• Home
  • About
  • Phamly Life
  • Real Life
  • Other People's Happiness
  • Upgrade U
  • The Phamly
    • Mum Pham
    • Dad Pham
    • Little Sissy Pham
    • Big Brother Pham
    • Boyfriend Pham
    • Baby Pham
    • Pham Pets
instagram twitter facebook Email

KEEP IT IN THE PHAMLY


Aunty Van is Dad Pham’s late sister. I wish we’d had the chance to reunite because she loved us dearly when we were tiny tots. I think she'd be happy to see us all grown up. She used to play tug-of-war with Mum Pham and Aunty 9 back in the day. Aunty Van happened to live in the same building as Aunty 9 but a few levels higher. So Mum Pham would come to visit her sister on the lower level, then Dad Pham would visit his sister on the upper level. Mum would go up and get us from Aunty Van's house, then a little while later Aunty Van would send her daughters down to retrieve us, then Mum would go back up and get us.


Aunty Van bathed us every week as kids. I always thought that a little strange but never questioned it. It wasn't until we went to our old house we learned that when our Phamly first moved in there was no heated water so mum used to have to boil water on the stove to bathe us. But it was difficult with three young kids so we bathed at our aunties house. Later heating and hot water were installed but Dad was tight with the moneys - he was still saving and sending money back home - so we all had coughs and colds when we were tiny tots. Brisbane would have been such a stark change from the German weather.

Aunty Van's kids include the Long Lost German Cousin (Anh D) who I connected with on Facebook a couple of years back. Yes! We finally got to meet him and hug him and learn about his time with The Phamly in Germany. Anh D and his sisters Chi N & Chi G all took time off work to come and meet us in our hometown because they are living legends. He brought his whole family along too so we got to see how his life turned out.

Our cousins took us back to our old apartment near the town centre. While we were hovering outside the main door, a lady entered the building and after our cousins explained that we were visiting from the other side of the world and used to live here, she kindly let us in to have a look around. I made Little Sissy Pham pose at the base of the stairs she tumbled down as a kid - Mum loved that story. She put Little Sissy down while she locked the door, next minute she turns around and her 2 year old is rolling down the stairs - Mum has a panic attack of course but Little Sissy just stands up like nothing has happened ‘cause she’s all rugged up in so many winter layers.

I wish Big Brother Pham could have come with us - maybe for the next trip over. He is four years older than me and old enough to remember Germany and our cousins. Anh D told us how hectic Big Bro used to be as a kid - always hyper and running around and jumping on sofas and beds. He used to drive Anh D's dad insane because his dad was super strict and children were to be seen, not heard. Whereas Mum & Dad Pham let us run amok our whole lives, only guiding us if we ever went food far but really it's their fault I have such an independent and stubborn streak - no rules for me! Hopefully Anh D comes to Australia once his kids are older and we can show him the same hospitality.



- THE END -

EUROPE TRAVEL SERIES


Phamly Reunion

  • Back in Germany
  • Aunty 9's Kids
  • Aunty 9
  • Aunty 6's Kids
  • Mum's Passing
  • Aunty Van's Kids
  • Both sides of The Phamly
  • What if...
Europe 2017

  • Tinder in Europe vs. Australia
  • Paris
  • Barcelona
  • Marseille & Nice
  • Monaco & the French Riviera
  • Italy
  • Geneva
  • Berlin
  • Prague












Share
Tweet
No comments

Dad Pham & Mum Pham lived in Germany for 11 years. Dad Pham remembers it fondly, but he also says it was the most stressful time of his life. You'd think being in the navy during the Vietnam War or being a prisoner in a communist reeducation camp would be more stressful. But no, setting up a regular life in Germany was the toughest time in his life.

Regular life as a refugee is stressful though. Dad was caring for family members scattered between refugee camps and back home in a war-ravaged country. When he fled Vietnam, he carried the clothes on his back and the fate of his family with him. I can’t imagine how heavy the pressure must have been to a) not drown at sea b) find somewhere to call home c) make a new life starting with nothing.

Dad Pham worked his behind off to strategically get family members out of Vietnam, and also support them because the country wasn’t in a good way economically or socially. The stress probably contributed to his many hospitalisations for schizophrenic episodes in Germany. Worrying about things that are out of his control is a trigger because his brain can’t switch off, which is why he's so chilled out now because the Phamly is settled and well in Australia.

Dad still loves his time in Germany though because the country’s generosity made our Phamly possible. They took Mum & Dad in, they set them up with housing and education, generously donated clothing and food, and the locals welcomed them into the community. If they hadn't taken in my refugee parents, my folks never would have met and I wouldn't exist so thank you, Germany. I owe you my life, and I love you. I cannot wait to see you again soon!

Little Sissy Pham and I are adventuring in Europe at the moment. Currently in Geneva then heading to our birth town for a Phamly reunion 3 decades after we left! I'm pretty excited to see where life took the family members my Dad helped. I will write about our visit when I get back home to Oz!



