KEEP IT IN THE PHAMLY

Baby Pham made a dramatic entrance into the world. We went to our usual fortnightly midwife check-in appointment two days before his due date. I described how he wasn't kicking as much as he used to. The midwife said it was a myth that babies kick less at the end of pregnancy due to them being bigger with less space and called the hospital to let them know I was coming in for a CTG to check baby's heart rate as a precaution. 

Boyfriend Pham and I went home, ate lunch, packed a short stay bag and my hospital bag just in case, though we were pretty sure the CTG would show Baby was fine so weren't worried. 

We get to the obstetrics review centre and I get strapped to the machine. Baby Pham's heart rate is going wild. After a while, the doctors come in and say we have to induce because the CTG shows baby is not doing well. 

Boyfriend and I are left to process this information. We come to terms with inducing labour that day and then the senior doctor came in and said we needed an emergency c-section because his heart rate being elevated for over an hour indicated he was in distress. I burst into tears. Everything escalated so quickly in the space of 45 minutes. 

I'm worried about baby and I'm shocked that my precautionary visit now means medical interventions and I won't have the vaginal birth I'd wanted for my bub. Boyfriend and I were again left to come to terms with our birth plan changing while the medical staff got ready to prep both of us for surgery. 

I was stripped for surgery and shaved then rolled to the waiting area for surgery. A planned c-section mum and dad were in the next bay and I felt awful that I couldn't stop crying and probably stressing them out. Boyfriend was put in scrubs and our bags stored elsewhere. 

In the prep room attached to the operating theatre, we met with the anaesthetist team who talked us through the spinal block. They explained to Boyfriend that he would stay in the prep room while they did the spinal block but he'd be able to see it from across the room. I'm assuming some partners freak the fudge out seeing the spinal block go in.  

Then as the nurse was about to wheel me into the theatre, the senior doctor said she wanted to wait a few minutes to give baby time to demonstrate whether he was ok or needed out. The second CTG they attached to me in the prep room showed he was calm and cool as a cucumber. A picture perfect, steady heart rate. I couldn't believe it.   

I am so grateful to that doctor for deciding to call off the surgery since baby was no longer in distress. Everyone was there and ready to operate - costing hospital time and money, but she kept her word and didn't push ahead when the emergency c-section wasn't needed. Especially since I had a strong preference for vaginal birth. 

New plan. I went back to the obstetrics centre and had a third CTG which again showed baby was ok. That said the original issue of his reduced movements in my womb was still the main reason we were in hospital. So another doctor recommended we induce that night and we agreed. However, the birthing suite team were too busy and they couldn't get to me so instead Boyfriend Pham was sent home to rest, and I stayed a night in the maternity ward with a bunch of new mums while I waited to join their club in the morning. 

Our fertility and pregnancy experience

At time of writing a couple months ago, I have finished work and started 12-months of parental leave. Possibly one of my favourite updates to my LinkedIn profile was adding my career break to become a parent. I am now counting down the days until I meet Baby Pham. You'd think not working and having free time for yourself would be a dream come true...

The reality is I'm too big to move about freely. I am uncomfortable sitting on the couch, laying on the bed, standing for too long, sitting on a gym ball too long. My body is running hot with the extra blood and tiny human kicking around inside me. Doing basic chores around the house leaves me covered in sweat. Essentially, being awake or asleep is a struggle especially in the Brisbane heat waves and extreme humidity. 

Little Sissy Pham got caught out because her baby arrived on time and she was expecting him to be late because everyone kept telling her your firstborn is always late. She didn't prep any meals. 

I spent the few days I had on maternity leave dreaming of the end of my gestational diabetes diet. I made a wish list of all the foods I'd eat once baby and placenta were out of my body. I also prepped some frozen meals. Luckily I learned from Little Sissy's experience because my Baby Pham made a dramatic, early entrance to the world. A check-in with the midwife the week I was due spiralled into a trip to the hospital and a wild rollercoaster until Bub arrived. More on that next blog.  

Our fertility and pregnancy experience

Last time this orange dress fit.

Around Week 28 at the start of Trimester 3, I had to admit defeat and start retiring my regular wardrobe. I am pretty much exclusively wearing maternity clothes to accommodate the bulging belly for my last 4-6 weeks of pregnancy. Being frugal me, I have tried to keep my maternity wardrobe to a minimum. I want to spend as little as possible on maternity wear because it's only used for a short period in the scheme of things.

