KEEP IT IN THE PHAMLY

One of the longest relationships I've had in my life is with my mobile phone number. It was my first and still my only. I recently broke up with Telstra after a $69/month two year contract, which I bought just before I moved home and D'oh! You don't need to call your Phamly much when you live with them. There's this thing called Phamly dinner where people talk to each other FACE-TO-FACE.

This is a story about a potato chip tree I made for a guy at work who I'll call Broke Back Boy because he hurt his back. Don't worry, Broke Back Boy's okay. This story is a happy one because he recovers quickly AND he gets a potato chip tree!

The Potato Chip Tree got me great compliments like, 'You're weird.' from the recipient and 'So random' by some one else. Even I think it's a bit ridiculous. I don't know how my brain leapt to a chip tree but I started at - oh no, he's hurt. Then, I should do something nice. Food obviously. Followed by, the freak doesn't eat chocolate. Opposite of chocolate? Potato chips. That's boring. [i don't understand this leap to] Potato Chip Tree!

Initially I was going to stick them on a weighted bottle (probably coke) but at the supermarket I discovered multi-pack chips come in boxes now. I don't eat small [read: recommended] servings - Little Sissy Pham and I can hoover a 175g party pack in one sitting... each. So I bought a Red Rock Deli multi-pack because the box assured me it had 'adult servings' inside and I'm always telling myself I should be more grown up.

The Potato Chip Tree is the chip packs stuck on the outside of their box, which I cut into the shape of an Xmas tree, stapled branches together to centre the weight then added a rolled up bit of box cut-offs in the base to make the tree trunk stronger. All the bags are held on by sticky tape and I made a complete mess of it taping bags to bags and branches and other bags... good luck plucking the chip packs off, Broke Back Boy. Get well soon!

It's official. I'm going back on Oratane. I took the acne medication in 2010/11 for six months and it cleared up my skin but two months after the treatment my skin started breaking out again. My Melbourne dermatologist said to come back if this happened but then life happened and I moved back to Brisbane. I managed my skin for the past year on Proactiv and it was pretty good but it stopped working after a while. I gave Skin Clarity a go and that made it worse so I finally made the dreaded decision to go back on Oratane.

This is the welcome pack my dermatologist put together for me. I threw in the three supermarket lip balms, he didn't suggest those brands but Maybelline Baby Lips is seriously the best softening lip balm I've ever used that has staying power (sorry vaseline, most points for softness, zilch for staying power under Oratane strain) and I have a few Nivea lip balms still lying around... I'll need about 50 more Baby Lips before my course of meds ends. No exaggeration - the doc wants me on Oratane at varying levels over the next three years. Ouch. Guess it's good I had such a bad experience with alcohol lately, I won't miss drinking for a while. I forgot to throw a jar of vaseline in the pic - vaseline was my saving grace applied before bed and first thing when I woke up last time round.

On a scale of 1 to 10 for horrible if 1 is drinking unflavoured cough syrup and 10 is chemo, I'd say Oratane is round about a 2.5. But I've yet to undergo surgery, break most bones or any other severe medical issues personally, so Oratane is the most unpleasant and painful body memory I have. I'm told the spinal tap I had when I was two had me screaming hysterics but I don't really remember that.


I'm preparing for a life of discomfort and a little pain...oh, and hairiness because waxing is out. The worst of the discomfort, from memory is the dry, peeling lips that I lathered with lip balm every 15 minutes or so. But there's also the dry eyeballs (especially for us contact lens wearers), dry scalp, dry face, dry neck, dry body, dry arms, dry elbows, dry knees, dry ankles... you get the picture. All your skin feels tight yet flimsy and ready to break. The first time, I only had aching bones and muscles and a bit of nausea for the first two weeks on the meds while my body adjusted (here's hoping it's the same again). I didn't have any hair loss or severe mood swings or get depressed or anything like that.