- THE END -

If you want to start from the beginning of Phamly history, read:
Part 1 - O Captain! My Captain! Dad Pham's navy days during the Vietnam War.
Part 2 - P.O.W. Viet Cong Re-education Camp Dad Pham's time as a prisoner of war.
Part 3 - Living with Viet Cong Mum Pham's experience with communism.
Part 4 - Boat People Dad Pham seeks refuge after the war.
Part 5 - Finding Faith Dad finds peace.
Part 6 - When Herr met Frau - Dad Pham meets Mum Pham.
Part 7 - Life in Germany: the early years - Dad Pham sets up life in Germany.
Part 8 - Life in Germany: the later years - Dad gets sick, Mum steps up.
Part 9 - Getting ready for Australia - Mum Pham is on a mission.
Part 10 - Coming to Australia - My first memories of Australia.
Part 11 - Live in Brisbane the first time - The story of why we left Brisbane.
Part 12 - Moving to Melbourne - First impressions.
Part 13 - Life in Melbourne - Dad Pham - The good old days.
Part 14 - The Other Phams - Our neighbours in Melbourne were Phams too.
Part 15 - Life in Melbourne - Mum Pham - Our Sunday Phamly traditions began in Melbourne.
Part 16 - Cats On A Train - Moving to Brisbane
Part 17 - Sleepwalking Scare - Moving to Brisbane continued
Part 18 - A House in Brisbane - Moving to Brisbane continued some more
Share
Tweet
No comments

Mum Pham lived in the kitchen. The woman spent most of her life there, and when we lived in council flats she spent her days and nights in a cluttered, tiny kitchen nook staring at a stained cream turned yellow wall with one jammed window behind her to the side when she was at the stove. I was a pretty vague, ignorant and naive kid for the most part, but even my little mind knew I wanted something better for mum.

I always wanted to buy her a house with a beautiful view from the kitchen overlooking a giant garden where she’d plant all her favourite things. Life didn’t turn out that way - she’s passed now, and I don’t even know if I’ll ever be a homeowner the way prices are going. Mum loved the house Dad Pham bought when they moved to Brisbane. Sure, it’s in a suburb where Struggle Street was filmed and her kitchen overlooked a car port, the neighbour’s house and part of the street but it was a dream compared to the flat.

I have to be content that she was happy in this kitchen where all us Phamlings still gather every weekend for a Phamly feast. I try to make it a home cooked meal with Dad every week, but every now and then when I don’t have time during the day to grocery shop and prep food with Dad, we have take out. But it’s always take out together. Very rarely do we skip a week because everyone’s schedules won’t work or some of us are sick. Even then, one of the siblings will visit Dad or have him over for dinner.

Phamly dinner is a way for me to honour and remember Mum, so even though some weekends I wish I could just stay home and enjoy a lazy day, especially if I’ve had a big Saturday, I still drag my sorry butt to Inala to make Phamly dinner happen. It’s usually a Vietnamese dish. Now that I’m vegetarian, I prep the food with Dad then he cooks the meat version and I cook the vegetarian version for me and Eldest Niece. Prepping Phamly dinner is also when I get most of my quotable Dad quotes because we chat while we cook.

Then come dinner time, Little Sissy Pham rocks up to set the dinner table, and finish prep for the calm before the storm. When Big Brother Pham, his mini-me’s and wife rock up, it turns into a feeding frenzy while we all talk over each other at the table in English and Vietnamese conversations. Dad doesn’t understand us when we speak English too quickly so he doesn’t wait for an appropriate break in conversation, he’ll just start a new thread in Vietnamese whenever he damn well pleases. And I wouldn’t have it any other way because Mum used to do that too.

Share
Tweet
No comments

I never knew why Mum & Dad called each other Herr and Frau until I reconnected with my Long Lost German Cousin recently. I have always known the story of how they met though - Dad told us when we were younger, and the story has come up a lot more in recent years around Mother's Day. I like to call it When Herr met Frau:

Dad Pham met Mum Pham one day at work. They were definitely not an obvious match. They were, in fact, the complete opposite in most ways. Dad is a cheeky bugger who attracts lots of friends, but also rubs them the wrong way because he has no filter. Mum Pham was gentle and loving; a natural peacemaker who kept the friends Dad made.

When it came to dating, Mum Pham was a shy wallflower. She didn't actually date, partly because of the times, and partly because her family was super strict. Mum's dating history consisted of one man she had a crush on in university. It never went beyond flirtation because a stern talking to from her older brother put an end to it.  There was also a high-ranking military officer who became infatuated with her after seeing her at Grandad's factory. They crossed paths when he came to Grandad's factory to mass order beds for the army. He often visited even though Mum would avoid him and he'd just talk with Grandad. He eventually asked Grandad for mum's hand but she wasn't interested, and neither was Grandad. Those two men were the only men before Dad Pham. Mum focused on her studies like she was told - no boys allowed, and the future war meant her studies and avoiding boys was all for nought.

Dad Pham, on the other hand, was a total ladies man. He was and is charming and flirtatious, and all the ladies love him. He was a wild child as a kid then teen. Joining the navy meant he was always being deployed, and didn't know if he'd live to come home do Dad never had a relationship - he had flings. Though, I do know he loved one woman back in Vietnam but nothing ever eventuated because he fled the country and she stayed behind, then there was a woman in Singapore that Mum was always a little jealous of, but Dad knew it wouldn't be forever because he was only there temporarily as a refugee waiting to fly to Germany. I don't know how many women he's dated - he drops sly hints every now and then about how popular he is - but those were the two he loved before Mum Pham.

As Dad tells it, he was ready to settle down when he got to Germany because, even though his whole life had been uprooted and shaken every which way by the war and aftermath, his new country was where his life was stable. In Germany, Dad became an official translator for Vietnamese refugees because he's a quick study in anything he applies himself to including languages. He would help people with their documentation and get them oriented in their new home.

