KEEP IT IN THE PHAMLY

I started ballet in August this year. No, I'd never danced before in my life and, yes, I am absolutely terrible at it. But that won't stop me from doing my first ever dance recital in December. I don't recommend anyone come to see me dance, but I do highly, astronomically recommend you see Les Twins on their dance workshop tour around Australia this week. Visit maspresents.com for tickets and venue details. Tour dates below:


For uncoordinated noobs like myself, you can just go, watch and wish you had inherited Dad's black belt discipline and not Mum's oopsy-daisy gene. I cannot wait to see them this Sunday in Brisbane at the Sandgate Town Hall. Squeal! And then this always single lady and my not as single Little Sissy are going to see them perform with Beyonce the following night at Brisbane Entertainment Centre. All types of squeal!!

I've never wondered why DJs have silly pun names. Then Han Cholo jewellery landed at work and in the fleeting moment I thought about it, I came the conclusion that the effort to find out why probably wasn't worth the result. So, suffice to say I still don't know why DJs have pun names but I've decided that DJs should leave the punning to editors and people who are good at dad jokes. Han Cholo jewellery is awesome despite the name. Even Hans Solo would approve some of the designs like the All Seeing Eye UFO Pendant Chain I bought.


For someone so into shiny things I am not that into bling. Mostly because I get it caught everywhere and always end up ripping out bits of hair or breaking the chains and never get around to replacing them. But I could not resist this gorgeous UFO meets third eye meets galaxy necklace from Men In Black 1 chain. So far I've only accidentally punched myself in the chest with it when it swung against my desk and rebounded hard right between the boobs. Ow. Jade 0: Han Cholo 1.

Hello my poor, neglected blog. I've been a little busy with work lately, which is what happens when you have an already full workload then volunteer to organise the first major store opening in Culture Kings history. This is like that time I thought I could make a 40 minute DVD around my final semester of studies and ended up on a vending machine diet and zero sleep to meet deadline. Except this time I remembered to schedule sleep hours and ate copious amounts of pizza instead because, you know, progress.

I've thrown work and fun events before but this one was particularly important to me. I didn't figure out why until last week when the whirlwind ended. This is the first event I've managed since organising Mum Pham's funeral and if y'all hadn't heard that burnt me out something major. Culture Kings Melbourne Launch Party is the first time I've pushed myself hard since then and, you guys, I kinda killed it.

Mum Pham would have been proud. She'd have hated my hair and head tattoo and strange eye make-up and men putting their arm around her daughter for photos and the loud music and the Culture Kings Beer and endless supply of Moet and maybe even the champagne tower despite its pretty and definitely a no-no to the casual attire on the red carpet and caps worn inside and the catering not being Asian cuisine. But, all the same, she would have been proud to know I did my best to make many people happy memories. Look what a bit of sleep and a lot of pizza can do:

Okay, I cave. Carmex is the mother of all Lip Balms. Even though I love my Maybelline Baby Lips for the added colour to my 'pale ghost face' as mother liked to call it, I use Carmex all day every day now that Oratane has killed my will to produce natural oil.

I've only tried the click sticks so far because I don't like greasing my fingers with pot lip balms but it is amazing and I recommend the whole range. It's a no frills lip balm with pure moisturising and not overly scented or coloured like my fave teeny-bopping lip balms.

As Dad likes to say, "YOU DO!"

Almost every week we have a Phamly Pheast where those of us who cook and all of us who eat come together and indulge our inner pigs. We tried to control ourselves at our once in a lifetime dining experience at Fat Noodle in Brisbane that Little Sissy Pham won in a competition. We failed.

How can you control yourself when Luke Nguyen himself plans a 10 Course Off-Menu Meal for your family? You can't. This blog post is essentially food porn. I contained myself long enough to take snaps before we devoured each dish in Pham style, which is to say we stuffed our faces - only stopping long enough to take quick breaths so we don't pass out.

Little Sissy Pham finally flew the coup. She moved out with The Bloody Vegan (her boyfriend who I lovingly call that every time I remember I have to cook a separate dish for him) last weekend. We sent her off with Mum's sharpest knife because we pray she'll learn to cook more than two minute noodles, though we don't think our prayers will be answered for a while.

