KEEP IT IN THE PHAMLY

Once upon a time, my casual clothes were my work clothes because people in the fashion and music industries avoid having to grow up. I've since changed industries and gone from one wardrobe to three. Casual clothes, work clothes and Zoom video conferencing clothes.

When I'm in the office, I wear semi-corporate wear. Pencil skirts, blouses and brogues. It's not mandatory in my office; people wear a range of casual to corporate outfits. Semi-corporate is my preference after a lifetime in casual wear. It's fun to try new things. That said, I don't quite blend in with the rest of the work crew. A project sponsor introduced me to someone recently and explained I used to work in fashion, that's why when you look around the office I stick out like, "Bing!" he points his index finger straight up, with my colourful outfits and make-up. Glad you know you can take the girl out of fashion but you can't take fashion out of the girl.

When I work from home, I wear my Zoom outfits. Zoom outfits include mini dresses and skirts that I used to wear to work because I was into less modest fashion. Now I'm rounder than I used to be the same dresses and skirts ride up more than they used to, and I don't feel professional flashing my undies around the office. But on Zoom? People wouldn't know if I didn't have pants on so minis are good. They also don't know that this is Rei Pham's Zoom position. She will eventually lay down but she likes to start our day off blocking my screen. 

Some folks wear tees verging on pyjamas when they work from home but I did that once upon a time and after a while felt really frumpy. So, I wear Zoom work outfits where I look professional on top to work from home. The only time I've gone extra casual was yesterday when I was recovering from allergies and had all-over body hives and swollen face (a story for another time) - no way was I putting on anything but a loose cotton tee and loose gym shorts.

My casual clothes are now just casual for weekends and the odd weeknight evening out. Though, usually, weeknights are gym gear then PJs. 

The beginning

I started off on the wrong foot with 2022. I planned for chaos, if you recall. (I did not recall, I just went back through my blog. This year has been a blur). I did not take a break over Xmas, I did not pass Go, I did not collect some Me Time. Instead, I dived from hectic workload to hectic workload. Big mistake. Huge. 

I felt drained and completely run down. I felt so swamped with work duties and deadlines I kept skipping gym with Boyfriend Pham. Of course, that only compounded my problems. 

The middle

I did not anticipate a change in jobs after 7 years in the company, and changed industries after 17 years in entertainment, retail and e-commerce. The leap into healthcare was exciting because it'd been years since I'd learned new skills and knowledge at a steep and accelerated rate. 

I've been working to get my physical and mental health in check all year. I was seriously burnt out but in denial. I stupidly did not take a break between jobs so I went from one stressful situation to another type of stressful situation. Luckily, the management levels above me all prioritise personal health so it has helped me to make time for myself rather than ignoring my body and only feeding my brain. 

The end

I am on a concoction of supplements and medicines to help with a range of deficiencies. I think the thyroid meds have made the most noticeable difference though. I feel more energised and effective. It's like a haze that I never fully realised was there has lifted from my brain. I'd gotten so used to feeling exhausted, I thought it was just adulthood.

I started Reformer Pilates this year, thanks to a recommendation from a neighbour friend. I have kept up regular gym sessions with my gym buddy. I am hopeful I will start to feel and see results now my hormones, vitamins and minerals are in better ratios. I discovered at the end of this year that my blood pressure is on the high end of the normal range, so a goal for 2023 is to get my heart in better health.  

I'm at a point in my life (and mortgage repayments) where I can treat myself to healthy hobbies like gym and Reformer Pilates. Though, it took Boyfriend Pham to talk me around to forking out money for classes because my inner-stingy self doesn't like to part with any money.

One of our neighbour-friends introduced me to the local studio. She took me to induction class and showed me the ropes. Literally. Reformer Pilates is done on a machine with strappy ropes. I had always been too intimidated by the machine and the super fit people that are photographed on those machines. The actual people in classes range from super fit down to me - chubby office pleb with weak arms, bad knees and zero core strength.

