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KEEP IT IN THE PHAMLY



Little Sissy Pham and I are very same-same but different. So when Google Photos' face couldn't figure out if we were the same person in our baby photos it got me thinking...

Little Sissy Pham was an accident. Mum Pham and Dad Pham made her 2 months after I was born. I, on the other hand, was planned. And by 'planned' I mean Mum Pham gave up on her dream of being a pharmacist because re-learning everything again in German and working under racist employers was not for her. Instead, she went off the pill and made another baby: me! So while Little Sissy is a happy accident, I am a symbol of a refugee woman's defeat.

Despite our different reasons for being, we had the same lives growing up and are pretty much the same person. Well, in our values and principles. On paper, we aren't alike at all. She's a homeowner who's worked in the public service since forever and has a consistent personal style - I can pick things up in a shop and say, 'This is very you.' I chop and change constantly - rental homes, jobs and personal style.

But our calm energy and the positive vibes we give off are very similar. So similar in fact that even though we don't look alike - I take after Mum, she takes after Dad - people often mistake us for one another. And I don't think it's a casual racist thing; well, not all of the time.

Being less than a year apart, we are super close. We have the same sense of humour and sometimes our in-jokes carry on so long we don't even remember where they originated. We have lived in different cities but always emailed and messaged to stay in each other's lives. Then when we both ended back in Brisbane, we lived at home together, then moved out together, and commuted to work together, and would meet for lunch when we both worked in the city, and timed our exits to catch the same bus home together.

So to answer your question, Google Photos, we are the same person even though we're different people.


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There are two main things I remember about The Phamly's move from Melbourne to Brisbane. The first is I had to give up my upright piano because it made more financial sense to sell it to pay to help move the rest of the household than to pay even more to move the heavy item. Adult me now sees why my parents decided to sell it, but at the time teen me was very emotional and upset, and swore to never play piano again. What a little shit I was, I've since forgotten most of my piano training.

The other thing I remember because we repeated the story so often because it's hilarious. We caught the train from Melbourne to Brisbane because back then air travel was way more expensive compared to land travel. On the ride, Mum Pham sat next to Big Brother Pham and I was seated next to Little Sissy Pham. At a train stop in rural NSW she got up to go to the toilet. Being the responsible, caring sister that I am, I flopped over into her seat and promptly fell asleep.

Next thing I know, I wake up because the train has stopped and there's a fuss up ahead where policemen have come onboard our carriage. They start walking down the aisle and everyone is confused wondering what the hell is going on. When the cops stop at Mum Pham, the expression on her face is priceless. I've never seen someone look so shocked yet guilty. Unbeknownst to everyone else there are cats on the train. Our cats.

We smuggled Cuddles and Tigger Pham onto the train in our carry-on because no way was my immigrant mother paying to fly these furballs to Brisbane and no way was this attached teen letting her give our cats away. We cut off the top of a rectangle laundry basket and placed it inside a black bag, and our petrified kitties huddled in there quietly for most of the ride. At one point Cuddles, the braver of the two crawled out while we were both sleeping and was walking about. Little Sissy caught her before anyone else noticed.

Had someone in fact seen? Had they reported us to the authorities? How much trouble were we in if the police was involved? All this was racing through Mum Pham's head when she was looking up at the cops who had asked for her by name.

To her great relief, they didn't know about the cats. They were on the train to return her youngest daughter who had sleep walked off the train in regional NSW with no home address or forwarding phone number because we had left our old house, and nobody thought to give us kids the new address or contact details for Brisbane because we didn't plan on anyone getting lost off the train.

Mum Pham aged a couple of years that night and Little Sissy Pham was so traumatised she never sleep walked again after that night. Tune in next time for the saga that was returning Little Sissy Pham to the train. That's another entertaining story for some regional file, not so much for Little Sissy Pham.



