KEEP IT IN THE PHAMLY

I found this photo of Mum Pham (left) with her bestie (right) at school back in 1966. The duo were separated by the Vietnam War and about 10 years ago reunited when her bestie migrated to Brisbane. The reunion was glorious.

Mum would be 21 in this photo. I wore that same gold bracelet on her right wrist when I was about 20 (sadly, it died a tragic death when I got crushed at a music festival). It would be 15 years before Mum Pham would become a mother. She was pretty much carefree in 1966 and had no idea what lay ahead for her.

Mum Pham studied to become a pharmacist and finished her degree, but never received her official documents because she refused to do a year of military service. She hated learning firearms let alone what that skill was intended for. No way she'd be willing to shoot someone if it came down to that.

All her chemistry and biology studies didn't go to waste though. 13 years later when she fled to Germany with my cousins, and didn't have her 8 older siblings around to cook for her, she had to learn to cook. She was a late bloomer but, by gosh, the woman could cook. Mum Pham used to be able to taste a dish in a restaurant and recreate it at home on a Centrelink and Veterans Affairs budget. Mum could stretch a dollar in ways I still to this day can't figure out with all my access to computers, spreadsheets and calculations.

It makes me sad that Mum Pham passed away just as us kids started coming good. Or maybe her falling ill is what drove us to work harder, be better and succeed. We can afford delicious home-cooked feasts on the regular, presents for occasions and fun Phamly outings that we never could when she was alive.

This Mother's Day, The Phamly will burn incense for Mum Pham and celebrate Big Brother Pham's partner and mother of their 3 gorgeous children. By celebrate, I mean we'll feast. This year we'll be making lemongrass beef & vinegar poached beef rice paper rolls (tofu rice paper rolls for me) and eating until we are all uncomfortable in our own skin. Mum Pham would like that.

Happy Mother's Day everyone - hope you spent it with family and loved ones.

Apologies are hard. Because I don't like to be wrong, let alone admit it. Ask Little Sissy Pham - when we were kids (and into adulthood if I'm honest) I'd argue with her until she agreed I was right even though I knew I wasn't. Only when she'd admit defeat did my fat ego then apologise for being wrong. I have serious issues.

Sometimes it's too hard to apologise to someone but Apomogy makes it easy if there's something you want to get off your chest - like say, accidentally killing someone's mother...?! Apomogy is anonymous apologies expressed on pom-poms because obviously - it's called an apomogy. It's an ongong group art project about saying you're sorry with the help of the almighty pom-pom.

Dad Pham fought against the Viet Cong during the Vietnam War because they were the enemy of the Vietnam Navy (VNN). He didn't truly know Ho Chi Minh's communist regime until the VNN were defeated and he was put in a 'Reeducation Camp' (aka prison camp). It's estimated 1 million people were thrown into the prison camps without trial or process. Prison camp was revenge and punishment for being on the losing side. It was inside the prison camp where Dad Pham learned what the Viet Cong really stood for - cruelty, torture, murder and greed. He learned firsthand the hypocrisy and injustices of their policies and the corruption of the officials that carried out those policies. It's also when Dad realised he couldn't live in Vietnam under their rule if he ever got out of prison.

Usually when friends visit from interstate there's a cafe or restaurant catch-up followed by a short stroll to dessert...which is probably why Little Sissy Pham got me a Fitbit for my birthday now that I think about it. Anyhoo, I have one friend who's an exception to this rule. B is a circus trainer and roller derby athlete. She therefore eats like a teenage boy going through puberty and is constantly active. The longest time she sits still is on a plane to another part of the world where she will go mountain biking, hiking, rock climbing, kayaking and whatever else nature and sport have to offer.

Dad Pham thinks his children are wusses who can't handle the tough life because we were spoiled by Australia's cushy lifestyle. He's right. But he wouldn't have it any other way. He and Mum Pham sacrificed a lot so we could live this sweet, blessed life where we're more likely to be killed by eating too much and exercising too little than malnutrition and labourious jobs.