Neighbour-friend and I went to a few classes together before her work hours shifted and no longer aligned with my office pleb schedule. I've kept up the classes and aim to keep them up so long as I don't make any stupid decisions that send me broke.

Reformer Pilates is expensive at Studio Pilates - 20-something dollars per class depending on the class pass you purchase upfront. I can afford it so I treat myself to classes in their really nice studio, with really good machines, and friendly attentive trainers. I did a trial class at a gym that was way cheaper, but the classes were triple the size, the machines were smaller and lower quality, and it was a drive instead of a walk away. That said, if budget was my top priority, I'd have sucked it up and taken classes at the gym instead of with Studio Pilates.

Highly recommend you do a trial class at a couple of different places to see what suits you! I feel strong and more flexible since adding reformer pilates to my life.

Someone at work asked me if my parents were strict growing up as Asian parents are known to be. It got me thinking. They were both the youngest of 10 children so by the time they were going through childhood their parents would have been less strict. Mum wasn't strict in most ways, but she was dead set on getting school educated.

Mum Pham was the book smart parent. She was studious and disciplined, and a qualified pharmacist (though the communists wouldn't give her a degree because she refused to serve in their army). Growing up all the pressure to study and go to university came from Mum. Dad Pham? Not so much for formal education. He once got in trouble with my Aunty when he suggested our cousin (her son) may be better off doing a trade. She was so outraged by the notion, she didn't talk to Dad for half a year.

I never really thought about why Dad Pham was so much more relaxed about education than Mum and most other Asian parents. That is, until one day, in one of his reflective moods he told me about how he failed forward into the navy.

At school, he ranked 130-something out of 134 for language. He gave so few shits, he didn't bother to remember exactly how low he scored. Now, Dad is not a dumbass by any means. He is actually more intelligent, calculating and strategic than Mum Pham in most ways. But he was too smart for formal education - because it was too easy for him, he got bored. Big Brother Pham would one day follow in Dad's footsteps - he was too smart for boring bookish study.

Dad joined the navy because he didn't have many other options. In the navy, with all the hands-on practical training and studies, Dad actually ranked 24, which was pretty high up there. His own life experience is why he's open to children doing trades or anything hands-on. Books aren't for everyone. Though, books turned out to be for me; they were definitely not for Big Brother Pham. Little Sissy Pham was somewhere in between - I think she'd have excelled at a sport if we could afford sport, but instead being poor forced her down the study route.

Even though I am a book nerd, I believe you should learn life your own way. Whatever suits your interests and skills is what you should pursue. Otherwise, you either won't be happy or won't excel in what you do... or both. 

Someone asked recently if Dad Pham was still by himself after it came out in conversation that Mum was no longer with us. Dad has remained single since her passing in 2011 and has no interest in finding another love or companion. He says Mum was a devoted wife. She took us to see Dad every evening on the bus when he was hospitalised numerous times throughout our childhood. She never complained when he sent all their money back to his family in Vietnam.

Mum Pham had a quiet strength that wasn't obvious if you didn't truly know her. She was always so loving and generous, she'd come across as a bit of a pushover to strangers she went out of her way to accommodate. But it takes strength to be that open and vulnerable and give to others, especially when times are tough or relationships soured - she never turned away anyone in need. If anything, she held them closer.

Mum Pham bestowed all three Phamlings with her quiet strength. I'm proud when people tell me I'm a quiet achiever. It's often given as critical feedback to be more assertive and vocal, because extroverts rule the world (and look where that's led us). I'll always prefer to be a good listener like Mum than a fancy wordsmith any day. 

Dad Pham had been in love withs someone else before he met Mum Pham.