Dad Pham met Mum Pham this way. He knew he would marry her almost instantly. He was taking her for a tour around town, when a local German man dropped his wallet on a busy street and no one noticed. Mum Pham snatched it up and raced after him to give it back. Dad decided then that he would make Mum his wife. She didn't have anything but the clothes on her back yet she didn't think twice about returning a wallet full of cash to its rightful owner. Basically, us Phamlings are lucky Mum Pham isn't a selfish jerk, otherwise we wouldn't exist. That would be tragic, no?



- THE END -

If you want to start from the beginning of Phamly history, read:
Part 1 - O Captain! My Captain! Dad Pham's navy days during the Vietnam War.
Part 2 - P.O.W. Viet Cong Re-education Camp Dad Pham's time as a prisoner of war.
Part 3 - Living with Viet Cong Mum Pham's experience with communism.
Part 4 - Boat People Dad Pham seeks refuge after the war.
Part 5 - Finding Faith Dad finds peace.
Part 6 - When Herr met Frau - Dad Pham meets Mum Pham.
Part 7 - Life in Germany: the early years - Dad Pham sets up life in Germany.
Part 8 - Life in Germany: the later years - Dad gets sick, Mum steps up.
Part 9 - Getting ready for Australia - Mum Pham is on a mission.
Part 10 - Coming to Australia - My first memories of Australia.
Part 11 - Live in Brisbane the first time - The story of why we left Brisbane.
Part 12 - Moving to Melbourne - First impressions.
Part 13 - Life in Melbourne - Dad Pham - The good old days.
Part 14 - The Other Phams - Our neighbours in Melbourne were Phams too.
Part 15 - Life in Melbourne - Mum Pham - Our Sunday Phamly traditions began in Melbourne.
Part 16 - Cats On A Train - Moving to Brisbane
Part 17 - Sleepwalking Scare - Moving to Brisbane continued
Part 18 - A House in Brisbane - Moving to Brisbane continued some more
Share
Tweet
No comments

Dad Pham is the most zen and neutral person in my life thanks to Buddhism. When I was younger, I mistook it for him not caring. Now I know better. He lets us lead our own lives, only nudging us a little in the right direction if we stray too far. Dad wasn't always religious. Actually, he was the naughtiest kid in his Phamly and constantly copped beatings (don't panic, this was the norm for his generation) when he was little and not so little, but that didn't stop him from being a cheeky monkey. He was a bit of a wild child, and ended up in the navy because a regular job and life would bore him.

The horrors of war and prison camp splintered Dad's mind. He wasn't raised with structured religion and he wasn't born a schizophrenic. It was brought on by PTSD and he had many, many bad episodes in Germany when my Long Lost German Cousin was living with him and Mum Pham - though judging by our photo albums of his time in German, he looked mighty fine doing it. My dad is the coolest. To focus his thoughts, Dad Pham read a lot about many religions including Buddhism. To this day, he can talk circles around the Mormons that used to visit his house until they gave up trying to convert him. Dad Pham found Buddhism resonated with his personal beliefs best, and made sense of his challenging life so he became a devout follower.

It wasn't smooth sailing from the beginning. Being severely ill, I remember schizophrenic episodes where Dad Pham thought he was so close to God and to get to the final stage, he had to cleanse his body by drinking insane amounts of water. He was right - that would have been the last step to meeting God, because that's also when we learned you can drown yourself drinking water. Dad ended up unconscious and rushed to hospital where the doctors saved his life. This was the last major episode I remember.

Dad's mind still races with a hundred thoughts a second, Buddhism hasn't calmed his schizophrenia in that sense. But its philosophies have helped him find peace with mankind, and the atrocities he witnessed and took part in the war. I believe a combination of time, distance, and Buddhism has helped him find a good place.

In the next episode, I'll tell you about how Dad Pham knew Mum Pham was the woman for him.

- THE END -

If you want to start from the beginning of Phamly history, read:
Part 1 - O Captain! My Captain! Dad Pham's navy days during the Vietnam War.
Part 2 - P.O.W. Viet Cong Re-education Camp Dad Pham's time as a prisoner of war.
Part 3 - Living with Viet Cong Mum Pham's experience with communism.
Part 4 - Boat People Dad Pham seeks refuge after the war.
Part 5 - Finding Faith Dad finds peace.
Part 6 - When Herr met Frau - Dad Pham meets Mum Pham.
Part 7 - Life in Germany: the early years - Dad Pham sets up life in Germany.
Part 8 - Life in Germany: the later years - Dad gets sick, Mum steps up.
Part 9 - Getting ready for Australia - Mum Pham is on a mission.
Part 10 - Coming to Australia - My first memories of Australia.
Part 11 - Live in Brisbane the first time - The story of why we left Brisbane.
Part 12 - Moving to Melbourne - First impressions.
Part 13 - Life in Melbourne - Dad Pham - The good old days.
Part 14 - The Other Phams - Our neighbours in Melbourne were Phams too.
Share
Tweet
No comments

If you haven't already, read Part 1 of German Cousin's interview so you know my cousin's background and how he came to be so close to my parents and was able to send me Phamly photos I've never seen before. Above is baby me with Big Brother Pham and German Cousin. Below is Little Sissy Pham with German Cousin's brother.

Where did you live with my parents? 
When I joined Dad Pham, it was the time your parents prepared for their wedding. We were all living in cậu Mười’s (Uncle 10's) Flat in Giessen. The wedding took place in the City Hall of Giessen. After then, we moved to a new 2-bed-room flat in Giessen West (Check Google Maps for “Krofdorferstr. 176, 35398 Gießen”). Your dad gave up the translator job and started occupational retraining as service engineer for electronics. Your mom started her internship as a pharmacist. Things went well until Dad Pham had his very first schizophrenic episode. He began to drink and got frightened of Viet Cong spies, who followed him.

