KEEP IT IN THE PHAMLY

Drinking tea in Brisbane is like a test of your faith and commitment to the hot beverage. In other parts of the world, namely Melbourne, where the weather attempts to refrigerate an entire city, it makes more sense to drink cups of tea to warm yourself. Brisbane is more like running out of ice cubes then licking frost in the freezer kind of weather.

Apart from tights and jeggings, another way to avoid wearing real pants is leggings. Not all people can get away with wearing leggings as pants and I pray I’m not one of them because I do wear leggings as pants quite often (under long tops that cover me bum, please note – I never had a svelte 16 year old girl’s body even when I was 16).

My favourite pair of leggings is the Shiny Night Fever in Black by American Apparel, which I’ve had for about two years now. They’re nicely broken in but have not gone thin and flimsy like other brands I’ve tried. Unfortunately, the above pic is the only photo I can find that shows me wearing them and I am waaaay too sleepy to put them on for a photo session. I should actually be in bed already - it's a school night! I wear them ALL the time so it's strange there aren't more photos. I guess I should appreciate the fact my friends would rather take photos of my face than my butt, even though there's not much different between the two. Growing up, my siblings didn't call me BFCBC (big fat chubby bum cheek) face for nothing!
The Night Fever Black colourway sells out all the time and I'm not sure if it's in production anymore but I also have and recommend the Boa Black. If you're into coloured tights there is a plethora of different styles, colourways and fabrics to choose from so give yourselves a good hour to trawl their website if you want to go to there.

And remember, kids, say no to pants!

Wow, after living in Melbourne with Myki, I can't believe there is a plastic public transport ticketing system that works. Well, when the human using it knows how to work it.

I epically failed on my first day back traveling on Brisbane public transport. Little Sissy Pham bought me a Go Card because she wished I'd leave the house more. Since Myki wasn't available on trams or buses for the longest time in Melbourne I never got around to using it so I wasn't used to touching on and touching off with a ticket.
One day, when this little piggy went to the job market and met with a company to talk shop, then went to catch up with a friend before returning home, she forgot to touch off not once, but twice! You will see my stupidity represented in the transactions below. Goodbye money, it's not like I needed you that desperately while I was unemployed and on Centrelink.
As George W. Bush once said, "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." What I mean to say is we are both idiots. I have since learned how to use a Go Card properly but I still can't believe a man who couldn't gather his own thoughts was allowed to run one of the most powerful countries in the world. Obama 2012!

EDIT: Spoke too soon and jinxed the system. The day I had this blog post scheduled to publish, my Go Card failed! It let me touch on but not off - twice. That's 2 x d'oh! I had to buy a replacement card, which doesn't cost me anything because the $5 I pay is credited on the card as emergency funds. The other good part is Translink customer service is awesome. I called them three times (twice for d'oh! and third time with the new card details) and went straight to an operator two out of those three times. I also called 'em at 8.30pm at night for the last thing and woohoo! Someone was around to solve my problem! I should get a refund of my overcharged money transferred to my new card at some point in the near future. Lose-lose-win-win!

The thing about working in music and street fashion for nearly all of my 20s is I own a lot of sneakers and inappropriately short skirts, dresses and shorts. Not so great when you look for work in the public service. I had to buy an outfit for job interviews and when I scored a second job interview for what turned out to be my current role, I had to wear a vintage dress disguised as office-wear with a black cardigan, pantyhose and dress shoes. Barely passable. So when I got the job I had to buy at least three more outfits before I started for a five-day work week.

Seeing as how I'd only met the two people who interviewed me, I didn't have a clue how formally dressed the office was or wasn't. It didn't help that when I went in to sign paperwork before starting, everyone in my future team was wearing Hawaiian shirts and/or hula skirts for an endless summer themed morning tea. So I did what I don't normally do: take advice from someone who knows better. Little Sissy Pham has been working in the real world for as long as I have been running around fantasy land in tights so she came shopping with me. In a movie, this would have been a 30 second montage with perky music. Not in a movie, it took three hours with a toilet break.
I thought Target, Big W and K-mart would champion my previously unemployed budget of about $150-$200 for a weeks' worth of outfits but my saviour turned out to be Australian label Barkins. Barkins have a large range of work wear, day wear and cosy looking casual wear. I went to their store at Jindalee DFO in Brisbane this time. For some reason their website doesn't list this store nor the outlet on Smith Street in Collingwood, Melbourne. So maybe assume there's one hidden in your area somewhere and call up for store locations. Barkins have corporate looking outfits but me being me, of course, chose the more casual and colourful approach to workwear.

