KEEP IT IN THE PHAMLY

I got sidetracked from my Dad Series because of our Phamly Reunion in Europe last September. Though, thanks to that trip I learned a bit more about my parents' life in Germany. The early years were tough because they had been all about settling in and learning their new country. The later years were tough because that’s when Dad Pham got sick.

Long Lost German Cousin told us of mum’s hardship. Mum Pham gave up trying to study to pharmacy. She’d graduated in Vietnam but her degree wasn’t valid in Germany, and also she had to learn the hardest and harshest sounding language I’ve ever heard to complete her studies in her new home. She did work for a short time at a pharmacy but it didn’t work out. Things were too much for her to manage since she had to take care of Dad who was in and out of hospital for schizophrenia nearly a dozen times during this period, and she was also caring for three young children in a country that was foreign to her, on next to no budget because poor refugees.

I look at the luxuries our Phamly can afford now - Big Brother Pham and Little Sissy Pham are homeowners, Dad Pham can afford takeout meals, I can afford to spend extra for more ethical items instead of all the no-name branded things we lived on as kids. I wish Mum Pham knew how well she’d set us up for life during her hardships to make the burden feel worth her while. The struggle she must have felt, wondering how she would get her family through the next days, weeks, and months - and not knowing whether this would be forever.


Cousin said she never wavered no matter the trials life threw at her. He remembers life was stressful for her, but she never let it impact others. Mum had the kindest heart of anyone I’ve ever met, but it didn’t make her soft or maybe that’s where her strength came from; she needed to be strong to care for everyone. She was steadfast, and determined - admirable traits that she tried to pass onto me but, alas, I’m more stubborn and annoying. Close, but not quite.

Back in Germany, we walked the streets where Mum used to push two babies in a pram (Little Sissy Pham and me) while Big Brother Pham clung to her side. The locals pitied Mum, the poor Asian lady with three young kids. The whole time we were in our hometown, we only saw two other Asian people who weren’t our relatives. Back then, Asian people would have been so new and different and rare for the locals. One time, Mum told us Big Brother Pham strayed from her because he was always running off as a tiny tot but a German lady returned him to her, because she was so obviously the only person in the mall who could be related to a little Vietnamese boy.

Mum & Dad gloss over the trying parts of their lives with us kids, so I’m grateful our Long Lost German Cousin lived with them in Germany. He was old enough to remember the way things were. I have next to no memories of Germany, it is a blur to Big Brother Pham - we mostly only remember our childhoods in Australia. Which I will cover next in my Dad Series.



If you want to start from the beginning of Phamly history, read:
Part 1 - O Captain! My Captain! Dad Pham's navy days during the Vietnam War.
Part 2 - P.O.W. Viet Cong Re-education Camp Dad Pham's time as a prisoner of war.
Part 3 - Living with Viet Cong Mum Pham's experience with communism.
Part 4 - Boat People Dad Pham seeks refuge after the war.
Part 5 - Finding Faith Dad finds peace.
Part 6 - When Herr met Frau - Dad Pham meets Mum Pham.
Part 7 - Life in Germany: the early years - Dad Pham sets up life in Germany.
Part 8 - Life in Germany: the later years - Dad gets sick, Mum steps up.
Part 9 - Getting ready for Australia - Mum Pham is on a mission.
Part 10 - Coming to Australia - My first memories of Australia.
Part 11 - Live in Brisbane the first time - The story of why we left Brisbane.
Part 12 - Moving to Melbourne - First impressions.
Part 13 - Life in Melbourne - Dad Pham - The good old days.
Part 14 - The Other Phams - Our neighbours in Melbourne were Phams too.
Part 15 - Life in Melbourne - Mum Pham - Our Sunday Phamly traditions began in Melbourne.
Part 16 - Cats On A Train - Moving to Brisbane
Part 17 - Sleepwalking Scare - Moving to Brisbane continued
Part 18 - A House in Brisbane - Moving to Brisbane continued some more

I went back to liquid shampoo and conditioner this month after trying plastic free hair for a year and a half. This is the longest time I’ve tried anything because I really wanted to make it work - I even cut off 60% of my hair to make it more manageable, but in the end I have to admit shampoo bars are not right for me. I do think it will work for people with finer hair, though. My hair is thick and coarse, and the bars cling to it leaving my hair thick (which I like), but also sticky and dusty. I still travel with shampoo and conditioner bars because it's convenient, but for long term use, I need to mix in a liquid shampoo and conditioner to rinse out the shampoo bar gunk that collects.