Dad Pham has been very sad without her around. He can't remember the last time he was this sad. He was relieved for Mum Pham when she passed away and he was completely fine when I moved to Melbourne, but for some reason Little Sissy Pham moving to the other side of Brisbane really got him down. I should be totally offended but I'm busy discovering the great things about not having Little Sissy Pham around. This is what I've noticed so far:

1. Luigi gets to sleep in the car port.

2. My products fit in the bathroom cabinet instead of the nook in my wardrobe.

3. I no longer speak English at home so my Vietnamese might improve (even the optimist in me highly doubts this).

4. No fighting to do laundry.

5. I get my cat all to myself.

6. When I open the pantry all my food is still there!

7. I can set up an exercise/dance space.

8.  I don't have to make bulk lunches for work anymore!!

9. I can shower whenever for however long I want in the mornings or evenings.

10. I finally, finally get to buy my favourite toilet paper: Kleenex Cottonelle - oh how I have missed your sweet caress. Evil sis made me get Sorbent for her sensitive bee-hind. No more! It's fluffy ribbed Cottonelle in this house from now on!

Did I mention when I open my pantry all my food is still there? Woohoo!

I've had 5 people in the past fortnight want to switch up their phones but scared to lose their contacts. How can this happen in this day and age? By that I mean the Google age. I've had my contacts synced to Gmail/Google Apps since I made the switch from dumbphones to smartphones. I like to plan ahead so I can slut around between handsets and networks without a care.

I can't be without my hand sanitiser… is not something I ever thought I'd say. Who knew the girl who had dirt throwing fights, ate off the floor and rarely bathed as a kid would grow up to list hand sanitiser as an essential?

It all started last year when I worked in a big office with hundreds of other people for the first time. I finally had a real-life reason to say, 'We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto.' Nobody heard me but one of the office guys noticed my face and asked if I was okay. No, I wasn't. I was distressed at working in a massive Matrix-like office and was praying in my head that a detached voice on a mobile phone would tell me to climb out the window and escape. But, no, I was now one of the worker ants.

Commuting on a train with hundreds of other humans then being shoved in office with hundreds more made me instantly ill. I'd come from working in large spaces with few people to large spaces with too many people. Little Sissy Pham who's learned the ways of modern office life made me get hand sanitiser - she prefers Purell hand sanitiser because it absorbs better but I got Dettol because it was in a rack by the check-out in Big W. Public transport, shared toilets, elevator buttons, ATM buttons, escalators arms... if you touch it too, sanitise! Sanitise! At least, until your immune system toughens up a bit. I'm back to a larger space with fewer people so I don't need to sanitise 100 times a day but I still carry a bottle with me, just in case. It came in handy the other week when my pal needed to do a stealth bush-wee.

I learned to touch type on a typewriter. It means I'm old but not as old as you're thinking. There were computers around but being a poor Phamly we didn't get a computer until Big Brother Pham turned 15 and got a job.

Big Brother bought our first think-box but Dad Pham bought my first typewriter. He found it at a garage sale because he was always buying things from garage sales whether we used them or not. Nobody asked for or needed a typewriter but that's never stopped him. His latest buy is an electric drill that he has no use for but still loves.

I was drawn to the typewriter. As soon as I saw it, I knew it was going to be mine. Little me used to write stories all the time and this was a shiny, new way to present my words. I didn't touch type at first because I didn't know there was such a thing. But one of my many IT cousins (why do I have so many cousins in IT?) saw me sitting at the typewriter with my two index and middle fingers and showed me how to be a lady. Okay, nobody ever showed me how to be a lady - Mum gave up before she started; I remember the exact moment her hopes died when I came home after a day well spent sliding down a dirt hill on my arse in a brand new polka dot skirt. Anyhoo, I picked up touch typing fast.


The only problem with learning on a typewriter is that to this day I still punch my keyboards with the vigour I needed to impress ink. Sometimes it sounds like I'm trying to murder my keyboard. This rad moo cow patterned keyboard cover softens the blow. It has put my touch typing to the test because while it looks super awesome, some of the keys are hard to read with red on black print. I had to memorise a couple of function buttons at the top but otherwise, I've still got it. Weehee!

I bought this from my good friend, eBay.

Sometimes I do random stuff like make potato chip trees, become a vegetarian after talking with a mosquito, write a letter to a cat pretending to be a cat... the list goes on. But there is one thing that you can always rely on me to do and that is SHINY THINGS.

People at work have already figured out that anything bright, multi-colour, highly flammable or reflective that comes through our office will make my beady little Asian eyes light up. When the Supra x A-morir appeared, I fell in shoe-love but almost didn't get them just to spite the guys for predicting that I'd get them... but who was I kidding? These shoes are so me!


I mean, just look at the crazy cats at A-morir. I imagine if I had adoptive parents, these two would be them. They've applied double-sided sequin to the Supra WMNS Skytop so I can choose to flip 'em on the black for darker days or flip 'em back for more gold on brighter days. My fave part is the little peep hole at the back of the ankle.

You can get 'em from my work www.culturekings.com.au and before you weird purists get on my back for promoting work stuff, I bought these shoes because I love them and recommend them!