What do you remember about my mother? What was she like as a person when you knew her?
Your mother got pregnant during this time. It was quite hard time for her, I guess. Busy with the new job, being pregnant, taking care of her sick husband (and his lazy nephew). But I never heard one single complaint from her. She was a person who prefers to give more and take less. She was not needy nor demanding at all.

Were you living with them when Mum was pregnant with my brother? If so, was she a happy pregnant lady? She always made out like pregnancy and childbirth were so easy but I think she didn't want to scare me or my sister. 
I was living with your parents when your mom was pregnant with Big Brother Pham. And I kept living with them when she was pregnant with you and your sister. Actually, I stayed with you all the time until you left Germany for Australia. Even when my parents came to Germany, I decided to stay with Dad Pham and mom. My parents' flat was too small for the whole family. The other reason was Dad Pham. Living with him is very easy. And I was not willing to give up the big freedom (and I’m sure you know it quite well).

After Big Brother Pham was born, we moved to another flat, located in the city center of Giessen (Check Google Maps for “Marktlaubenstr. 5, 35390 Gießen”). The new flat with 3 bed-rooms is old but the location was more convenient and the rent was cheaper. You and Little Sissy Pham were born. The flat had one more room which was unused. So, your dad and mom rented it to anh Thịnh, a young Vietnamese goldsmith working for a jeweller in Marburg (a town near Gießen). Coming back to your questions about your mom and her pregnancy: The births of you all were easy. I think at Big Brother Pham's birth, Dad Pham was still in his first episode. So, your mom went alone to the hospital and gave birth to him on her own. I think your mom is a happy lady, optimistic in all life situations. At least she always showed herself as such.

What do you remember of my father? His worst schizophrenic episodes happened in Germany - were you still living with them when it began? 
For me, the worst schizophrenic episode was the very first one. Maybe, because it came suddenly and we weren’t prepared for it. In this episode, he drank a lot whiskey mixed with Coke (people say that this is a dangerous mix) and was not approachable. Mom couldn’t convince him to go to hospital. At the end, she had to call the police who took him (he was shouting and fighting) with them. The following episodes were not as scary as the first one. Later, Dad Pham came to understand that he needed medical care in such situation. How is the situation now after mom’s death? Does dad still recognize the paranoid periods when they are coming? If not, are you able convince him to go to the hospital?

Dad doesn't have bad episodes anymore! The last time was when I was in university back in 2014 - he woke me up in the middle of the night to drive him to the emergency ward of a hospital because he'd been poisoned by the Viet Cong. He lives with the constant delusion that anything bad is caused by the Viet Cong - he's convinced the aches and pains of a normal, aging body are because of the VC. It's hard to convince him to get medical treatment sometimes for his diabetes and such because he doesn't trust general doctors - he thinks they're working with the communists. But his schizophrenia is very manageable now. 

I moved back from Melbourne to Brisbane to live with him after Mum passed and settle him into a new routine, but he had no issues at all. If anything, Little Sissy Pham and I needed more comforting than Dad did.


Share
Tweet
No comments

Remember that German cousin who I didn't know the name of way back 'In Loving Memory of Mum Pham' (which turns out he took those photos of us that Mum loved so much when he was learning photography)? I never fully understood why he was in a bunch of our Phamly photos in Germany. Until now. We recently connected over Facebook (I know, using FB for something other than memes and cat videos - crazy), and I asked if he was up for being the first person I've ever interviewed for my blog. He accepted and proceeded to make me cry like a baby learning things I never knew about my cousin nor my parents.

Where did you grow up in Vietnam? Do you miss it?
I was born and grew up in Saigon. My family had a big house in the Bình Thạnh District. I still remember a lot of things. However, I don’t miss it much. I have been too long away. The city has changed a lot. My people, my family have changed since then. One thing I have learnt: The only persistency in life are changes. 😊

Were you close to my Dad back in Vietnam?
As your dad lived in Nha Trang, we were not as close to each other. Actually, we didn’t have as much contact. The last time he came to visit my family in Saigon were 1975, short before the takeover of the southern Vietnamese capital by the Communists. Dad Pham fled from Nha Trang after his city was taken-over by the Vietcong. The south Vietnamese army was broken. He came with a gun in his jacket and told us, some people on the street tried to rob him. He smiled at them, showed the gun and asked if they wanted some bullets. The robbers fled.

Do you remember the war and the Viet Cong?
I didn’t remember much about the war and the Viet Cong. What I remember quite well was the time after the takeover: troubles with the Viet Cong authority, the hunger, ridiculous things we were forced to do, etc.

How did you end up in Germany with my parents? How did you feel when you learned your parents were sending you over first?
My parents’ plan was actually not to send me abroad first. The plan was that I left my family forever. No one knew at that time that things would turn out the way they have. We didn’t know about the German program for family reunion. We didn’t know that the Vietnamese government would allow my family later to leave Vietnam legally. So, you may imagine how I felt when my parents asked me whether or not I wanted to take the chance. The decision to leave was not easy for me.

“Legally crossing the border” was the common term used in Vietnam in the time period when Vietnamese people of Chinese origin were hassled and forced to leave Vietnam. They were allowed to “escape” the country on boats after paying a huge amount of money to the government and, of course, also to some corrupted people working in the government. A colleague and friend of my father (I called him chú Kiêng) changed his name to smuggle his family to the list of the permitted Chinese. He took me with his family (my family name was also changed to Quách) and we escaped Vietnam that way. Some others like your Dad did it illegally by leaving the country by boat without permission. I guess he was picked up by a German ship and came to Germany in around 1978.

