KEEP IT IN THE PHAMLY

Hobbies are for people with time and money. It's something that came up with us Phamlings while dating and now in our relationships because people we dated didn't understand why we didn't have hobbies. What do we do when we're not at work? Free to air TV - it's FREE! Sports cost money, arts & crafts cost money, even TV costs electricity but thankfully Mum Pham was good with budgeting and would keep the power on even if it meant eating rice and lettuce for a while.  

Now that the Phamlings have well paying jobs and disposable incomes, we have upgraded to Netflix. A shared account with Little Sissy, of course - we signed up when we lived together and even when it was $6.50 each instead of the wild $8.50 each a month it was kind of a big deal. We committed very reluctantly.

Phamlings didn't have hobbies growing up because we didn't have much money being on welfare. We watched a lot of television, I'd read library books, and write and draw on scrap paper that my cousin brought home from work mostly with grey lead pencils 'cause I didn't want to use up the colour pencils unless it was a particularly special picture. We didn't get fancy art supplies unless gifted from our relatives. My point is - if you can afford a hobby, you're doing alright. 

Little Sissy Pham would list TV and doing online surveys for rewards as her hobbies if she had bothered to fill that question in on her dating profile back in the day. Sub online surveys out for reading / writing and you've got me. Sub in video games and you have Big Brother Pham. 

I know what hobbies we would have liked to pursue if we had the funds. I used to do circus training once a week for $5 until Mum Pham told me we couldn't afford to keep it up. Little Sissy Pham and Big Brother Pham played tennis through school and really got into it. Big Brother Pham really excelled and was offered a scholarship with a tennis school but we couldn't afford the equipment and didn't have a car to get him to the classes. It's not like we chose to not have hobbies - life just worked out that way. We did what we could within our means. 

Next time you ask someone about their hobbies, don't be so quick to judge if it's not sports that all cost money and time and logistics, or a craft or an art which also all cost money for supplies. Some of us only got hobbies once we were older and had disposable income. 

Holly Ransom spoke about moving out of your comfort zone into your courage zone at an SMB Digital virtual conference in 2020. This concept has stuck with me even though I didn't put it into practice while I tried my darnedest to stay in my comfort zone through COVID-19. After two years of daily changes, then weekly changes, then monthly changes, it started to feel like the worst of COVID disruptions are finally starting to ease (famous last words, right?). I found myself pondering ways to move into my courage zone after that week of devastating floods in Brisbane 'cause it felt like I finally had time to breathe.

I've kept this screenshot of a slide from Holly Ransom's talk on my desktop and revisited it every now and then. I haven't taken a big risk or tried things I've never done before or felt vulnerable in years. If anything, I've been the rock collecting stability and safety during the pandemic at home and at work. Sure I pitched an idea to set up a Project Management Office in my previous role but it was to help the organisation do more of what I'd spent the previous half decade doing.

Last month, I started a new role in a global organisation in an industry I've never worked in. I'm going to be a beginner, doing things I've never tried before, feeling vulnerable, asking questions (because I won't be the person in the room answering everyone else's questions!) and trying my best to be bold.  It's a little scary and a lot exciting to jump feet first into my courage zone after years of living in my comfort zone. Wish me luck!

I half jokingly wrote about planning for chaos at the start of the year, and to teach me a lesson Chaos smacked me right between the eyes, and suddenly it's April and I haven't written a single blog in 3 months.

Normally, in retail life Jan/Feb quiet down after peak Xmas and holiday trade. Me? I jumped right into another round the clock workload and just as things started to let up in March, Dad Pham spent a week in hospital with fluid logged lungs (he's OK now). And of course, I was interviewing for a role I really wanted the day after Dad got out of Emergency. Somehow my sleep deprived brain managed to not say anything that got me axed by the panel and - oh, hello! I start a new role in a whole new industry later this month!

It's always tempting to stay in your comfort zone and do what you know you're good at and enjoy. But, lately, I've started to wonder what untapped potential I may have. What more can I contribute? Life has a funny way of nudging you in the right direction when you're ready to listen. A recruiter hit me up out of the blue about a role in healthcare, and it turns out I can contribute to people's healthcare experience through technology projects. I feel very lucky to have this opportunity to try something new and contribute to my community in a different way.

I've been at the same retail company in various project roles for 6 years, 6 months and 26 days. It had been so long between jobs, I looked up how to resign in case HR guidelines had changed. I've had the greatest time with some of the best people I've ever met (including the Work Pham and Boyfriend Pham!), but a chapter must end in order to start a new one. I'm looking forward to the next chapter of my life.