These are my recommendations for shampoo & conditioner bars if you want to give it a whirl yourself.

Shampoo bars - The Beauty & The Bees - Voodoo Black Bamboo from Biome was my favourite. It lathers up nicely when you rub it on your wet hair, it left my hair 'volumnessy' as someone at work described it. I chop my bars in half because I have tiny hands syndrome (it hurts my feelings that I have something in common with Donald Trump) and also makes one bar last longer.

Conditioner bars - I tried diluted Apple Cider Vinegar twice a week instead of conditioner for three months, but no matter how watered down or infrequent, I found it irritated my scalp. My hair also smelled a bit gross because the vinegar smell clung to it. So I moved onto conditioner bars.

Lush sell 3 conditioner bars and I’ve tried them all. Eldest niece who is somehow old enough to have a job (when did that happen?!) bought me "Jungle" for Xmas. I used the whole bar, but it didn't work wonders for my knotty shampoo bar hair, even though my hair 'smells amazing' according to another workmate. Why do so many work people comment on my hair?

I tried a couple more from Lush. ‘Sugar Daddy-O’ didn’t do much to smooth my hair either though it smelled great. But ‘Big’ makes my hair nice and soft, and smooth - it’s my favourite of the Lush conditioner bars and I’m still using it now.

Some of you may remember that I pranked Tuna Breath on his birthday by getting the whole team to buy him a tonne of tuna tins. He promised revenge, and put 3 calendar reminders into his computer to make sure he didn't forget. Well, guys, he delivered.

I arrived at work to find multiple types of chillies on my desk, in the tackiest, pinkest, most glitter covered bag and birthday card. He found out that I am obsessed with chilli - I have 3 types of hot sauce in my desk, pickled chilli in the fridge and sometimes fresh chilli too. Sweet Cakes was in on the prank too - she made me a beautiful birthday cake, with a side of minced chilli in a jar. Too cute. Tuna Breath nailed it. I'm going to be feasting on these chillies for months.


After work for Single Ladies Valentine's Day Birthday, I went for dinner with gal pals - 100% of whom were on loan from their boyfriends so my Single Ladies Bdays very not single these days. You're welcome, guys, most of you were off the hook for Valentine's Day - the most awkward days for going on dates, because romance is dead and people my generation and younger don't know how to cope with feelings. It makes for great people watching on the night, but from the looks of things not many great dates. The heat wave and everyone's face melting probably didn't help the looks of despair I saw on some lovebirds.

This year was my first birthday free from online dating horror stories since I quit Tinder and consequently dating. It meant I didn't have any hilarious / awful stories to share so instead we talked about travel plans, careers, hobbies, media, entertainment. It was fun!

Dinner was at Popolo in South Bank - one of my special treat places. You know, where the prices aren't cheap but the food is amazing, and the service exceptional so you go there only for special occasions. The awesome team at Popolo surprised me with a free cocktail, and free dessert. In your face Valentine's Day daters - I got freebies 'cause I was born. Bet you wish you were sad, alone, and born on Valentine's Day like me now, hey? Yeah, be jealous.

Dad Pham dreamt of us kids before we were born. Each dream came to reflect our personalities and lives. It could be coincidence, or it could be something else. Interpret the dreams as you wish.

Big Brother Pham
Before Big Brother Pham was born, Dad had a dream that he was standing in the open under a dark and stormy sky. God told him he was expecting a son, and the son would be his close friend, yet being trials and hardship to his life.

True to his dream, Big Brother is Dad's friend and also the child with the most difficult life. It impacted Dad and The Phamly a lot in our early years. Though, now the storm has finally passed and Big Brother and Dad Pham are living together and having the best time.

Big Sissy Pham (Me)
I, of course, was the most difficult of his dreams. Dad dreamt it was night time and he was crawling on his belly, deep in mud under barbed wire - he was cut from getting caught on the wires and bleeding. Ahead he could see a building with its lights on, which he instinctively knew he had to reach. As he pulled himself further and further, the wire got lower and lower until it was ripping him open. He started vomitting blood.

When he finally reached the building, he crawled up the steps to the building where, exhausted and bleeding, he found a room full of Vietnamese boys and a single Western woman wearing leopard print - he knew instantly she was strong, difficult and the boss. He had to choose between the boys and the girl. He picked me.

