KEEP IT IN THE PHAMLY

I never thought my work bestie would be a bit of a jerk whose mind was chaos and creative was genius. I am the complete opposite. I am (too) nice, my mind is orderly and my creative is controlled. Our areas of expertise meant we were desk buddies though, and in no time we bonded over our get shit done work ethic - if not our polar opposite approaches. We unintentionally did the good cop/bad cop act on all shared projects.

Work bestie left the team for the opportunity of a lifetime in Victoria a couple of weeks ago. To make his last day memorable, I plotted with Sweet Cakes to make sure he knew he’d be missed by the team because Other People's Happiness makes us happy. She's a kindred spirit like that.

In the morning, we gifted him his favourite fancy Moleskin diary - but in the financial year so he could replace his calendar year diary and start his new life with a clean slate. This was a genuine gift and totally what he’d expect from me (not that he expected any gifts but, well, have you met me?). This gift also acted as a handy misdirect to make him think this was all he was getting.

When we went for team lunch, I left everyone to their meals long enough for Work bestie to think it was an ordinary team lunch. And when everyone was settled, I stood up and made a big deal to embarrass him then presented him with an “Uninstall Guide” - a parody of the Install Guides he did for the company.

Instead of instructing people on how to install the latest campaign in stores, I instructed people on how to remove him from the company, featuring everyone’s favourite stories and photos of him from the past four years. The surprise worked a treat and he spent the rest of lunch reading the guide and cackling while he shared moments and photos with the crew.

And THEN when he thought it was all over again, I sent a faux Memo to the entire office to action the Uninstall Guide at close of business. And the folks who couldn’t make it to team lunch got a chance to share a laugh with Work bestie.

Then at the end of the day, the whole office gathered to say farewell. It was the perfect send-off.

I've never worked in my own office without other people, unless you count that time I worked from home alone in my bedroom with only a few crows and a spider for company. All other times, I'm in low partitioned pods or big open spaces - never in small confined spaces. The social aspect is great, and I often pick up bits of knowledge that I can use in my work or to help others. But most of the time it's just noise I don't need to absorb. Open plan offices must be great for headphone sales.

In small teams of 2-8 people I used the free ear buds you get with super expensive smartphones, and that was fine. But this year my team has doubled in size and suddenly it went from sometimes not hearing people I was speaking to on the phone to me not being able to hear myself think. Using my mobile phone to make calls fixed the first issue. The second issue required big, on-ear headphones.

Considering I studied music & sound recording at university, you'd think I'd know something about headphones but I don't. I don't remember anything from university, except I met some most excellent people in my film class, and I've managed to keep in touch with one even though she lives in Kuwait these days. Yup, the HECS debt I'm still paying off was worth it.

A little browsing at electronic stores - I know shopping that's not in my pyjamas on the couch is so foreign to me these days. And then some googling brought me to House of Marley. A brand run by Bob Marley's family. They create headphones, speakers and accessories using recycled and repurposed materials. I was sold on those two facts alone.

I got myself the Positive Vibrations headphones because the name is so me, and also the colourways are super cute. Since I haven’t owned on-ear headphones since 2007, I have no idea where these sit on the sound quality scale apart from the fact they are better than the Sony headphones I had a decade ago. The sound is nice, crisp and light. I hate bass-heavy headphones like Beats since I prefer to hear my music not feel it shaking my skull open. Best of all these babies block out my teammates. Ideal!

I don’t know why I was tasked with dressing my eldest niece for her formal last year. Seriously, her mum sees me every weekend. She knows I dress like I rummaged through a kindergarten lost and found box. But even though I look like rainbow vomit, I suppose I am the most responsible and reliable of the Phamlings since I have zero obligations of my own since I am a commitment-phobe.