I think it's unfair to suggest Oratane is linked with depression and suicidal thoughts. You're probably not in a happy place when you seek specialist help for a skin disease like cystic acne, you're feeling desperate to get rid of painful and highly visible red and pussy pimples. I bailed on coffee with a guy a few weeks ago because I didn't want my unappealing skin to be his first impression of me. Seems a bit silly to be posting my acne on the Internet now but I guess the difference is I won't see you staring or any looks of disgust. Having to look at my own face in the mirror is enough.

If you have severe acne and you're struggling to treat it with commercially available products, I say it's worth spending the moneys if you have it to see a dermatologist for Oratane. The sooner the better. I lucked out with a cancellation and a rad boss who let me pop out at short notice so I bypassed the 2 month wait for my appointment. For first timers,  it'll take 1-2 visits to get started plus meds so depending on the doctor's fees, how many acne skincare products you already have and any additional meds like antibiotics they prescribe, you'll need at least a few hundred. My first time on Oratane was about $550 to kickstart then ongoing check ups and meds, this time because I'd been on the meds before and didn't need the tests or a second appointment to get started, it cost me about $300 to kit up. I assume you have acne if you're reading this. Good luck! I'll be posting updates on my skin's progress as I go.

I've been doing a lot of Interstate trips this year because, I've discovered, I still like having fun. After a year of dullhood, I thought I was getting old and and boring, but turns out I just don't like going out in Brisbane. So Bris don't kill my vibe I travel to all the exciting stuff that happens anywhere not here. Boy-flings, Carbon Festival, mega 30th parties/weekends away and now the New Hunting Ground gallery launch on Friday 21st June in Fitzroy, Melbourne. Mark it in your diaries and come have fun with me!

I normally LOVE the Eurovision Song Contest and look forward to it every year and I still do. However, I must admit I found Eurovision 2013 to be underwhelming. My favourite thing about Eurovision is the over-the-topness, the desperation to stand out and impress - it should be a giant music circus! This year was just meh though the host Petre Mede nailed it with her cheeky/charming humour.

I blame the tasteful winners of years past like Loreen's Euphoria in 2012 and bloody Lena's Satellite from 2010 for Eurovision's demise. Damn you ladies and your simple staging and decent songs! Too many countries are sending inferior versions of these subtler songs and performances and it's booorrrring and painful when they don't nail it.
2013 Eurovision didn't have anywhere enough ridiculousness, "reveals" and outrageous songs for my liking. Greece sent a 'novelty' act probably expecting them to BOMB but no, they were fantastic! Romania hurt Tigger Pham's ears but they were entertaining in their own way. Moldova's dress and hair was an exception in this year's contest when it should have been the standard!
I did thoroughly enjoy Loreen's Interval Performance. If more of Europe could send this calibre of artist into the semis and final I wouldn't complain about the performances being too normal/respectable. It's just this half-assed middle ground that's ruining the Eurovision I know and love.

The other day I was scrolling through my baby pics and discovered that my new hairstyle isn't so new. This is a pic of 2 year old me. Turns out I'm not fashion forward... or even fashion backward. I'm fashion sidewards.

The only difference (apart from 27 years in age) is I didn't shave the sides of my head back then because 2 year old me only had enough language to say 'long' and chuck a heart-stopping, window-breaking tantrum if Mum Pham did otherwise. I wish she hadn't indulged me because now in adulthood I don't use my decent sized English vocabulary to articulate how I feel. I make whiny noises when I don't like something and roar at people who get in my way.

So tell me honestly, who rocks it better? Mini me or grown up me. I know mini-me dressed better. Hot damn! Look at that tights to dress colour coordination then light long sleeve underlayer to match the light sandals. Why can't I dress like that?

I've always had a drinking problem in that I am too focused on my work to get up and get a glass of water. Even when there's a little part of my brain telling me I'm dying of thirst, I just tell it to stop being overdramatic and keep on working. Little Sissy Pham had to 'water' me when I first got into Diablo III for this very reason. Sometimes I would go a full day on one sip of water and only realise my bad when I stopped working and got hit with a dehydration headache. Yeah, those exist.