I managed to find three outfits that I actually liked and when I took 'em to the counter they only racked up a $99 bill! And to top it all off Little Sissy Pham's boyfriend bought all three as a late birthday present for me!! How lovely. I guess he does kindda owe me for all the vegan (or "bloody vegan" as I like to mutter while I cook) meals I make him when he's over. Plus, I've been a bit of a charity case lately. Dad Pham bought me a car to get around Bris and a desk for my room, Little Sissy Pham bought me a chest of draws for my clothes and fronted money for bills before I could pay her back. Even Big Brother Pham kept topping up the tank whenever he borrowed Luigi (my car). So when Little Sissy Pham's boyfriend offered to pay for my new work wardrobe, instead of letting my pride protest, the charity case in me jumped up and down yelling, "Yay!" The moral of this story is make sure your sister is dating some one who pities you.
I am probably the most casual and least professional looking lass in my office but, you know, I shower and attempt to tame my frizzy hair (it really dislikes Brisbane humidity, here's hoping it doesn't mutiny and leave my head again) so I am not offensive. Or so I hope.

I've known Dad Pham my whole life. Or so I thought. Things have been a little different for me living at home this time around. Mum Pham used to rule the roost so I'm only just discovering some of his quirks now.

Dad Pham can cook as well as Mum Pham but he is super lazy so never used to do it. These days,  he cooks dinner during the week. He makes simple dishes because he wants to get the cooking over with and sometimes this means he makes dinner in the morning.

It stresses Dad Pham out to pick a dish for dinner because he doesn't get food cravings so never knows what to cook. These days I plan our meals.
Dad Pham wants me to argue with him every now and then, but not too much. I guess because he and Mum Pham used to argue over little things. So I do it even though I think his way of doing things is just fine.

I go for walks with Dad Pham every night after dinner. His walking route, which he also does every morning, is limited to pacing back and forth outside on the footpath between 7 houses because a few houses to our right is a dog that likes to bark (Dad doesn't want to disturb the neighbours) and a few houses to our left is an over friendly neighbour who invites Dad Pham into his home every time he sees him (Dad doesn't want to be disturbed by neighbours).

Dad Pham is so buddhist, he thinks of farting and burping as 'getting rid of negative energy.'

I probably don't have the most mature taste in....well, anything. My get-ups can be judged by how many kids in supermarkets or on the streets point me out to their parents and sometimes yell in delight. I know I've got a winner when a child accidentally walks into a wall because he or she is too busy staring at my child-like adulthood.

I thought leaving Melbourne I wouldn't have much use for umbrellas so I gave my SpongeBob SquarePants umbrellas to a dear friend so she could remember my immaturity whenever it rained. Luckily, Little Sissy Pham gave me the SpongeBob umbrella I gave her a couple of years ago because she lives in Brisbane where it normally doesn't rain so much (or maybe that was the drought Australia went through). Her loss! Muahahaha - or should I say "Dahahahahahahaha!"? Now that Brisbane's in wet weather season, I've been using SpongeBob to keep the rain at bay almost every day.
I guess I could be nice and get Little Sissy Pham a new SpongeBob umbrella from Ebay but I think she secretly wanted a grown up umbrella because I see she her using a sensible black one these days. Hmmph, Spongesnob. If you do buy one from eBay make sure you get an adult-friendly one. Most of the SpongeBob ones are for kids.

After watching five seasons of Six Feet Under in about two weeks and learning that it is possible to run over yourself with your own car, fall and poke your eye/brains out, and many other likely ways clumsy people like me can die, I thought it best to write a last will and testament.

The jolly man at the Brisbane GPO Post Office gave me the couples Will pack when I told him my sister and I were writing our legal wills together. He wasn't being strange or perverse, he was helping me to be a tight-ass. The couple's will pack contains two individual wills because even though you may be in a relationship you are still your own person. Who knew a simple Will pack could be so Oprah Winfrey about life?

It's kindda obvious who I'm going to leave my beloved Hyundai Getz car, dying laptop, "clown wardrobe" and sci-fi / fantasy books to - my blog is called Keep It In The Phamly after all. However, it just seems smart to put it down in writing because I also learned while watching Six Feet Under that if you don't tell people what you want, crazy relatives can do what they like or the law could dictate your farewell party. Oh, TV, I learn so much from you every day.