On one of his reflective days, he told me a bit about her. They met at the US Culture Wellness Centre in Vietnam. He said she has a round face like Mum Pham, like me. That made me laugh. Boyfriend Pham has taken to calling me moon-face because in a moment of self-doubt, I wondered if he and I looked similar in anyway. I don't want to be one of those couples who look like siblings. He reminded me I am Vietnamese, and he is Australian. Also, the only thing we have in common is I have a big round face, and he has a small round face. We only have moon-faces in common. Phew.

Dad told me after the American war in Vietnam he had to flee and he asked his first love to come with him. But they weren't married so it was improper and she chose to stay with her family rather than flee. He loved her and would have married her if he'd stayed.

The two of them got in touch a number of years after Mum Pham passed. They started off with snail mail, then I was given an email address and started scanning Dad's handwritten letters and sending them. There was back and forth for a time while they caught up on each other's lives since the war. Eventually Dad does what his schizophrenia always does, and he moved onto the next phase and stopped writing. He didn't see the point since he would never go back to Vietnam, and she would never come to Australia.

Mum Pham used to speak of another woman Dad met while he was a refugee in Singapore. They parted ways because she left for America and Dad didn't want to go there. Instead, he went to Germany where he became an interpreter and met Mum Pham.

Thank you to the wonderful team @theplantlounge in Nundah for splitting our plant baby into two pots, and showing us how to treat her bugs with Neem oil. So Rei Pham could harass it some more.

We got her from the Plant Lounge in December 2020 - our first plant purchase for our new home. After nearly killing her with lack of sun inside over the first 5 months (her demise is pictured in the gallery), we put her outside after our new kitten sat on her and broke nearly all her limbs. She bounced back with a bit of sun and daily watering for the remainder of last year, and outgrew her pot so we split her in two this year! Now we have double the love and can rotate the plants in and out to get the much needed indirect sunlight.

Our kitten is a cat and no longer into crushing the houseplant, so we look forward to getting more indoor plants from @theplantlounge to make our house feel more homely. ❤️ We now have four plant babies from the Plant Lounge that get rotated from our mildly sunny courtyard into our sun-free living areas. And, of course, are keen to get more now that Rei Pham has gotten used to indoor plants and has stopped digging, eating or knocking the plants over.

The Plant Lounge is online and has a storefront in Nundah that is shared with Vessel Nundah, who provide zero-waste skincare and cleaning products. Drop by the store for a friendly chat with the knowledgable owners or browse online: https://www.theplantlounge.com.au/ 

I have spent this year collecting all the viruses and bugs I avoided during lockdowns and social distancing. I am just coming out of a bad run of COVID-19, then gastro (why is vomiting so ew, where is this gas coming from? I'm not even eating!), then a not COVID-19 virus (where my head and feet were freezing cold then burning up but my body was fine - it was super weird). Days turned into weeks, then weeks turned into over two months of feeling sick. Thank golly I can work from home because that would have been a lot of unpaid sick days. The irony is I caught my viruses each time I tried to get healthier by going to the gym. Joy!

It's not really the gym's fault. It's mine. Over the past couple of years, I've not been taking good care of my health. Generally feeling rundown was written off as lockdown blues but when Australia started opening up again and life returned to somewhat normal, I was still feeling like crap. I had moved away from home turf in the south to the north side, was avoiding medical services because of COVID fear, and didn't have my local anythings including a General Practitioner. So for a number of lame reasons, I didn't get my health checked for too long.

When I finally went to a GP, the doctor did a general health check including blood and urine test. I learned I've been Vitamin D deficient, low in B12, iron, zinc and more. I'm now on a concoction of vitamin supplements and also taking melatonin at night to help me get better quality sleep. I have my fingers and toes crossed it'll help, but it's early days and also hard to tell if I'm improving when I've had back to back viruses.

If you haven't connected the dots already... I keep getting sick because my immune system is shot. Now, I'm not saying this as an employee of a healthcare company that offers pathology services. I'm saying this as someone who believes getting diagnosed leads to treatments that will better your health. If you haven't had a general health check in a while and feeling a bit off, listen to your body and go see a doctor. I wish I'd done it sooner and given my immune system a chance to help me recover quickly from illness or fend off the viruses altogether.