The Xmas Eve feast that cancelled Xmas for the extended Phamly.

The first full week I've had off work all year and, of course, the very first event I go to on my very first day off on Christmas Eve had a relative who tested positive to COVID-19. I am writing you from Day 3 since close contact, Day 2 of isolation because I didn't find out until Christmas night I had to isolate and get tested. Boyfriend Pham and I went to get tested the very next day. Being Boxing Day with all bar a few testing centres open, the queue was hectic. We got to the drive-through testing pop-up just before it was set to open, and it was a 5.5 hour wait from start to nose/brain-poke. We were prepared for the long wait, and brought our books, snacks, and water to keep ourselves from getting stir-crazy inside the car.  But it was still a bit trying in the Brisbane heat and trying not to kill my car's battery with the constand stop/start.

While we wait for test results, we are reliving our daily routines of the original 6-week lockdown. Home quarantine is much more pleasant in a 3-bedroom townhouse with courtyard overlooking luscious green trees, than a 2-bedroom apartment with balcony overlooking a busy street. Still, Boyfriend Pham is one of those people who is constantly doing something and can't be still for too long so the most challenging part of this 4-day quarantine is keeping him busy. [Edited from 7-day to 4-day: Originally thought we had to stay in for the full 7 days and take a second test, but because we weren't seated at the same table at family feast, I only needed one negative test result! Which makes me question the logic of casual contacts testing on day 1 and getting negative results by Day 3 if the incubation period is 4-5 days after exposure. But oh well - it's what the rules say. I'm free!]

Me? I can sit and read or write or death scroll or binge-watch my days away. With him? I need to get up and do morning yoga, coffee and reading on the balcony / cat enclosure. Tidy up the house. Play with the cat. It's nearing lunchtime? Great, time to cook lunch. Half way through the day now. Afternoon is spent doing at least one productive chore - be it, cleaning, baking, study, research, gardening - otherwise Boyfriend Pham will feel his day has been wasted. Play with the cat. YouTube break! Pre-dinner workout in the lounge room, followed by dinner and then it's time to relax on the couch and watch our latest TV show or a movie. Play with the cat. Bedtime. 

Not the relaxing, movie-going, massage-having, good-food outing holiday I had in mind but, such as life, hey?

You know that feeling when you first download a new app and you're trying to puzzle out how it works? Or you’re a Mac user trying to navigate a Windows machine and vice versa? That confused feeling when tech illiterates can't get new technology working in their favour is how my immigrant parents felt when they fled home turf and wound up in wildly different countries to the community and culture they knew.

I was too small minded and inexperienced in my angsty teen years to respect my parents had risked their lives and left all they knew and loved behind. Instead, I found it frustrating my parents needed help navigating Australian society and that we were disadvantaged children of poor migrants, who didn't know how to make the system work in our favour.

Neither of my parents worked once we got to Australia. In Germany, Dad Pham was in the workforce until schizophrenia crippled his ability to hold down work, and Mum Pham was bullied out of a pharmacy by racist colleagues and customers. In Australia they went on the pension, and so didn't learn anything about the working environment to pass onto us kids.

It took my boss sitting me down and asking me what I wanted for myself a couple of years ago to make me actually think about career. I'd worked with him for years and he pointed out that I have exceptional achievement drive when it comes to my work, but zero achievement drive for myself personally. My immediate response was my parents are Buddhist, they raised us to appreciate what we have and to not want. Wanting things is a very Western culture thing. Though, I suppose, I live in Western society so I went away from that meeting and had a think about what I wanted for myself.

I've never had career development as a personal goal. My personal goals have always been things like being kind, finding positive ways to view life challenges or mundane things, learning from every experience. Career development is something I thought people with career paths did. You go to uni to study a thing, then you do the thing, and progress to more of the thing. I've been jumping all over the shop from high school math/science to creative uni studies to journalism then digital content then ecommerce then miscellaneous projects. 

I went back to my boss and told him I enjoy the project work I do, I am good at willing things to happen, and to develop my career I wanted to do what I do but for the whole company in a more official capacity. It took 18+ months to make it happen, but you are now reading the blog of a Project Management Office (PMO) Manager. Not too scrappy for a kid raised on Government handouts who went to a public school in low income area, where I got voted most likely to succeed which sounds positive until you learn parts of my peer group dropped out of high school and others had to be coaxed, pushed and prodded across the finish line.  