I’m not sure how long it really took. We were placed on the bottom of the boat near by the motor which ran all the time (when it was not broken down). There was no daylight. It was dark, loud, and sticky. I think it was roughly a week or so until we arrived in Malaysia. We got robbed by Thai fishers twice. The Malaysian marine didn’t allow us to enter their territory. So, they towed our boat to Indonesia. Upon arriving in the first refugee camp on a small island of Indonesia called Araya, I contacted Dad Pham by sending him a short letter. I still remember how happy I was when I held his reply letter in my hand after some months. And I was even happier when I opened it and found an entrance clearance for Germany and a 100-Dollar banknote in there.

With the 100 Dollars in my pocket, I left chú Kiêng’s family to go to another camp for Germany. I guess, with this decision I caused a lot of trouble to chú Kiêng, since he had been declaring me as his own son in his application for the U.S. He was about to get the entrance clearance for U.S.A. after being interviewed by the US delegation. Now, chú Kiêng had to explain why his son has left him for Germany. I was really sorry for this. But I think it was the right decision.

From then on, I really travel on my own. I needed to find another refugee camp, which organised flights to destination countries for refugees with such a document Dad Pham sent to me. I visited 3 other camps (Galang, Pynang, Jakarta) before arriving in Germany in January 1980.


When did your family come over to Germany? What was your reunion like?
My family came to Germany 3 years later. I still remember how happy I was. I couldn’t sleep the night before their arrival. For me, it was kind of wonder since I never thought we would see each other again when I left Vietnam. Dad Pham had a big contribution to our family reunion. He took care of my application and the administrative things. He helped me to send money and “survival” packets to my family. Life wasn’t easy under the Viet Cong regime. And my parents had to feed 9 hungry mouths (my 6 siblings and the other 3 cousins living in the same house). Without support from abroad, they would not be able to do so.

Sometimes, I wonder what life would have been like if Mum & Dad had stayed in Germany. Do you ever wonder what life would have been like if you had stayed in Vietnam?
It’s very interesting. Very often, I ask myself the same questions. What would have been if I decided not to leave my family and stayed in Vietnam. Or, what would happen if Dad Pham didn’t send his letter and the entrance paper? I would come with chú Kiêng’s family to the US. But what would happen with my parents?

One thing is for sure: If Mom and Dad stayed in Germany, you would speak German very well and would know me better. And Dad and Mom would still say “Herr” (Mr.) and “Frau” (Mrs.) to each other J. Actually, how did they call each other in Australian? Did they tell you the anecdote about “Herr” and “Frau” instead of “Anh” and “Em” like other Vietnamese couples always do? Mom Pham told me once that Dad called her “Chị” the first time they met. Dad Pham meant it with respect. Mom took it like dad is too young for her and called him “Em”. After the marriage, they agreed to be “neutral” by using the German words for Mr. and Mrs. when talking to each other.

====

Here ends the first part of the interview. The rest will come in Part 2.

FYI - Mum & Dad Pham continued to call each other Herr and Frau to the end of their time together. I never knew the origin of their German nicknames for each other.
Share
Tweet
No comments

It's one of life's great jokes that Dad Pham can steer a rickety ship loaded with desperate refugees into open ocean, yet he can't drive a car in Australia. I'd always known my parents were Vietnam War refugees, but I only learned in recent years that Dad Pham was the one sailing the boat out to sea. I mean, he is a retired navy captain - it makes sense now that I know but it never crossed my mind until he volunteered the story. Like with all Dad facts, it was randomly and matter-of-factly dropped into the middle of a conversation about a beach trip.

Last Sunday I asked him if he was scared when he was on the boat. He answered, "No. I accepted my death before I left the shore. That's why so many people stayed behind - they couldn't face death. I knew I'd rather die at sea than live with the Viet Cong." I can't imagine being so desperate that I'd risk death for a small chance at a better life.

Soon after Dad was released from the 're-education camp,' he was approached by people who had a boat but no one to drive it. They promised him money in exchange for his help, but they and Dad knew they couldn't afford to pay him. Being a former prisoner of war, Dad and anyone he associated with would be persecuted if he stayed. He made the tough decision to leave his family and friends behind.

Dad couldn't tell many people he planned to leave because whispers of fleeing could lead to persecution or execution. He did tell the woman he was in love with. She was a secret love not even her brothers knew about. He asked her to come with him but she didn't want to leave her parents behind. They reconnected over email recently and Dad doesn't know how to use email so I was his go-between, which is the only reason I learned about her. She's now a successful chef at a Western hotel in Vietnam.

When the time came to go, Dad snuck a rickety fishing boat filled to the brim with refugees out into the ocean. He knew the busy thoroughfare in open ocean beyond Vietnam's borders where commercial ships traveled and that's where he navigated towards. They risked pirates, drowning, dehydration, starvation along the way; and when they reached their destination they risked abandonment as dozens of ships avoided the refugee boats for political, economical, social, whatever reasons. Dad always says his trip was blessed by God because of the many moments things could have gone bad but didn't. I knew kids in school who weren't so lucky - one witnessed his father's decapitation by pirates so I don't get mad that he went on to hurt me in primary school. Hurt people hurt others - it's a sad life cycle I refuse to perpetuate.