I bet he regretted his decision in my early teens to early twenties when I butted heads with my parents over their Vietnamese cultural beliefs and my Westernised ways. These days, I use my knowledge of Western culture to make sure Dad gets the best of both worlds - his Vietnamese roots and the benefits of living in Australia, instead of clashing with him. Cultures can co-exist, it's not one or the other - I saw the world as too black & white when I was younger.


Little Sissy Pham
When Little Sissy Pham was conceived, Dad dreamt he was by the sea when a German man in a formal suit told him he'd have a boy. The man then transformed into a half shark / half frog creature and hopped away across the water.

Now Little Sissy is a boy so the dream was somewhat wrong, except for the part where she identified as a boy until her mid-teen years. Whenever we role played games as kids, I would be the princess and she would be the distress. I also had to refer to her as Brother in Vietnamese. Though these days she's girlier than I am.

Little Brother Pham
Dad never had any dreams of our little brother. Before Mum came to term, she slipped on ice and fell hard - we lost our little brother who was stillborn.

This past year wasn’t my greatest. I feel like every year I get more extreme lows and highs than the last. Is this because I’m adulting and am more aware of my life’s twists and turns now? Or am I just really bad at keeping balance in my life? Either way, I am glad to see this year end.

The highlight for me was definitely my trip to Europe and seeing my German Phamly for the first time in 3 decades. The lowlights were Dad Pham’s health scare, the ongoing boy fails, and farewelling work bestie and corny chips. It's always tough saying goodbye to good people.

Things ended well enough though. I’ve made some new friends to add to my small collection of excellent humans in my life; Dad Pham has PhamLe living next door; and I have cats everywhere I go now. Cats are the greatest reminder that humans should be humble because we are clearly inferior to these majestic (yet dopey) creatures. Also, I wish I had a domestic cat's life - lazing around for most of my life, and still being super athletic and wild when I'm active. If I'm inactive for more than a day, my hard earned muscles turn to mush and I have trouble getting out of bed. Lucky cats.

Here’s hoping I can keep up the good momentum from the end of this year into the next. Goals include getting fitter - not as fit as a cat, I'm trying to be realistic here. I’ve been keeping up my Groove Therapy classes, and have added 1-2 more swim sessions a week, I even started jogging after a fill-in Groove Therapy teacher put us through an hour of nonstop jumping and I realised my cardio needs a lot of work when I nearly keeled over during blass. Lastly, I’ve started adult beginner ballet classes again. Another goal is getting back to nature more - less city dwelling weekends. And lastly, my friends are a bigger focus now I’ve given up online dating people I don’t like. Phamly have always and will always be a top priority so they're not a goal, they're a way of life.

Wish me luck kicking all my goals for this year. I wish you all a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year too!

Big Brother Pham’s PhamLe moved in with Dad Pham at the end of last year, and Dad couldn’t be happier. Well, maybe he could - he keeps telling me to move home now that Little Sissy Pham has settled down with a partner. But, well, the fool went and got an adorable kitten so I won’t be leaving any time soon.

Dad Pham gets to see his grandchildren every day, and his favourite (read: only) son too. I still take Dad for his weekly grocery shop and cook Phamly dinner with him because that’s our time. But now he has someone to check in on him regularly throughout the week, and it’s nice he has the companionship without having to share his roof - he likes his independence.

After Xmas lunch this year, I was talking to him about his new living arrangement and he is so happy. Some mornings he doesn’t speak to them, but he’ll watch for them out the window when they leave for school or work, and that’s enough to make him smile. His favourite time of day is when the girls have their bath time. From his bedroom where he listens to his radio at night, he can hear the girls laughing and playing in the tub in their house. He doesn’t understand what they’re saying, but hearing their laughter makes him happy.

Grandparents are the sweetest.

Most mornings on the way to work, I drive by an old, retro matte black Volkswagen buggy. It makes me grin to myself because I can't help but think someone driving that buggy with its retro esky and surfboard on the roof rack must be living their best life. You don't pack that much personality into your car if you're into conforming and keeping up with the latest trends. This person is clearly, unashamedly themselves. I love it.

I've been meaning to leave a 'yay you!' letter on their dashboard for the longest time to express my appreciation and admiration. But being me and living on the other side of town from work, I am always stuck in traffic and running late (but refuse to get up earlier than 5am to get in my morning walk/jog before work) so haven't gotten around to it. That is, until Xmas came around and traffic started to die down and I was in the spirit of giving (even more so than usual) since it's the season to think of Other People's Happiness.