I am learning lots in my new role, and have lots more to learn, but it's exciting to have direction and focus. I wish I had personal career direction before my 30s but, hey, it's never too late to start. I'm proactively coaching the younger people in my life to be more progress driven, prepare themselves for growth and better opportunities - basically, teaching them how to work the system in their favour. I'm hoping anyone reading this will ask themselves what they want, and have a think about how to get there. If you want to talk it through, hit me up.

I was very happy and very glad to make it to Melbourne for a whirlwind trip in June this year. I was there for 48 hours and made zero other plans (sorry any Melbourne friends reading this) besides the 90th birthday and conspiring with my cousin to surprise my Aunty on my one free night. 

I stayed with childhood bestie, B (back when I used to have best friends, now you're either a good friend or not a friend) in her mum and the Birthday Boy's house in inner-city Melbourne. Their glorious two storey old Victorian home is where I spent most of my time when I wasn't at school or at home. The sights and smells brought back nostalgic memories of many years in my child to teen-hood. I hadn't realised until I stayed here again (this time in the guest room instead of B's bunk bed... partially because I'm an adult but mainly because her bunk bed is no longer around) that this house was my childhood sanctuary. The feeling of calm and nurturing that little me would have been too oblivious to observe and appreciate did not go over my head this time. 

Kitchen where I spent many hours of my youth

Birthday Boy was like surrogate father to younger me. He'd take care of us after school, made sure we did our homework and had snacks. When we got to high school because neither of my parents drove or had a car, he'd carpool Little Sissy Pham and me to school. He was always generously looking out for us growing up. I didn't clue on to the fact he needed us kids just as much as we needed him. 

The Maritime Union of Australia hosted Birthday Boy's big bash. It was a momentous occasion where they acknowledged the wrongs of the past that saw Birthday Boy ousted from the union and no longer employed. The timing happened to align with B bringing home a few kids from school who Birthday Boy took under his wing as part of his full-time stay at home dad duties. 

I was honoured and humbled to get an invite to his birthday, along with a function room full of other guests he'd positively impacted over the years. I wouldn't risk a COVID-19 lockdown and quarantining for many people, but Birthday Boy and B are extended Phamly. Worth the trip. Wish I could have stayed longer but I had a postponed 2020 wedding to fly to Cairns for. That saga will be another blog post. 

The always well-stocked fruit bowl from where I tasted nectarines and peaches for the first time

I've been lucky enough to be COVID-adjacent for most of the past year and a half, going through lockdowns and closures and restrictions without drama beyond postponing or cancelling plans. But this most recent lockdown has been COVID-ful. Lockdown began like any other with the cancelling of plans and working for half the weekend instead to be productive... and then we got our first vaccinations, learned Boyfriend Pham had been in a close contact hotspot, went to a 24-hour testing clinic that just opened up in 8 Miles Plains, and got our negative results but still need to quarantine for a few more days.

The bright side of this latest lockdown is that AstraZeneca has been made readily available from GPs, and now I hear local pharmacies too. The tune has changed around not wanting anyone under 60 to have AZ. Boyfriend Pham and I booked in with the GPs for our first doses mid-week and, boy, was that a mistake. They do warn you that there are some side-effects for 24-48 hours, but really the messaging should be prepared to be out of action for 24-48 hours. 

I guess I'm writing this post so you're prepared if you choose to vaccinate with AstraZeneca. Please stock up on ibuprofen (we had Nurofen but any brand of ibuprofen will do) in case you need it. Not everyone's immune system responds the same way. From the six friends I've heard from since sharing my experience, the symptoms are exhaustion through to flu-like symptoms and lasts for half a day to the full two days.

So what did Boyfriend Pham and I experience? Immediately after the vaccine, we felt fine. I drove us home and we went back to work. About an hour later I started feeling flushed, my forehead was starting to burn up so I popped some panamax (not strong enough, it turns out) and kept working. After work, I walked the whole two metres from the dining table to our couch and felt utterly depleted of energy. Boyfriend Pham was still going strong. He played Xbox games while I played braindead.

When bedtime rolled I crawled into bed in a tee and Boyfriend Pham screamed 'cause my hands and feet were freezing. I couldn't tell my body was cold because my head was still on fever fire. So I got back out of bed, put on pants, a jumper and fuzzy socks and climbed back into bed. This time no matter how I curled up I couldn't get warm. I quietly suffered on my own until around 8.5 hours after our shot, Boyfriend Pham suddenly dropped off a cliff. 