I outgrew my work skirts at the start of Trimester 2 and got away with wearing regular tops with these brilliant, bargain-priced Kmart skirts with elasticated waistlines. They were only $25 each and gave me a good 4 months of almost daily wear. However, now my belly is huge I cannot stand having anything on my waist - it's floppy maternity dresses only from here on in. I also bummed around the house in their maternity bike shorts for a while too. 

Elasticated waists for the win!

H&M has a big range of affordable maternity wear called MAMA. The cheaper end of the catalogue has no-frills but comfortable designs, though you can get some dressier items too if you prefer. I browsed the many maternity wear stores but they're expensive for items I may only wear for a month so I opted for cheap, fast fashion for now. 

To try and extend the life of my maternity items, I've looked for dresses where you can free the boobs for breastfeeding so I can continue to wear them after birth. Although I plan to breastfeed there's no guarantee that I will be able to (Mum Pham formula-fed all Pham siblings, and many mums struggle to get milk supply up long-term) so I also don't want to stock up on too many breast-feeding friendly clothes until I know I can breastfeed long-term.

In short, some mornings you'll find me walking around the house half-naked to get freshly washed maternity clothes off the drying rack because I've kept my items to a minimum and if I slack off even for a day or two with laundry I run out of comfy clothes to wear.

Last day in my beloved Beauty & the Beast dress

Our fertility and pregnancy experience

There are so many wonderful things about pregnancy. I wish I had experienced some of them. Unfortunately, I don't carry pregnancy well. In addition to sciatica and gestational diabetes, I started getting cankles at the end of Trimester 1 when a lot of women only start to experience it towards the end of their pregnancy.

I have lived in compression socks for nearly half a year. Doesn't sound so bad until you realise I'm in sunny and humid Brisbane and am having a summer baby and 2023 decided to end the year with a heatwave followed by wild summer storms and 90-something percent humidity day and night. The end of my pregnancy has been a form of heat torture due to the raging hormones and excess blood in my system.

On the upside, I got some really good quality compression socks from a local company on the Gold Coast called Funky Sock Co. I got a 3-pack of funky designs for fun, and then a 3-pack of neutrals (black, white, nude) for work.

I got a cheap pack of socks before finding Funky Sock Co, and they were OK but weren't as firm as I needed. You get what you pay for. Funky Sock Co has an excellent compression progression from the top to the bottom of the sock. On my bloatier days, I need Boyfriend Pham to help remove my Funky Socks at the end of the day and miraculously, my ankles have not become cankles.

I highly recommend Funky Sock Co to any mummas-to-be. https://www.funkysockco.com.au/

Our fertility and pregnancy experience

After my pale and pasty phase of early pregnancy in Trimester 1 where I looked sickly and ready to pass out at any moment, people started commenting on my glow in Trimester 2 even when they didn't know I was pregnant.

I don't remember Little Sissy Pham glowing during her pregnancy, so much as whinging constantly about all the bodily changes and challenges. And I have been the same. I have not felt healthy and glowing at any point during my pregnancy. I do wonder if it's because gestational diabetes put a dampener on Trimester 2 or my sciatica shooting burning pain through both thighs, or my pelvis giving me lower back pain. I was seeing my hospital team and a private physio frequently in Trimester 2 to sort my body out. I imagine women who love being pregnant during Trimester 2 are basking in pregnancy hormones levelling out after a nauseating Trimester 1 and enjoying their cute baby bump. I am not one of these women.

I did notice my outward glow, but I am certain it's the 2L-3L extra blood flowing through my struggling veins that makes me glow. I am hot and flushed and uncomfortable on the inside; the heat is radiating out of my flushed cheeks. To give context on how hot I run, I am usually the one with cold feet and hands in our relationship but these days I sleep naked on top of the sheets with the aircon on while Boyfriend Pham sleeps in pyjamas under 2-3 layers of sheets and blankets. Silver lining: I don't need to get maternity pyjamas once my belly outgrows my regular PJs since I can't stand wearing anything in bed - the 4 pillows I use to support my body and legs generate too much heat as it is. I'm also wearing compression socks during the days (yes, in Brisbane's summer heat) because the excess blood and fluids gather at my ankles throughout the day if I don't wear socks.

On the inside, my iron levels are dropping/spreading too thin so I am taking iron supplements that make me even more constipated because baby is growing and pressing on my intestines. The muscle-relaxing hormones that make it possible for my pelvis and belly to expand to house a growing baby have also relaxed my digestive system. I have to take magnesium supplements and rub magnesium oil into my calves before bed to try and prevent painful leg cramps waking me up at night. I no longer sleep through the night because I need to wake up and pee at least once or twice a night with baby pressing down on my bladder.