I finally wrote, sealed and delivered a little note on Dec 27th, 2017 when the roads to work were nearly empty because non-retail industry types get to holidaze. I had that extra 5 minutes to pull over, tuck the note under their windscreen wiper and head off to work.

I hope whoever owns the Buggy doesn't think their car has been hit or they've gotten a fine when they see a note on the front. I wrote Happy Holidays in black on the outside so hopefully they realise it's a positive note before they open it. Wishing you a happy life, whoever you are!

I went from no cats for nearly 3 years to suddenly two beautifully adorable and different kitties. Nolan Pham, I live with and he’s an absolute bundle of joy. Sprite is Big Brother Pham’s cat and lives with Dad Pham because the granddaughters love - but are allergic to - cats. She's also called Splat just because.

Sprite’s origin story is not as tragic as Nolan’s was, but it’s still a little sad. As a kitty she belonged to an elderly lady who passed away. The lady’s family inherited Sprite but they weren’t cat people so she ran away. Sprite ventured into Big Brother Pham’s yard one day where she met my Sister-In-Law and never left. At the time they just called her Cat.

Cat kept returning every day, and at first, they thought she belonged to the new neighbours but eventually figured out she was no one’s cat and living in Big Brother Pham’s garage. Slowly, they began to feed her and soon she felt like part of The PhamLe.

Cat injured herself one day, and Sister-In-Law arranged a vet appointment where she learned Cat’s given name is ridiculously girly and didn’t suit this solemn, gentle, docile cat so she remained Cat. She was adopted out by the RSPCA 4 years ago, and had no record of vet appointments since then. Sister-In-Law wanted to adopt Cat but didn’t want to get her children’s hopes up in case her old family came for her, so Cat remained a visitor that they loved, fed and cared for.


Sure enough, a month later a family with young kids rocked up to the house to claim Cat. We thought it was goodbye forever until the next day when Cat came right back to The PhamLe and stayed for another couple of months. Just as Sister-In-Law was starting to think maybe Cat’s unwanted family weren’t coming back, they rocked up for the second time and took her. And again, Cat ditched them and came right back to The PhamLe. This time though, we knew her old family were moving away to regional QLD soon, and held our breath for days hoping they wouldn’t come and take her for the move. They did not. And so, Cat was given her Phamly name: Sprite. The young nieces think she’s named for fairies but, really, eldest niece really likes the fizzy drink. But Sprite is hard for kids to say so now she's also called Splat.

When Big Brother Pham moved next door to Dad Pham, we weren’t sure if she was attached to their old house or to The PhamLe so still there was hesitation about making her officially one of us. The first day she was, understandably, stressed going from an outdoor roaming cat to being confined in Dad’s house while we moved Bro’s life into his house. But next day, Sprite was already exploring the house, and a couple of days later she was adventuring around her new yard. Dad’s house has a cat door because of Tigger Pham back in the day, so she can come and go as she pleases. And she strangely chooses to stay indoors for most of the day, unless the girls or Sister-In-Law are outside and she goes to say hi.

She’s got a good, comfortable little life now - indoors, outdoors, constant companionship because Dad Pham is almost always home and if not, her PhamLe is just next door and they visit her throughout the day. When I sleepover, she kindly lets me sleep in my old room while she curls up at my feet. Adorable.

I love cats!

I went to Germany to visit my birth town and see where my parents lived for a decade before they moved to Australia. Little did I know I'd be meeting the origin of my chilli trees there too. Maybe don’t tell border patrol that. My German Uncle’s chillies are all over Brisbane and who knows where else it has migrated. German Uncle is the coolest as you can see from the photo. He rules.

When I was little, I avoided chilli like the plague. I was the wuss at the dinner table who needed to have my own spice and fun free dipping sauce, while the siblings had a medium hot sauce and Dad Pham had eyebrow singing chilli sauce. My, how the tables have turned.

Dad can no longer stomach hot chilli - he can have it mild. Siblings are still in the middle ground but these days I chomp through hot chilli like I don't need my stomach lining in tact. I'll each chilli with nearly every savoury meal in different forms - fresh, minced, paste, pickled, and sometimes combined with sriracha or other hot sauces 'cause I like to feel the burn. It's a combination of the flavour and the spiciness that I love. The trouble is, the more I eat the less I feel the burn so I up the quantity. When it starts upsetting my belly, I take a little break so my body can reset then I start out with a little spice and build back up again. It's a happy cycle.