- THE END -

If you want to start from the beginning of Phamly history, read:
Part 1 - O Captain! My Captain! Dad Pham's navy days during the Vietnam War.
Part 2 - P.O.W. Viet Cong Re-education Camp Dad Pham's time as a prisoner of war.
Part 3 - Living with Viet Cong Mum Pham's experience with communism.
Part 4 - Boat People Dad Pham seeks refuge after the war.
Part 5 - Finding Faith Dad finds peace.
Part 6 - When Herr met Frau - Dad Pham meets Mum Pham.
Part 7 - Life in Germany: the early years - Dad Pham sets up life in Germany.
Part 8 - Life in Germany: the later years - Dad gets sick, Mum steps up.
Part 9 - Getting ready for Australia - Mum Pham is on a mission.
Part 10 - Coming to Australia - My first memories of Australia.
Part 11 - Live in Brisbane the first time - The story of why we left Brisbane.
Part 12 - Moving to Melbourne - First impressions.
Part 13 - Life in Melbourne - Dad Pham - The good old days.
Part 14 - The Other Phams - Our neighbours in Melbourne were Phams too.
Part 15 - Life in Melbourne - Mum Pham - Our Sunday Phamly traditions began in Melbourne.
Part 16 - Cats On A Train - Moving to Brisbane
Part 17 - Sleepwalking Scare - Moving to Brisbane continued
Part 18 - A House in Brisbane - Moving to Brisbane continued some more
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I visit Mum's grave in Melbourne whenever I am in town and have car to drive out west to lay flowers and pray to her. Mum was never big on flowers, but leaving food there to rot is against the rules and also just wrong. The memorial garden is peaceful and well-maintained. Flowers that begin to die are removed by the groundskeepers so the cemetery is kept nice and fresh for grieving visitors.

I make the trip and lay the flowers to show my respects, but I don't feel connected to Mum in the graveyard. I feel connected to her when I find myself standing with my hand on my hip while I stir food in the stove like she used to. I feel connected when I wash my face in the morning and glimpse myself in the mirror looking like Mum Pham - except that she looks a bit blind because she can't see much when she takes her glasses off to wash her face, whereas my LASIK laser eyes are tired from not enough sleep.

I feel connected to Mum on Mother's Day when we celebrate with Dad Pham because it always falls near his birthday. This year it happened to be his birthday. We celebrated by making Dad one of his favourite dishes - bánh cuốn. But then because he'd spent his morning mopping the kitchen for Phamly feast, he was fast asleep before we got to dessert. That's OK, I'll be back this weekend for our tradition of sleepovers, and 5am wake up calls for the Eurovision Finale.


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I used to dress like a toddler's dream in glittery rainbow unicorn everything. Anything bright, colourful and shiny that caught my eye would join my wardrobe. Essentially, I dressed like I was destined to visit the Unicorn Store, and sometimes I still do but usually only on weekends. Last year my preferences changed so I went through a movie maker to make my colours less crazy, and more subtle.

After 30+ years on earth I wanted to dress more my age in the office. I mean, they say to dress the part and my part is no longer new kid on the block, I'm in a senior role because I got old and gained experience. Suddenly I'm in a position where I don't feel comfortable wearing short Garfield dresses or fruity tops and bottoms or fruit in general to work.

This change was also spurred by watching my boyfriend go to a new job looking sharp in dress pants and a button-up every day. There's something nice about looking smart. Then when he got a work uniform, seeing him come home and change into his casual clothes to relax was also very appealing. I haven't really had that separation between work me and home me for most of my life because I've worked in street fashion and music where casual clothes is the uniform. Most people probably wish they could be more themselves at work. Me? I wish I was less homely at work.

These days I've added clean lines, simpler patterns, and solid colours to my work wardrobe. I found a nicely cut, plain dress that I bought in three colourways that I call my 'work uniform.' And have some mix and match tops and skirts so I don't always wear the same outfit to work. I still get the urge to buy bright colours, clashing prints and crazy patterns but when I do, I remind myself I barely wear my current unicorn clothes anymore. Movie makeovers don't happen overnight but they do happen. For me, it took about 6 months to slowly gather work wardrobe staples until one day I realised I hadn't dressed like a kid at work in weeks. Look at me... finally growing up.

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I find social media to be quite social, and not dehumanising like naysayers say. Unless it's Tinder and I don't understand why people are so weird and gross. I guess it's because I use social media to connect with people, and see what they share about their lives instead of, you know, trolling strangers because I am unhappy with myself, feel disconnected from humanity, and lack the community that humans evolved from.

I've stayed in touch with interstate friends who I probably would have lost touch with over time. I see their latest life updates so I don't feel like I'm completely out of the loop the next time we catch up in person. I've reconnected with some awesome people I had lost touch with like The Other Phams. They wouldn't have found me otherwise, especially since I legally acquired an English first name since leaving school.