When they reached the thoroughfare, Dad Pham watched dozens of ships ignore their pleas for help. Finally, he made the men on the boat take down the cloth shades that provided some protection from the sun to reveal the people aboard the boat. His idea worked. Showing the passing ships that his boat carried mainly women and children is the reason a German commercial ship stopped to rescue them.

The photo is of Dad in Singapore where the German ship took all the refugees from Dad's boat while they waited to be processed as refugees and flown to Europe. I'll tell you about his journey from Singapore to Germany in the next episode, and how he found faith after witnessing the worst in humanity.


- THE END -

If you want to start from the beginning of Phamly history, read:
Part 1 - O Captain! My Captain! Dad Pham's navy days during the Vietnam War.
Part 2 - P.O.W. Viet Cong Re-education Camp Dad Pham's time as a prisoner of war.
Part 3 - Living with Viet Cong Mum Pham's experience with communism.
Part 4 - Boat People Dad Pham seeks refuge after the war.
Part 5 - Finding Faith Dad finds peace.
Part 6 - When Herr met Frau - Dad Pham meets Mum Pham.
Part 7 - Life in Germany: the early years - Dad Pham sets up life in Germany.
Part 8 - Life in Germany: the later years - Dad gets sick, Mum steps up.
Part 9 - Getting ready for Australia - Mum Pham is on a mission.
Part 10 - Coming to Australia - My first memories of Australia.
Part 11 - Live in Brisbane the first time - The story of why we left Brisbane.
Part 12 - Moving to Melbourne - First impressions.
Part 13 - Life in Melbourne - Dad Pham - The good old days.
Part 14 - The Other Phams - Our neighbours in Melbourne were Phams too.
Part 15 - Life in Melbourne - Mum Pham - Our Sunday Phamly traditions began in Melbourne.
Part 16 - Cats On A Train - Moving to Brisbane
Part 17 - Sleepwalking Scare - Moving to Brisbane continued
Part 18 - A House in Brisbane - Moving to Brisbane continued some more
Share
Tweet
2 comments

One of the many things I wished I'd done before Mum Pham passed away was talk to her in detail about her life. The things I know are pieced together from lots of little stories she shared. I never once sat down and learned her story in full. I know she grew up in Saigon, and that Grandma passed away when Mum was young so she was raised by her 8 older sisters and older brother. And, of course, Grandpa.

Grandpa came from China. When the Vietnam War broke out in 1962 and the Viet Cong began to gain ground heading south, Grandpa told his children that if the communists win, they had to flee. But Grandpa didn't live to see the end of the war and my Aunts and Uncle did not heed his warning when the time to flee came in 1975. As Saigon fell, my mother and her siblings made the mistake of not running like so many thousands did.

While Dad Pham was losing his sanity in a re-education camp, Mum's family stayed and learned first-hand why Grandpa had wanted them to escape. In its own way, things worked out - if Mum had fled when her dad told her to, Dad Pham would still be wasting away in prison and wouldn't have been in Germany to meet her as a translator and The Phamly would not exist. Life's funny like that.

Mum Pham never went into detail with her stories of the Viet Cong, but what she did share is that people lived in fear of the regime and those who spoke out against the communist government were killed, put in prison or disappeared. The Viet Cong could simply take, harass or intimidate people into handing over property - real estate, personal belongings, anything they desired because in communism, things don't belong to you, they belong to the community (so long as you are Viet Cong). That's why Mum Pham's siblings hid their jewellery, and eventually the diamonds in my Phamly ring were smuggled out of Vietnam and remade into a ring Germany.

I still own a few of the sleeveless tops that Viet Cong soldiers harassed mum for wearing. Apparently, they they were too revealing (see photo for said tops). As Mum tells it, Aunty Nine told the soldiers off for picking on a bunch of girls, while Mum held her breath waiting to be punished but instead the soldiers let them go with a warning. That night mum and her sisters sewed cap sleeves onto their sleeveless tops. I remember these tops from when I was a kid - Mum no longer wore them, but she'd kept them through her journey from Vietnam to Germany and then Australia. They must have meant something to her - I wished I'd asked what that something was.

Looking back, it seems silly to think ugly, mismatched sleeve caps was the fashion in Vietnam. I didn't learn til I was a teen that they happened because the Viet Cong officials could tell people what to do, how to live, where to live... the freedom fighters turned out to be dictators. Saigon fell in 1975. Years later Mum Pham would flee Vietnam and meet a handsome fellow I call Dad in 1979, but that's a story I'll piece together another day.


- THE END -

If you want to start from the beginning of Phamly history, read:
Part 1 - O Captain! My Captain! Dad Pham's navy days during the Vietnam War.
Part 2 - P.O.W. Viet Cong Re-education Camp Dad Pham's time as a prisoner of war.
Part 3 - Living with Viet Cong Mum Pham's experience with communism.
Part 4 - Boat People Dad Pham seeks refuge after the war.
Part 5 - Finding Faith Dad finds peace.
Part 6 - When Herr met Frau - Dad Pham meets Mum Pham.
Part 7 - Life in Germany: the early years - Dad Pham sets up life in Germany.
Part 8 - Life in Germany: the later years - Dad gets sick, Mum steps up.
Part 9 - Getting ready for Australia - Mum Pham is on a mission.
Part 10 - Coming to Australia - My first memories of Australia.
Part 11 - Live in Brisbane the first time - The story of why we left Brisbane.
Part 12 - Moving to Melbourne - First impressions.
Part 13 - Life in Melbourne - Dad Pham - The good old days.
Part 14 - The Other Phams - Our neighbours in Melbourne were Phams too.
Part 15 - Life in Melbourne - Mum Pham - Our Sunday Phamly traditions began in Melbourne.
Part 16 - Cats On A Train - Moving to Brisbane
Part 17 - Sleepwalking Scare - Moving to Brisbane continued
Part 18 - A House in Brisbane - Moving to Brisbane continued some more
Share
Tweet
No comments
26/04/16 - Update on the Uncle Ho to Uncle Bia Hoi to Aunty Oh issue 

[Edit 11/05/16 - The restaurant set their Facebook to private so you can't see my review. It was 1-star and said something along the lines of: "Cultural appropriation served with a side of casual racism. Recommend heading to Red Lotus in Fortitude Valley if you want a tasteful and tasty Vietnamese dining experience."]