When we first moved into the house Dad Pham said I'd be rubbish at keeping chilli trees and make a mess of the yard. But I think he got tired of me stripping his chilli trees bare every time I visited on the weekend, so when his old plant started to die, he split its seedlings into 5 smaller trees - one went to B at work, two stayed with Dad and two came home with me. After nearly a year they're finally growing a handful of chillies and boy-o am I excited for when they're in full bloom. Right now, I have to pace myself and have been scavenging chillies from Dad, B, and Uncle T. Crazy to think, these babies originated in Germany like me!

Finally, I am a cat lady again by way of aunty and roommate to an adorable kitten. Still too irresponsible to be a cat mum. Nolan Pham. This little nugget of joy came into our lives in November last year. His origin story isn't a great one.

A piece of human garbage went and put him in a plastic bag, and threw him in a bin. It makes me livid to think of how many animals die abandoned in horrible ways like being thrown in the bin, rivers, left on the side of a road - it's not much more effort and way less cruel to surrender them to an animal shelter.


Little Sissy Pham drove to Toowoomba to meet another kitten named Ava, who was adorable in pictures but didn't like Little Sis when they met. So Little Sis had a play with the other kittens the foster mum was caring for. Ava was there with a few others from her litter, and none of them clicked with Little Sis. Instead, it was the lone wolf of the pack - Nolan, who chose her as his human. He was separated from his litter.

Poor Nolan was found alone sadly, but in a way he was lucky to be alone because his independent streak is what Little Sis wanted. A kitty who can handle being home alone during work days. Nolan is definitely an independent cat, but also affectionate and likes to be around his humans when they’re home - or wander off to play his own games if we’re being too boring. He pretty much owns every room and surface in the apartment and courtyard now, so while he may not have had the brightest of beginnings, he's in for a great life being adored by his Phamly.

I’ve missed having a kitty in The Phamly. And now we have two! I’ll tell you about Sprite, Big Brother Pham’s cat, another time. Her origin story is a little sad too.

Mondays used to be a struggle because there is the weekend comedown, and getting back into the work routine with general tiredness and not enough sleep. Mondays were the pits until Groove Therapy came along, and with it the spirited, positive vibes of Wanida Serce.

I've been going to Groove Therapy every week since it launched in Brisbane earlier this year (except for my Europe holiday). Each week Wanida, without fail, brings bright and bubbly energy to class even when she's nursing an injury or cold. Her teaching style lifts my mood, and gives me something to look forward to on Mondays (I know, unheard of). Not only that, my dance floor moves have improved - I even had a somewhat drunk colleague tell me "I want to dance like Jade!" repeatedly at this year's Office Xmas party. If you want to dance like Jade, come to Groove Therapy. GT makes dancing fun!

I wanted to give Wanida an end-of-year thank you, Xmas gift that would show her how much I appreciate her - something that she could use. She's always wearing rad sneakers to class so I got her a pair of pink New Balance 247 kicks because dancers always need good shoes, and pink because she runs the empowering Pink Matter girl gang. See? So many positive vibes. I insta-stalked her pics to make sure she didn't have sneakers similar to this already, and then got her shoe size from a stylist at work but it seemed wrong 'cause we're meant to be the same shoes size but I swear her feet look smaller. Cue me standing awkwardly next to her after class to compare our feet, and they were definitely a bit smaller. So then I insta-stalked her boyfriend, found his email, and asked him to confirm her size. She's a half size smaller than me, but can wear 7s when there aren't 6.5s. Huzzah!

Alas, Wanida had rehearsals the night of our the last Groove Therapy class so I had to pass on her gift to her fill-in teacher and friend. Wanida messaged me soon as she opened her gift, and she was super stoked so YAY to Other People's Happiness! Couldn't think of anyone more deserving. She has honestly perked me up this year, helped me feel empowered and gotten my mind off some personal issues because I'm not moping about at home at the start of each week.

The aptly named Groove Therapy classes start up this Monday 8th January, 2018 in Brisbane & the Gold Coast (her boy Benny Garcia teaches GC), Tuesdays in Sydney, and Wednesdays in Melbourne. See y'all in class!