He too started burning up and feeling freezing cold. He spent the next few hours physically shaking because his body was so cold. Eventually we fell asleep I think for about 1.5 hours then he got up to go to the bathroom, and I got up to get water because I'd sweated myself into dehydration even though I still didn't feel warm. We spent another few hours suffering before exhaustion put us to sleep for another hour. By morning I'd already told my boss I wasn't going to make it work work at my dining table that day. Instead, we spent the day on the couch feeling sick and sorry for ourselves. 

I can't even remember what we ate that day but I didn't have much appetite. Me! Yeah, I know, it means I was super sick. I had enough brain power for a family-friendly Disney movie. By 4pm, about 26.5 hours after our shots, Boyfriend Pham was able to get off the couch. I could shuffle about but I dreaded the thought of doing anything as focussed as cooking dinner. Instead, we ordered fish & chips and Boyfriend Pham drove us to collect it. I mainly ate chips 'cause the fish was too rich. We went to bed exhausted but at least we could feel the warmth of two blankets this time. The next morning, we woke up and it was like the last 30 hours hadn't happened. 

I'm told the second dose of AstraZeneca doesn't trigger any reactions. I have the day off work anyway to either stay home and feel sick or just to have a long weekend to celebrate my 100% vaccinated status. Good luck to anyone getting vaccinated, and good on you!

I received devastating news recently about an old friend who took her own life, and I've been struggling to process her death. So here I am writing my way through the sadness and shock. 

Scar was a beautiful human being inside and out. She was a few years younger than me but when we met I wanted to be like her when I grew up. She was bright, bold, welcoming, and loving. We crossed paths in our early 20s during my warehouse party era and she influenced shy, reserved me for the better. Scar helped me come out of my bubble with her daringly open ways in our formative years. We drifted apart when I moved away from Melbourne, but all my memories with her are warm and vibrant and happy. I find it hard to connect her effervescent aura with such a muted and lonely goodbye.

I had no idea she struggled with mental health and suicidal thoughts. I am shocked, but not surprised that I was oblivious because Scar carried herself with such strength and grace through life. I am horribly sad she chose to leave this world, and I wish life had been kinder to someone who made life more colourful and enjoyable for others. I hope she found the peace she was seeking, and I hope the family and friends she left behind will be OK. 

I've been a cat lady without any cats for 5 years since I lost both my lifelong friend Tigger Pham and foster kitty Frederick, the Great a day apart. I lived with Nolan Pham for a while then went into the rental market for a few years. Now that Boyfriend Pham and I are settling into our first home, I've been thinking more and more about how it'd be a nice home for a Pham Pet. It's been one month to the day since we got Rei Pham. 

Rei came to us in a series of fortunately, unfortunate events. After she became lost and squatted on Somebody's porch, Somebody left her there for a few days to see if she'd find her way home. She did not so Somebody took Rei into work. At work, Boyfriend Pham's family took her home when nobody else, not even the local RSPCA, could take her in. 

That weekend they had plans to visit family in Brisbane and Rei was too young to be left at home alone so they took her along for the weekend. They tried to rehome her at their sister's but the sister's partner said no deal! So on their way home, they still had Rei with them when they pit stopped to visit us. As they walked through the door, they asked if I was allergic to cats. I replied, 'No, actually, we were talking about getting a cat the other day.' His face lit up. His friend was visiting this week and deathly allergic to cats so how about we keep Rei for a week to catsit and trial her? See if we were her furever Phamly. We are.

She was timid for about a minute on her first night with us as she explored the house. Day 2 was playful fun. Day 3 she gained confidence to try more things. Day 4 she was strutting around like she owned the place. We knew then she was happy here, and let Boyfriend Pham's family know she wanted to keep us as her humans.

Rei has been multiple variations of her final name in her short few months of life. First, she was Reirei from The Lion King to match Boyfriend Pham's other pets Nala and Simba. But when they went to microchip her, they felt Reirei was tricky so she officially became Ray...for a week before I renamed her Rei after Rei Ayanami, the First Child in the Evangelion anime series. So, hello World, meet Rei! The First Child of Boyfriend Pham and me. She's settled in just fiiinnneee.

 

My HealthMate tracker bummed me out when it sent me a summary of 2020 stats compared to my 2019 activity. I had a very inactive last year. Lockdown, gym closures and every city dwellers' reality on and off these days.

My body punished me for my inactivity by locking up my lower back. It wasn't a fun way to spend Xmas break but it did force me to pay more attention to my physical health.

