KEEP IT IN THE PHAMLY

I received devastating news recently about an old friend who took her own life, and I've been struggling to process her death. So here I am writing my way through the sadness and shock. 

Scar was a beautiful human being inside and out. She was a few years younger than me but when we met I wanted to be like her when I grew up. She was bright, bold, welcoming, and loving. We crossed paths in our early 20s during my warehouse party era and she influenced shy, reserved me for the better. Scar helped me come out of my bubble with her daringly open ways in our formative years. We drifted apart when I moved away from Melbourne, but all my memories with her are warm and vibrant and happy. I find it hard to connect her effervescent aura with such a muted and lonely goodbye.

I had no idea she struggled with mental health and suicidal thoughts. I am shocked, but not surprised that I was oblivious because Scar carried herself with such strength and grace through life. I am horribly sad she chose to leave this world, and I wish life had been kinder to someone who made life more colourful and enjoyable for others. I hope she found the peace she was seeking, and I hope the family and friends she left behind will be OK. 

Tigger Pham was my first time cat parenting. Back then, if you didn't know something you went on not knowing because you couldn't Google it up. I never knew she was a tortoise shell tabby, I just called her splotchy browns if I had to describe her. We also didn't have an online microchip register with dropdown options to describe your cat's colouring.

When we transferred ownership over, I went in to rename her from Ray to Rei and spent an hour googling the history of cat breeds to define what she was and her colouring. I've concluded with my Google degree in Cat breeds that Rei is a pale ginger classic tabby with her marble swirls.

Along with her name change, I needed to get a new name tag and number. Even though - or rather, because we're raising her as an indoor cat, she won't be street smart so we want a collar with our contact details to help get her home safe. You know how I found her collar, right? I googled it up.

Rei is a teeny tiny kitten so I wanted a collar that is sleek and minimalist. At first I wanted a plastic name tag to make it lightweight but then I stumbled across Saangoh's embossed leather design on Etsy. After hours of online shopping, I kept coming back to these custom leather collars because they removed the need for a name tag and had the safety release in case Rei got her collar caught on something and choked.

Saangoh's leather collars come in a huge range of colours for the band and the bells. For Rei's pale ginger colour, I chose the natural leather with a silver bell because I wanted something subtle and classy for my little lady. It looks gorgeous on her! So very glad I came across Saangoh's cat collars, they're such a simple, practical yet elegant design.

I've been a cat lady without any cats for 5 years since I lost both my lifelong friend Tigger Pham and foster kitty Frederick, the Great a day apart. I lived with Nolan Pham for a while then went into the rental market for a few years. Now that Boyfriend Pham and I are settling into our first home, I've been thinking more and more about how it'd be a nice home for a Pham Pet. It's been one month to the day since we got Rei Pham. 

Rei came to us in a series of fortunately, unfortunate events. After she became lost and squatted on Somebody's porch, Somebody left her there for a few days to see if she'd find her way home. She did not so Somebody took Rei into work. At work, Boyfriend Pham's family took her home when nobody else, not even the local RSPCA, could take her in. 

That weekend they had plans to visit family in Brisbane and Rei was too young to be left at home alone so they took her along for the weekend. They tried to rehome her at their sister's but the sister's partner said no deal! So on their way home, they still had Rei with them when they pit stopped to visit us. As they walked through the door, they asked if I was allergic to cats. I replied, 'No, actually, we were talking about getting a cat the other day.' His face lit up. His friend was visiting this week and deathly allergic to cats so how about we keep Rei for a week to catsit and trial her? See if we were her furever Phamly. We are.

She was timid for about a minute on her first night with us as she explored the house. Day 2 was playful fun. Day 3 she gained confidence to try more things. Day 4 she was strutting around like she owned the place. We knew then she was happy here, and let Boyfriend Pham's family know she wanted to keep us as her humans.

Rei has been multiple variations of her final name in her short few months of life. First, she was Reirei from The Lion King to match Boyfriend Pham's other pets Nala and Simba. But when they went to microchip her, they felt Reirei was tricky so she officially became Ray...for a week before I renamed her Rei after Rei Ayanami, the First Child in the Evangelion anime series. So, hello World, meet Rei! The First Child of Boyfriend Pham and me. She's settled in just fiiinnneee.

Never underestimate the power of a good date night. I have friends who are quietly going insane juggling family and work life. While they understand why their partners don't take them out on dates because the exhaustion of raising little humans and the logistics of getting a babysitter makes it extra hard; they can't help feeling frustrated. Part of me thinks: yeah, it's too hard basket to plan a date day or night. Part of me thinks: make a frikkin' effort to show someone you appreciate them. Part of me wonders if it's because their partners don't understand how much date nights may mean to their significant other. Quality time can be important and invaluable to a happy relationship. It doesn't need to be a regular thing, but it should probably be a sometimes, special occasion thing.