Sigh. You live, you learn, right? 

Adriene is sponsored by Adidas and is probably why all my tights are now Adidas tights

As part of a personal goal to be more active, I've taken up workout at home yoga following YouTube channel 'Yoga with Adriene.' Boyfriend Pham and I do yoga every morning before we get ready for work (full disclosure: only during warmer months because we're soft and won't get out of bed early when it's mildly cool). I learned of Adriene Mishler through a childhood bestie who has been doing yoga on a boat during the pandemic.

For those who are time-poor, funds-poor or both, Yoga with Adriene is a great way to get some movement and 'me-time' into your day. The sessions are often 20-30mins and because it's on YouTube you can progress at your own pace, skip a day here or there when you're just not feeling it, or press pause and come back later if you can't do a whole session in one sitting.

It's a lovely way to wake up the body and settle the mind each morning. Adriene has a really calm and fun demeanour as she guides you through the sessions. She's humble and down to earth, and won't throw about yoga terminology without explaining what it actually means and the intention of all the things. A great bonus is in recent years she got a Blue Heeler named Benji who also has a calm demeanour because mostly he's snoozing in the background of her yoga space.

Check her out online. You don't need anything to try - a towel on carpet could do. But if you find yourself getting into it, I highly recommend getting a yoga mat for comfort. You can always ask your local Buy Nothing Group if you don't have the funds for a new mat.

Not my feet, I have bad sock tan line and chubby legs. Stock photo from Frankie4 of a style I wear.

I have a tendency to ignore my ailments until they're kind of a big deal, like that time I used to wake up feeling tight in the legs and struggling to walk down the stairs every morning and then hurt my lower back when it could have been prevented if I'd just went to a physiotherapist and learned how to stretch out my hip flexor. Yeah, like that.

These days I'm trying to be less of a stiff upper lip, suck-it-up, tough-it-out type. When I noticed an ache in my left big toe joint and the beginnings of a bunion, I chose to not follow my dumb instincts to ignore the pain just in case it goes away on its own, and instead sought professional help. A podiatrist kitted me with custom orthotics and explained how my pigeon-toed left leg was putting massive pressure on the joint. Over time I'll get arthritis where the bone is grinding but if I wear the orthotics and do daily toe stretches it'll help delay the onset of arthritis.

Fun fact from the podiatrist: You inherit your walk from your parents! I must have inherited Mum Pham's walk because she had severe bunions. Looking back I wish I knew she was in pain, and could have had surgery to fix her feet, and we weren't broke and we could afford surgery - ah, wishful hindsight.

Obviously, I used my new orthotics as an excuse to cull my shoe collection of anything too narrow to fit orthotics. I gifted newish shoes to my local Buy Nothing community, and binned crappy old sneakers. Then Boyfriend Pham took me on a shopping spree because I was sad and shoeless. 

Boy-oh, shoes with arch support are expensive. He drove me to two Frankie4 stores to try on shoes that fit my orthotics. I purchased two pairs - each cost 2.5x what I'd normally pay for work brogues. I also got Birkenstock Arizona to wear around the house - they're only 20x the cost of a pair of cheap, plastic slides. Once I learned my orthotic shoe size is 39 instead of my previous 38, I also tried Bared Footwear online - they have stores in Melbourne, but not in Brisbane...yet. 

While I cringe at the $1500+ I dropped getting custom orthotics and new footwear because I'm a tight-arse, I am grateful to be in a position where I can afford healthcare, and supportive footwear. Things Mum Pham didn't get to have, but raised us kids to work hard so we had better options in life. Also, today is the anniversary of Mum's passing so that's probably why I keep thinking of her even though I'm writing about my feet, which look like Dad Pham's.