But at work, I don't have Little Sissy Pham bringing me regular glasses of water and cups of tea. I've had to step up my water game and I did so in shiny Sigg style. I got this Heritage Sigg 1L drink bottle in Vintage Gold from bodegadeluxe.com - look how pretty the colour is! There is a matte black version that I really wanted too but I lived up to my Shiny Jade mug and went the shiny gold bottle. Also, part of my brain didn't want a drink bottle that matched the boys' cars at work. There's enough matte black already in my world view. I got the whole kit - Sigg bottle cleaning brush and cleaning tablets because cleanliness is next to something that's not dirty, which is important when it's your drinking water. My Sigg gold bottle makes me huppy.

Have you ever tried to kiss yourself on the lips? ...Oh, okay - me either then. But that's where my brain went when I finally got around to Maybelline's Baby Lips in colour range.

As you won't remember from my Nivea Fruity Shine lip balm post, I've been hanging for the Maybelline Baby Lips colour range to drop in Australia. Too bad for me, I'm a stockpiler and had stocked up on Nivea Fruity Shine on sale and am only just starting to run out of juice now.


And I'm so happy to make the switch! Maybelline Baby Lips in colour is just as good as regular clear Baby Lips - you know how sometimes when they change the formula to add fluff details (like glitter or colour) it can affect the moisture? Well, super glad to say that Maybelline Baby Lips Colours are 110% moisturising. I'm sorry Nivea Fruity Shine, you were fun to kiss but now I've got a new favourite!

The Nivea Fruity Shine range has glitter and colour added that affect the smooth moist feel compared to their regular range of lip balm. Somehow Maybelline Baby Lips has managed to keep the moisture at a maximum and - by god - the staying power is even better than the first clear tube of Baby Lips I had.

Interwebs, say hello to my new favourite tinted lip balm - Maybelline Baby Lips in Berry Crush! I still prefer the US range - their packaging is way cooler and colours way bolder and I've read your lips absorbs the moisture whereas the Aussie one I'm currently using sits on top of my lips like a gloss. Oh well, when you live this far away from the rest of the globe, I guess you gotta appreciate what you can get. Or I guess I could just order it in from the States. Lord knows I can't seem to stop giving the Internet money to send me stuff in the mail.

It's Dad Pham's 68th birthday today! 2012-13 has been a bit rough on my papa.  He is finally starting to feel his age. Dad Pham used to be Mr. Invincible - never had a health problem. Well, body health issue. Dad's had schizophrenia brought on by PTSD from the Vietnam War since before we were born but that's a story for another day. Today's story is about dad's body health.

I'm sure nobody's noticed that I'm blogging about half as much as I used to but I am. And I have a good reason... by good I mean bad. I've been cheating on my blog with another blog that pays for my services. I've become a blogging prostitute! I guess if I enjoy it and feel empowered then it's okay. Jokes aside this is part of my day job: culturekings.com.au/blog. It's way cooler than my personal blog and has, like, socially fashiony musically sporty culturally relevant content but you can see my nerdy influences creepin' in. GoT meme anyone? Support my craft and check out the new Culture Kings blog!

Some things I don't need to remember but can't seem to forget - like the taste of methylated spirits in my potatoes from year 9 camp. Other things I should remember but always seem to forget - like I don't have a drunk stage when I drink, I go from tipsy straight to sick. No thank you, brain.

Last Friday I went drinking with the new work crew and instead of sticking to 1-2 clear spirits, I went and had a shot with the boyz. And oh man did I pay for it. Within half an hour my vision went splotchy purple and blue before I stopped seeing altogether. Then I had the pleasure of throwing up 10 times. Once in the middle of the club, 5 times in the bathroom then another 4 times when I got home.

Dad Pham was quite proud. The ex-navy captain in him was all, 'It's good! This is how you know you're having fun.' But it didn't feel like fun when stomach bile was coming out of my nose and it definitely didn't taste like fun either. The only upside I can see is this will remind me to not drink shots again until the next time I forget and drink shots. By my calculations I'll repeat this vicious cycle in 2018.