I held out until now, hoping this update would be about the business offering an apology for causing offense, and working with the local Vietnamese Community moving forward with their rebrand. Instead, these are my updates:
Share
Tweet
5 comments

Dad Pham fought against the Viet Cong during the Vietnam War because they were the enemy of the Vietnam Navy (VNN). He didn't truly know Ho Chi Minh's communist regime until the VNN were defeated and he was put in a 'Reeducation Camp' (aka prison camp). It's estimated 1 million people were thrown into the prison camps without trial or process. Prison camp was revenge and punishment for being on the losing side. It was inside the prison camp where Dad Pham learned what the Viet Cong really stood for - cruelty, torture, murder and greed. He learned firsthand the hypocrisy and injustices of their policies and the corruption of the officials that carried out those policies. It's also when Dad realised he couldn't live in Vietnam under their rule if he ever got out of prison.
Share
Tweet
No comments

Dad Pham thinks his children are wusses who can't handle the tough life because we were spoiled by Australia's cushy lifestyle. He's right. But he wouldn't have it any other way. He and Mum Pham sacrificed a lot so we could live this sweet, blessed life where we're more likely to be killed by eating too much and exercising too little than malnutrition and labourious jobs.
Share
Tweet
No comments

It was mental health week recently. It reminded me I’ve been meaning to write this post for maybe a year now but I’ve never quite figured out what to tell and where to start. So I guess I’ll start where Mum Pham learned that Dad Pham was suffering from mental illness.
Share
Tweet
No comments
It's Dad Pham's 67th birthday today. To celebrate, he's going to dinner at his little brother's house and NO KIDS ALLOWED. The only time I'm ever a young 'un is in context with Dad Pham.

While the only time Dad Pham is treated like a kid is by his older sister, who babies him to this day. It's funny to watch because he's my dad and also because it's how I treat Big Brother Pham. Our Aunty sometimes comes over with pre-cooked meals for Dad to heat up when he's good and ready to eat. Then when we visit, she makes Little Sissy Pham, me and Dad sit in a row at her kitchen bench so she can fill her nieces and little brother with ice cream, before sending Dad Pham home with more food.

Age really is relative. Dad Pham was telling me this morning that some people call him 'bac' (respectful term for older man in Vietnamese) even though he's younger than them because he gives sage advice...and maybe because of his big, bald Buddhist head. Yet some people call him 'anh' as in big brother when he's 40 years their senior because he still likes to joke around - and he's not into 'dad jokes' either, he's got the sense of humour of a cocky youth.

Mum Pham once asked me in an incredulous and serious voice, with hands on hip and puzzled head tilted to one side, 'Why are you so funny?' I said at the time that I was obviously adopted or an alien from outer space, but now I see I get my cheeky, irreverent streak from Dad.

Well, Dad Pham, I hope you're having a fun 67th birthday with your siblings and I expect you home before midnight or I'm grounding you for a week.
Share
Tweet
No comments
I've known Dad Pham my whole life. Or so I thought. Things have been a little different for me living at home this time around. Mum Pham used to rule the roost so I'm only just discovering some of his quirks now.

Dad Pham can cook as well as Mum Pham but he is super lazy so never used to do it. These days,  he cooks dinner during the week. He makes simple dishes because he wants to get the cooking over with and sometimes this means he makes dinner in the morning.

It stresses Dad Pham out to pick a dish for dinner because he doesn't get food cravings so never knows what to cook. These days I plan our meals.
Dad Pham wants me to argue with him every now and then, but not too much. I guess because he and Mum Pham used to argue over little things. So I do it even though I think his way of doing things is just fine.

I go for walks with Dad Pham every night after dinner. His walking route, which he also does every morning, is limited to pacing back and forth outside on the footpath between 7 houses because a few houses to our right is a dog that likes to bark (Dad doesn't want to disturb the neighbours) and a few houses to our left is an over friendly neighbour who invites Dad Pham into his home every time he sees him (Dad doesn't want to be disturbed by neighbours).

Dad Pham is so buddhist, he thinks of farting and burping as 'getting rid of negative energy.'
Share
Tweet
2 comments
Newer Posts
Older Posts

Looking for something?