Little Sissy Pham and I are a bit obsessed with the Zynga game Hanging With Friends. It's hang man but with added rules and a virtual interface so you can verse one another. She usually kicks my butt because she uses her brain to play while I use impatience and chance to randomly guess letters. I believe if god wanted me to solve the word, he would have made me press the correct letters. It is safe for you to assume that I never studied religion because that is probably not how god works. He does not micro-manage computer games. Or does he?!?!

Even though this blog post falls in my Upgrade U recommendations, it is technically a downgrade. I have been unemployed for nearly four months. The last time I sat on the couch for this long was when I first finished university. The difference between then and now is I didn't have any bills or many keys on my keyring. In other words, growing up hadn't punched me in my young face yet.

This time I had a phone contract and even though I moved home to live with Dad Pham and Little Sissy Pham so wasn't paying rent I still had leftover household bills from Melbourne life and moving costs and new bedroom furniture costs because in my absence my old Brisbane room had become mouldy. Enough about grossness, more about Upgrading U! Though on a related note: in university I didn't wear make-up or use skin products - you were lucky if I wore deodorant so skincare was not part of my budget then.
I came across the Smartskin budget range of skincare on my journey to living within my means. Actually, I was walking to the checkout when I happened to see a pack of the Smartskin cleansing wipes in a bargain bin for only $1! It was on sale for half price, down from a whopping $2. The ones I got were scented, which I don't particularly like but I've since switched to one without fragrance. I also changed my Nivea Q10 cream over to the Smartskin Q10 because at approximately $5 it's about a third of the cost.

As far as I can tell with my limited and lazy research (I looked on the packet then googled the company name) Smartskin is made by the McPherson's Consumer Products who also produce Lady Jayne hair accessories and Manicare nail care - two brands that I use and trust. The cream and wipes feel good on my skin so I think I'm going to stick with the brand even though I am now officially employed again.  Another plus is the brand is available in Woolworths, where I have to go every few days because Dad Pham drinks about 6L of the store brand reduced fat milk every 3-4 days. There's also a Q10 Night Cream and Anti-Eye Wrinkle Cream from what I've seen on shelves.

UPDATE: I received a blog comment below from some one who had an allergic reaction to the Smartskin day cream. She has sensitive skin, so if you do too, please be careful and do a test spot to see if you're allergic before using the cream! Thanks. JP

Don't you hate friends and relatives who you only hear from they want something? I figure that's how Centrelink, Australia's welfare system, must feel about me. I came crying for help straight out of university, then when I was back on my feet they never heard from me again until I moved to Melbourne a couple of years later and needed more support. They didn't hear from me for a long time and probably assumed or prayed really hard that I was dead. But no, I moved back to Brisbane and - surprise, surprise, I rocked up on their doorstep again begging for money.

Most people complain about Centrelink and I understand why (it's every human being's conscious right to complain about being alive) but I'm just grateful there is a welfare system at all. Sure Centrelink has its kinks - like how they misspelled my name and address and while they have finally got my name right, my address is still incorrect after two attempts at getting it amended. Thankfully Australia Post know what Lorriktte means. There's also the 45-minute minimum wait each time I call or go into the office. At least I have good phone reception now and can play Hanging With Friends or Words With Friends while I wait. (Challenge me, my username is: jadestopthat! Exclamation mark included.)

The overall Centrelink experience has improved a lot since I was last on the dole about 5 years ago. The system's modernised so you can now lodge reports online, you get interviewed over the phone when you register and only need to drop into the office for a quick review of paperwork. In my local office they don't even have a reception desk - you wait for a short time in a queue and someone with a headset comes up, finds out what you're here for and if it can't be done online or over the phone (both tools provided in the office) they direct you to the waiting area to see someone in person.

I've been receiving the New Start Allowance for the third time in my life and it's been the most pleasant Centrelink experience I've ever had - mostly because they left me to my own devices to job hunt. Three months, a tonne of written applications and seven interviews later, I have found a new role in the area I want to move into. Starting tomorrow I will be a Web Content Producer for a Queensland government website. It will be informative, intelligent and useful to society unlike this silly blog, which is a complete and utter waste of webspace and readers' time!

Thank you Centrelink for my New Start. May we never speak again! Love, Jade.