What I'm trying to say is pregnancy glow is surface-level, what's below the surface is a body adapting to lots of changes and challenges. So, yeah, thanks for the compliments, I may look good but I feel like crap. 

Our fertility and pregnancy experience

I don't tell the truth because I want to. I tell the truth because I am a terrible liar, and I know it. I wanted to keep my pregnancy private in Trimester 1 since it's the first time I've been pregnant, and while it wasn't an IVF baby it was an IVF hormones-supported baby so I didn't know if my body would keep up the pregnancy hormones naturally. In short, I didn't want to tell work colleagues in case I miscarried then I'd have to have sad conversations at work.

Typical of me, I caved and told my boss the truth at Week 9 because I kept calling in sick and, well, when I had 'food poisoning' for the third time in two weeks, I decided it was best to confess it was morning sickness and not me making repeated, bad life decisions. He kept my news confidential as requested (he's better at keeping my secret than me), apart from telling his partner. They both already knew I had started fertility treatment earlier in the year.

Anyway, Boss and I agreed that I would host a team quiz and surprise the gang with my news further along in my pregnancy. However, quiz day is Wednesdays and the week I intended to share my news, was EKKA holiday in Brisbane. It's a local public holiday where different pockets of Brisbane and surrounding regions are given a weekday off to look at farm animals at the showgrounds. EKKA is short for Agricultural Exhibition because we're lazy folk who like to shorten all words until they're not recognisable.

The following Wednesday I hosted the quiz but because the teams took so long to answer each question, we ran over time. I spent the whole day sucking in my gut whenever I walked about the office or holding my bag in front of me when walking in or out of the elevator. I don't know how people didn't notice. I was so uncomfortable in my regular clothes by the end. Pictured is the last day I was able to fit into this skirt because it pinched my belly so hard that I found it hard to breathe.

By the third week of trying to surprise my team, I was so big in the belly bump I stopped going into the office because it would ruin the reveal. It was a great relief when I finally shared my happy news and could start wearing maternity skirts with elasticated waistbands (Kmart maternity for the win!) to the office. I am glad to report people were very surprised, and those who saw my belly in person were shocked they hadn't noticed. Sucking in the gut and holding props in front of your belly like you're on a sitcom works a treat!

Our fertility and pregnancy experience

When people find out I'm pregnant, there are one of two questions they will ask first:

1. When is baby due?
2. Do you know what you're having?
   
   

Do you know what you're having?
I know I'm having a human baby that has all its limbs, heart chambers, two kidneys and lungs. I hope it's a healthy baby that has all its senses and brain functions, but I won't know for weeks after I meet them on the outside of my belly.

As for Baby's sex, Boyfriend Pham and I aren't precious about it, which is good because the way we learned our baby's sex was unconventional. My GP doctor, bless him, is not a pre-natal specialist. He didn't even know the process for Non-invasive prenatal testing (NIPT); I educated him on this blood test since the company I work for offers them. With NIPTs, you have an optional tickbox to request the lab check the DNA for gender. I thought I'd learn baby's sex with Boyfriend Pham when we went for results. Not so. In reality, I learned Baby Pham's gender while Boyfriend Pham was in Melbourne visiting friends. My doctor texted me a photo of his computer screen with my NIPT results with the message "Mother of a boy--- C-O-N-G-R-A-T-S."

I had just woken up from a nap on Friday night after work. I was sad Boyfriend Pham didn't get to learn at the same time as me. I called him straight away and interrupted his game of Dungeons & Dragons to see if he wanted to know the baby's sex. He said, "Oh - okay...? Yeah." So I told him and he shared it with his friends who cheered in the background. They were shocked that you can casually find out your baby's gender on a Friday night. 

I had enough trouble keeping my pregnancy a secret from the work crew during the first trimester, I couldn't be bothered keeping more secrets after I could finally talk about it so the closest I got to a gender reveal 'event' was getting the work crew to guess what I was having.

I hosted a team quiz where I revealed I was pregnant and got the team to guess whether I was having a Barbie or a Ken. As much I adore Ryan Gosling's Ken, our baby will look more like a Simu Liu Ken since neither Boyfriend Pham or I are blonde and blue-eyed.

Our fertility and pregnancy experience