Boyfriend Pham and I don't have set date night - that's too much commitment for us. We have gym nights, basketball nights, girls nights, boys nights, niece nights... That's enough regular nights for one couple, don't you think? When we do have a day or night out together on weekends or after work, we make sure to appreciate the quality time. No phones, no social media numbing scrolls, no games. We focus on each other. It's easy to get bogged down in your day to day routines, and go through the motions of life without the e-motions that connected you in the first place. If we do start our own Phamly, I want to make sure we carve out time just for ourselves. Please hold me accountable when the time comes if I forget. I do have a habit of viewing the world how it should be and not how it is.

Guys and gals, if you haven't taken your partner out for a while... or ever, why don't you organise a date night? 

My HealthMate tracker bummed me out when it sent me a summary of 2020 stats compared to my 2019 activity. I had a very inactive last year. Lockdown, gym closures and every city dwellers' reality on and off these days.

My body punished me for my inactivity by locking up my lower back. It wasn't a fun way to spend Xmas break but it did force me to pay more attention to my physical health.

Dat Pham (no relation) at Northwest Physio was able to get my back back on track after only a few sessions. Once I had more movement in my body, he gave me a bunch of core strength exercises to make me stronger and more flexible. Basically, he doesn't want to see me much so the best way to do that is to make me fitter.

I've been doing my physio exercises at the gym and less of the deadlifts, squats and other weightlifting exercises I used to focus on solely. Gotta listen to my body more, and it wants more stretch and less strain this year. 

When I was a teen, Mum Pham took me to get my ears pierced at a pharmacy. They used one of those guns and my ears got terribly infected so I took out the earrings and let the holes close up. It's a shame - Mum was excited for me to wear these cute gold earrings she had from when she was little. I don't know where they are now. I guess she either pawned them or gave them away because I never saw them after that. When I was in my early 20s in Melbourne, I went to Off Ya Tree in the CBD and got my ears pierced with a needle. I bled for a couple of days but my ear holes eventually healed. It was so long ago, I can't remember whether I took forever to heal like I'm doing now.

15 years later, and those ear holes that used to be in the centre of my ear lobe now sat much further down than they did. I don't know whether ear cartilage keeps growing or if it's gravity playing its part (if anyone knows for sure, please shed some light because Dr. Google says it's both myth and fact that your ears and nose keep growing and I don't know what to believe). Either way, my ear lobes are bigger and longer and I didn't like how much empty lobe there was so I decided to get new ear holes.

I went to Unicorn Piercings at Toombul to get stabbed by an eccentric girl who used to work at Off Ya Tree (in Brisbane, not Melbourne). She distracted me with tales of her frozen dead pets and dreams of taxidermy and bone jewellery so I wasn't thinking about her poking holes in my body. I wish I'd thought to ask her if earlobes keep growing or if it's gravity dragging them down. Instead, I asked her why I bleed so much from my ear lobes because this time, again, I instantly started dripping blood. She theorised I had lots of capillaries in my earlobes because they're so "big and squishy."

It's been 6 weeks now and my ears still haven't completely healed. The bleeding stopped after a few weeks, but every now and then I still see a bit of blood in the puss or crusty mucus I clean off. I'm hoping my ear holes will finish healing in another month or so and I can start wearing the cute earrings I've started hoarding. And I hope they last me another 15 years before I feel the desire to poke two more holes in my lobes because they've gotten even longer. 

Since moving house I’ve been working to walk, and walking to work. Everyone thinks that’s great, but most of my friendship circle live in cooler climates where a 15-minute morning walk is not a stuffy, sweaty, burny form of self-torture. I suppose I could drive the 2 minutes to work, but because a colleague remarked that I probably wouldn’t keep up the walks during peak summer heat, I am of course going to keep walking all summer long to spite them.

I’ve been trying to find ways to make it work and a $32 UPF 50 umbrella is the best investment I’ve made towards proving my work colleague wrong. It not only blocks 98% of ultraviolet rays, it also provides shade with its blackout fabric and stops my skin from feeling like it’s burning under my SPF50+ sunscreens. Also, it looks bloody awesome with its silver top, black underside and rose gold frame. I love it.

I still arrive at work a sweaty mess because of the humidity, but I leave a folding fan on my desk to help evaporate the sweat. And I haven’t resorted to this yet, because peak summer heat hasn't hit, but a neighbour and colleague who also walks to work recommends getting an iced coffee to make it better. I will take him up on the icy drink, though mine will likely be iced water in my trusty insulated Contigo travel mug.

Wish me luck with keeping up the walks to work despite my colleague of little faith.