Yes, I don't have a home, a loan, debts, minimal keys, no lease, no lock-in contracts, any accounts I have are month-to-month. I also prefer work to be on a fixed-contract basis so I know there is a set date to decide whether I stay or go. I like to know I can up and leave at any moment because commitment isn't my thing. I suppose it means I can pick up other people’s duties since I don’t have many of my own. And so, Aunty Ngoc had to learn what girls wear to formals since I never went to my own.  I especially don’t know how to shop for fancy things that fit short, petite teens who don't fit dress or shoe sizes in regular stores. I was clueless.

We went to SO many shops across SO many days, and had zero luck. All the shopping centres, all the known shopping strips - it was only thanks to the Google Maps God on our fourth all-day shopping fail. I had absolutely zero more ideas of where to try so I googled anything on the south side we could try on our way home, and up came Gossip Gowns in the middle of nowhere yet somewhat on our way home. Well, it was in the middle of somewhere obviously but it’s an odd block - almost a traffic island at an intersection in Norman Park, Brisbane, QLD. I didn’t have high hopes after seeing her try on dozens of dresses that didn’t sit or feel right. We were both feeling deflated on what should have been a fun experience.

At first looking at the hundreds of gorgeous gowns, I had a sinking feeling everything would be out of our poor people budget but the lovely ladies saw us looking lost, and offered us help to find a dress we could afford yet looked fabulous.


As soon as eldest niece put the rose gold sequin on, I knew we’d found it. Her body language changed from defeated to excited twists and twirls - the way Disney princesses do when they get makeovers. Disney has ruined reality for us, hasn’t it? But she also tried on a second dress that the sales assistant had offered. When the lady saw her in option 2 she shook her head and said it didn’t show off her great body the way the cheaper sequin dress which I really appreciated and agreed with. It irks me when sales people tell you something looks good when it doesn’t ‘cause they want to make budget more than they want to help you find what’s right for you.

I honestly loved the vibe at Gossip Gowns even though I was a fish out of water there. The ladies there know exactly what they’re doing when it comes to fitting dresses. They have a stand to help short people, can show you where the dress needs to be taken up, have heels on the ready to help envision the final look, and I trusted their knowledge and guidance. It made shopping for a gown so much easier than me blindly leading my poor niece all around Brisbane. If you ever find yourself in need of a school formal dress, I recommend you pay Gossip Gowns a visit!

Phamly holidays - never had one. We did little things that were big deals to a migrant Phamly raising three kids on welfare with no jobs and no car. I remember Dad Pham and Mum Pham took us to Moomba one year in Melbourne when we lived there. Well, they tried to. We took the train to the city but my parents didn’t know exactly where the festival was. They didn’t know enough English to get directions, and us kids were too young and useless to help find the way even though we did speak English. So we ended up getting lost and becoming exhausted in the city. Instead, we settled for lunch at McDonalds (also a treat!) before going home. Looking back it’s a bit sad that that’s about as close to a holiday that our Phamly got.

I’ve taken two holidays in my life. One to Japan in 2010 where my mystical friend who’d lived there planned everything, and one to Bali for a friend’s wedding in 2015 where my gays pretty much determined what we’d do. The trips were both short and sweet - about 10 days from memory. This year, I’ve booked a month long holiday to Europe in August/September with Little Sissy Pham +1, and I’m starting to realise I have no idea how to holiday.

Even though I come across zen because I don’t sweat the small stuff, it doesn’t mean I know how to relax. I’ve worked most of my life and when I was unemployed, I treated job hunting like a full-time job churning out applications, working on my folio or CV - no slacking off allowed. How will I deal with a whole month of just chilling and doing my own thing?

People always talk about loving holidays and travel, though I never quite caught the bug. But then, I change something in my life every 6-12 months, whether it’s job, home or boys - maybe that’s why I never felt the need to escape to a different country, because I’ve never been settled enough to get bored in Australia. And Mum & Dad never got us into the habit of traveling.

Guess we’ll find out what kind of traveller I am soon. Wish me luck! I have no idea what I’m doing.