Dat Pham (no relation) at Northwest Physio was able to get my back back on track after only a few sessions. Once I had more movement in my body, he gave me a bunch of core strength exercises to make me stronger and more flexible. Basically, he doesn't want to see me much so the best way to do that is to make me fitter.

I've been doing my physio exercises at the gym and less of the deadlifts, squats and other weightlifting exercises I used to focus on solely. Gotta listen to my body more, and it wants more stretch and less strain this year. 

Finally! Social plans that didn't get cancelled at the last minute! ...Mainly because they didn't involve interstate visitors or travel. 

I spent the first day of 2021 visiting some of Boyfriend Pham's family. They moved just a couple hours outside Brisbane at the end of last year, so we went for an overnight stay on New Year's Day. It was Day 8 of my 11-day holiday, but felt like the first day I fully relaxed and enjoyed myself. Ecommerce life, hey?

We spent the day making and eating woodfired pizza, then got walked by their dog, before a night of playing board games all with lots of fun conversation. Seeing friends and hearing stories from outside my little Brisbane bubble is what I missed most from 2020. That, plus the amazing food at the now permanently closed Maria's Caribbean kitchen in Toowong - devastating. 

Being out of my house/Brisbane/regular surrounds let me properly chill out after being in high functioning mode for a lot of last year. It made me nostalgic for travel that we all took for granted, and planted the seed that I need to get out of my regular routine this year. Of course, it's easier said than done. As I write, a friend in Tassie and I were waiting for today's announcement as to whether Brisbane has been removed from Tasmania's naughty list so our Gold Coast getaway can go ahead as planned. And the update was that there'll be another update in 48-hours. But then the convention she was coming up for got canned so we cancelled our catch up. I still kept my annual leave days though, because I need the break.

Making travel plans is a bigger gamble than it used to be, but I'm going to jump at any opportunities that arise year. That, plus we have a $400 flight voucher that expires in October so we should probably use it. Unfortunately, everyone we're close with is a city-dweller and either their city is a hotspot, or their city thinks we're a hotspot. 

I’ve gone over what 2020 wasn’t. Now on New Years Eve, I’ve finally had a week of staycation to unwind and look back on the year that was. 

B and V are my childhood besties. The kind of friends who you grew up with and even though you live in different parts of the country or world at times, when you come together it’s like you’ve never been apart? These two are my long distance, close friends.

Well, both of them are living their best COVID-19 impacted lives. While I was buying my first home and am now settling down during COVID-times, both B and V had fled their homes and haven’t been back since March.

B went on a holiday to Tasmania and when the first wave of Melbourne lockdowns began, decided it was safest to stay in Tassie for the sake of her elderly parents. So while the majority of my Melbourne friends have suffered through a second, long lockdown period, B has spent endless days hiking, biking and adventuring in nature, and eating amazing looking food. Lucky me gets to stalk her private Google Photos feed - she’s one of those peeps who doesn’t mobile phone let alone social media.

V has had nature adventures of a different kind. She’s been living on a boat the past 6 months. It sounds like a dream but she’s working remotely so spends her days ignoring the gorgeous sites outside, tapping away on her laptop in a tiny corner of an already small table on a boat. Still, I imagine finishing work and stepping outside to a sea breeze ain’t all that bad.

I caught up with V in Brisbane as soon as the QLD-NSW borders opened. It was fun to hear about her COVID-19 life, and what’s waiting for her back home. Mainly, a car with a flat battery and perhaps some neighbours who may think she’s dead because she didn’t tell anyone she was going and wasn’t expecting to be away for at least the rest of this year.

2020 has been a write-off in many ways, but it’s awesome to hear the silver lining people have found. If you have any positive outcomes from this wreck of a year, please do share - I’d love to hear it. Email blog@thephamly.com.au

a) Big Brother Pham would build him a granny flat, and

b) when Dad passes, his loser middle daughter (me) would be allowed to live in the granny flat.

I didn’t enjoy work from home life in a previous role. I got so lonely I started chatting to the spider that lived on my desk, and the two crows that came to perch on the fence. I was also single and didn’t have motivation to take breaks in the evenings, get out of my pyjamas or even shower for that matter. I became quite ill and depressed after six months, and resigned a few months after that.

I am thoroughly enjoying work from home life this time around. After nearly 5 years of long daily commutes, I’m enjoying not wasting hours of my life crawling through traffic. I’ve taken some lessons from my last experience working from home.

This time I make sure I get dressed every day like I would normally for work. In three months, there was one day where I was in gym gear because I did a workout and before I could shower and dress, work exploded in my face. And a second day where I did a morning of meetings in my PJs because I’d slept in, and didn’t get dressed until lunch time.

