bought this from my good friend, eBay.

Sometimes I do random stuff like make potato chip trees, become a vegetarian after talking with a mosquito, write a letter to a cat pretending to be a cat... the list goes on. But there is one thing that you can always rely on me to do and that is SHINY THINGS.

People at work have already figured out that anything bright, multi-colour, highly flammable or reflective that comes through our office will make my beady little Asian eyes light up. When the Supra x A-morir appeared, I fell in shoe-love but almost didn't get them just to spite the guys for predicting that I'd get them... but who was I kidding? These shoes are so me!


I mean, just look at the crazy cats at A-morir. I imagine if I had adoptive parents, these two would be them. They've applied double-sided sequin to the Supra WMNS Skytop so I can choose to flip 'em on the black for darker days or flip 'em back for more gold on brighter days. My fave part is the little peep hole at the back of the ankle.

You can get 'em from my work www.culturekings.com.au and before you weird purists get on my back for promoting work stuff, I bought these shoes because I love them and recommend them!

I was expecting goodness from curator Shaun Hossack and his crew of creative misfits and innovators but New Hunting Ground blew me away. It was surreal to see a space I once threw paint at the walls in for fun transformed into a proper art gallery with gorgeous white walls, feature lighting and, of course, stunning art pieces from around the world.

Watch this awesome video of the opening night by EdInFocus. Over 500 people made their way through to enjoy the art. Some of my favourite people were Shaun's parents and sister. Turns out I love all the Hossacks!

The guys at work think I'm nice because every now and then I'll put on my chocolate fairy wings and sprinkle them with a bit of sugar as an afternoon pick-me-up. They don't understand what's really going on. I give out chocolate so I don't feel so bad about eating the deliciousness all the time.   If everyone's eating chocolate, I can totally eat it too! Them's the rules.

If you hoard chocolate like I do when it goes on sale then occasionally have to binge it before it expires, then you can guilt share chocolate at work too! $2 for a pack of 12-16 fun size chocolate that cheers everyone up? Seems like a good investment to me! Of course, every office will have a couple of weirdos who don't eat chocolate so every now and then a potato chip tree is needed for those special, broken few.