Dating 101: Don't be a doormat

by - February 14, 2017

My friend's post-marriage mantra is 'Don't Be A Doormat' because "sometimes I'm so flat you won't even notice I'm there." She shared this with me in a not-so subtle attempt to tell me that I've been letting a guy walk all over me. Rogue Fun and I were not a good fit, and at my age I should know better than to force things. I still gave him more chances than any of my supportive girlfriends would have liked (thanks for your patience, ladies, I know I was infuriating by the end). I deserve more effort than I got even if I'm "not hard work" or especially because I'm not hard work, so I had to stop being a doormat and walk away.

Rogue Fun didn't intentionally walk all over me but he took my kindness and understanding for granted. He was very emotionally low key and noncommittal - so much so he didn't appear to care I was around. I'm the complete opposite - I feel all the things and do big and small gestures to show I care about other people's happiness. I thought maybe we'd make a comedic opposites attract duo, and while there was definitely attraction, Rogue Fun became no fun because I need a little affection too. There's only so many cancellations my ego can take before I start feeling rejected. I found myself holding back and toning things down after a while, and if I can't be myself then what's the point? Oh well, we are who we are. I hope he finds someone equally low key to hang out with. And I hope I find someone who's a little excited about seeing me.

Alas, it's back to the drawing board. This sucks because last time I online dated, I had to go on soooooo many filter dates. This is what I call first dates for people you meet online 'cause really you're just meeting to filter out the ones you have zero chemistry with, which was every single one for a year and a half before I met my ex-boyfriend. This time around I was so excited that the first guy passed the chemistry test that I let myself get carried away with the crush. But reality crashed that party pretty quickly.

I am dreading the many, many dud dates I'll have to go on now to find my next connection, but you know what? I deserve the effort. If I expect guys to put in an effort for me, then I need to do the same for myself. And this time, no doormatting. Wish me luck in the dating world. If only all boys could be as sweet as the two young gentleman who offered to be my Valentine's this year, the world would be a much lovelier place.

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