The gym gear day

Pretty much every older Asian lady in my life wears a jade bracelet, and I’ve come to the realisation that I am now that older Asian lady to my nieces. I broke the cheap jade bracelet Mum Pham gave me a couple of years ago, and I was reluctant to wear the high quality bracelet I inherited from Mum because, well, I broke my last one. Mum’s one is dense and has flecks of black and a swirl of brown on a dominantly green and white band. It’s definitely in a different league to the one I used to wear when it comes to quality.

Towards the end of her time, Mum Pham had become weak and lost blood flow. She stopped wearing her jade bracelet because it was too heavy and cold. She started to carry it around in her money pouch. You know the money pouches that you’re encouraged to use overseas so pickpockets can’t get at your goods while you’re vulnerable in a foreign land? Mum wore that all the time and it was stashed with cash, jewellery, . I’m trying to picture when I first noticed and I think she started wearing it after we got robbed in Australia, and she lost family heirlooms and other valuables.

Anyhoo, back to the bracelet that spent a year or so following Mum around in her money pouch. After she passed away, it spent over 5 years in Mum’s make up / jewellery box that I’d inherited. I recently decided it’s silly not to wear Mum’s bracelet out of fear of breaking it. I’m sure Mum would rather I wear it so I remember her whenever I glimpse it or clang it on something, or whenever I fall asleep on it funny and my wrist aches the next morning, or whenever I hug Boyfriend Pham too tight and it jabs him, and I’m reminded he’s never met Mum but if he did she probably would jab him and tell him to eat more of whatever delicious feast she’s served up. It now lives on my right wrist just like it used to live on Mum’s. This photo is from 2004 on Big Brother Pham's birthday - seafood stir fry noodles with a side of chicken soup.

The world is a weird place right now. Every now and then when I start to feel overwhelmed, I remind myself that my parents had their lives torn apart by war. Their worlds were turned upside down, they lost their homes, their family, friends and everything they’d ever known.

A pandemic where we’re asked to stay in the comfort of our home, and only venture out to buy groceries from supermarkets that would be fully stocked if people hadn’t panic bought supplies? If this is the worst event I’ve been through in my life then I am lucky.

I’ve learned two main things from the pandemic so far.

One: I didn’t need to stock up on any high-demand items because, as it turns out, I’ve been panic buying my whole life - I just didn’t know the official term for it so I called it ‘hoarding.’ You see, Mum Pham taught us to bulk buy items on sale to save money in the long-term. Buying full price is for chumps! I have at least 1-2 extra cans, bottles, packets, bags of… well, everything. When items started disappearing from shelves I still had at least a month’s supply of most things. Thanks Mum Pham.

Two: Humanity can work together to manage global issues. Sure, it has been hit and miss as governments and health experts figure out how best to respond to a super-infectious, fast-spreading virus. But entire countries are putting the economy and society on pause to save as many people’s lives as we can. Imagine what we can do when we work together to tackle other global issues like ocean plastic, air pollution, and destructive energy? That, of course, would require politicians to listen to other scientists the way they’ve listened to medical experts. While I don’t hold much hope that current governing powers will backflip on climate change, I have hope the future generations are seeing what we can do together, and when they’re in power they’ll make the tough decisions our current leaders aren’t making.

It’s hard to be the first person to say ‘I love you,’ which is why I recommend you tell people ‘you love me’ instead. It makes things way easier so long as you’re comfortable coming across like an arrogant jerk.

It works well in situations with your partner. Whenever I do anything annoying to Boyfriend Pham like squeezing his arm non-stop and aggressively because it’s a habit from my childhood to adulthood with Mum Pham’s arms, and he looks exasperated and is about to tell me to stop. I remind him ‘You love me!’ To which he sighs and says in defeated tones, ‘I know.’

I’m not the only arm-obsessive, Little Sissy Pham has the same arm squishing habit I do. You guys don’t understand, Mum Pham’s arms were the best to squeeze affectionately and sometimes aggressively. So satisfying!

‘You love me’ also works well with siblings. I’m constantly reminding Little Sissy Pham that she loves me just in case she forgets, especially while I’m doing my big sister duties and birth right to poke fun at her every chance that I get. Like that time I teased her lisp relentlessly until she learned how to pronounce ‘crocodile’ and ‘smile’ properly. Or that time pigeon-toed me made fun of her funny, out-turned waddle walk until she trained herself to walk with her feet pointed straight ahead. Ah, she loves me.