Pinned post

IVF hormone injections and symptoms

Popular Posts this week

  • Upgrade U: disco New Balance runners
  • Paris (Europe 2017)
  • Upgrade U: my new Baby-G
  • Clearwipe Lens Cleaners
  • Proactiv versus Skin Clarity

The Phamly

  • Big Brother Pham (11)
  • Boyfriend Pham (17)
  • Dad Pham (41)
  • Little Sissy Pham (18)
  • Mum Pham (39)
  • Pham Pets (9)

Be Social

  • instagram
  • twitter
  • facebook

The Archives

  • ►  2011 (62)
    • ►  May 2011 (5)
    • ►  June 2011 (14)
    • ►  July 2011 (14)
    • ►  August 2011 (3)
    • ►  September 2011 (7)
    • ►  October 2011 (7)
    • ►  November 2011 (5)
    • ►  December 2011 (7)
  • ►  2012 (61)
    • ►  January 2012 (3)
    • ►  February 2012 (3)
    • ►  March 2012 (8)
    • ►  April 2012 (6)
    • ►  May 2012 (9)
    • ►  June 2012 (5)
    • ►  July 2012 (7)
    • ►  August 2012 (2)
    • ►  September 2012 (3)
    • ►  October 2012 (3)
    • ►  November 2012 (3)
    • ►  December 2012 (9)
  • ►  2013 (54)
    • ►  January 2013 (7)
    • ►  February 2013 (7)
    • ►  March 2013 (9)
    • ►  April 2013 (5)
    • ►  May 2013 (5)
    • ►  June 2013 (6)
    • ►  July 2013 (6)
    • ►  August 2013 (3)
    • ►  September 2013 (1)
    • ►  October 2013 (3)
    • ►  November 2013 (1)
    • ►  December 2013 (1)
  • ►  2014 (17)
    • ►  January 2014 (2)
    • ►  March 2014 (2)
    • ►  May 2014 (1)
    • ►  June 2014 (1)
    • ►  July 2014 (2)
    • ►  September 2014 (1)
    • ►  October 2014 (4)
    • ►  November 2014 (4)
  • ►  2015 (16)
    • ►  February 2015 (1)
    • ►  March 2015 (3)
    • ►  May 2015 (3)
    • ►  June 2015 (1)
    • ►  August 2015 (2)
    • ►  October 2015 (2)
    • ►  November 2015 (1)
    • ►  December 2015 (3)
  • ►  2016 (21)
    • ►  January 2016 (1)
    • ►  March 2016 (1)
    • ►  April 2016 (2)
    • ►  May 2016 (3)
    • ►  June 2016 (1)
    • ►  October 2016 (5)
    • ►  November 2016 (4)
    • ►  December 2016 (4)
  • ►  2017 (58)
    • ►  January 2017 (3)
    • ►  February 2017 (5)
    • ►  March 2017 (3)
    • ►  April 2017 (4)
    • ►  May 2017 (4)
    • ►  June 2017 (5)
    • ►  July 2017 (4)
    • ►  August 2017 (4)
    • ►  September 2017 (5)
    • ►  October 2017 (6)
    • ►  November 2017 (8)
    • ►  December 2017 (7)
  • ►  2018 (36)
    • ►  January 2018 (5)
    • ►  February 2018 (4)
    • ►  March 2018 (4)
    • ►  April 2018 (3)
    • ►  May 2018 (4)
    • ►  June 2018 (1)
    • ►  July 2018 (3)
    • ►  August 2018 (3)
    • ►  September 2018 (2)
    • ►  October 2018 (1)
    • ►  November 2018 (3)
    • ►  December 2018 (3)
  • ►  2019 (27)
    • ►  January 2019 (2)
    • ►  February 2019 (2)
    • ►  March 2019 (4)
    • ►  April 2019 (4)
    • ►  May 2019 (3)
    • ►  June 2019 (3)
    • ►  July 2019 (2)
    • ►  August 2019 (2)
    • ►  September 2019 (2)
    • ►  October 2019 (1)
    • ►  November 2019 (2)
  • ►  2020 (12)
    • ►  January 2020 (2)
    • ►  February 2020 (1)
    • ►  March 2020 (2)
    • ►  May 2020 (1)
    • ►  June 2020 (1)
    • ►  October 2020 (2)
    • ►  November 2020 (1)
    • ►  December 2020 (2)
  • ►  2021 (27)
    • ►  January 2021 (2)
    • ►  February 2021 (2)
    • ►  March 2021 (2)
    • ►  April 2021 (1)
    • ►  May 2021 (3)
    • ►  June 2021 (2)
    • ►  July 2021 (2)
    • ►  August 2021 (5)
    • ►  September 2021 (2)
    • ►  October 2021 (1)
    • ►  November 2021 (3)
    • ►  December 2021 (2)
  • ►  2022 (14)
    • ►  January 2022 (1)
    • ►  April 2022 (1)
    • ►  May 2022 (3)
    • ►  July 2022 (1)
    • ►  August 2022 (1)
    • ►  September 2022 (1)
    • ►  October 2022 (3)
    • ►  November 2022 (1)
    • ►  December 2022 (2)
  • ►  2023 (24)
    • ►  January 2023 (1)
    • ►  February 2023 (1)
    • ►  April 2023 (2)
    • ►  May 2023 (2)
    • ►  June 2023 (2)
    • ►  July 2023 (1)
    • ►  August 2023 (2)
    • ►  September 2023 (2)
    • ►  October 2023 (4)
    • ►  November 2023 (3)
    • ►  December 2023 (4)
  • ►  2024 (14)
    • ►  January 2024 (2)
    • ►  March 2024 (1)
    • ►  April 2024 (1)
    • ►  May 2024 (1)
    • ►  September 2024 (4)
    • ►  October 2024 (2)
    • ►  November 2024 (1)
    • ►  December 2024 (2)
  • ▼  2025 (6)
    • ►  January 2025 (2)
    • ►  February 2025 (1)
    • ►  March 2025 (2)
    • ▼  April 2025 (1)
      • In loving memory of Dad Pham

Created with by ThemeXpose | Distributed by Blogger Templates