I've gotten jobs from LinkedIn and Facebook. I've hired from Twitter and Instagram. I got my current job via a Facebook status asking for job leads. I ended up meeting with the CEO and two department heads, then they created a role to suit my skills, and over 3.5 years later this is the longest I've stayed in anyone role.

I date a Perth boy so his friends and family got to know me through Facebook, Instagram and FaceTime long before I met many of them in person. We'd been living together for months by the time I met his parents. This Easter I went to Perth mainly to meet Rex, his brother the cutest and fluffiest German shepherd; but also to meet the many faces I've seen online for over a year. Social media is a good starting point but it's always nice to take life offline sometimes to add real friends.
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Mum Pham's side of the Phamly are mostly in Melbourne. Whenever I'm back in town, I try to visit my Aunty in Sunshine because it's a trip we did every Sunday with Mum and Dad Pham. Two buses, the 402 from Kensington to Footscray, then the 220 or 410 to Sunshine. Now that I'm all grown up, live comfortably above the poverty line, and have more confidence on the road than I should, I roll up in a fully insured rental car.

Back in the day, my Auntie's house was full. Another aunty and uncle lived there with their family of three. My cousins were in their 20s then and setting up their lives. Then on Sundays Uncle 10 and his family of three, and another cousin with his family of four. The Phamly feasts we have now are nothing on the triple table spread Aunty had in her kitchen.

Us kids would play in the backyard - roller skating, hopscotch, ball games; help pluck herbs in the giant herb garden; pick fruit from the fruit trees, or play tag running circles inside the house. Then whenever our piano teaching cousin had free time, he'd give each of Phamlings a piano lesson.

I never asked Mum Pham if she enjoyed living in Melbourne, but I imagine she would have even though that was when our Phamly struggled to stay above the poverty line. Mum lived for Phamly, she moved away for her own Phamly but she would have thrived being so close to her sisters and brother.

These days, everyone is grown up and spread out. Some have passed away. The big feasts are a thing of the past. Now are visits are quiet, civilised chats over a meal or three. Aunty catches us up on the last year or years of life in Melbourne, and we catch her up on Queensland relatives. Aunty always makes my favourite che dau trang (a sweet rice, black eyed peas and coconut dessert), and regrets that I am vegetarian. "Such a waste." Little Sissy Pham gets a delicious beef noodle salad. There's no such thing as a Phamly catch up without food.


- THE END -

If you want to start from the beginning of Phamly history, read:
Part 1 - O Captain! My Captain! Dad Pham's navy days during the Vietnam War.
Part 2 - P.O.W. Viet Cong Re-education Camp Dad Pham's time as a prisoner of war.
Part 3 - Living with Viet Cong Mum Pham's experience with communism.
Part 4 - Boat People Dad Pham seeks refuge after the war.
Part 5 - Finding Faith Dad finds peace.
Part 6 - When Herr met Frau - Dad Pham meets Mum Pham.
Part 7 - Life in Germany: the early years - Dad Pham sets up life in Germany.
Part 8 - Life in Germany: the later years - Dad gets sick, Mum steps up.
Part 9 - Getting ready for Australia - Mum Pham is on a mission.
Part 10 - Coming to Australia - My first memories of Australia.
Part 11 - Live in Brisbane the first time - The story of why we left Brisbane.
Part 12 - Moving to Melbourne - First impressions.
Part 13 - Life in Melbourne - Dad Pham - The good old days.
Part 14 - The Other Phams - Our neighbours in Melbourne were Phams too.
Part 15 - Life in Melbourne - Mum Pham - Our Sunday Phamly traditions began in Melbourne.
Part 16 - Cats On A Train - Moving to Brisbane
Part 17 - Sleepwalking Scare - Moving to Brisbane continued
Part 18 - A House in Brisbane - Moving to Brisbane continued some more
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You guys I am such a grown up now. This year at Not So Single Ladies Galentine's Day, we went to a fancy restaurant and by fancy I mean I didn't wear sneakers.

We went for a lovely dinner at Persone in the city where I felt out of place because I'm a child of poor refugees, and tend to save my money, not eat it - so my thoughts went something like this: Should my bum be allowed on this luscious lounge? This cloth napkin is too nice to sully, I'll wipe my mouth on the tissues in the my bag. Does anybody know what cutlery should be used first? Is it weird to ask to take the balloon heart on our table? We totally took the heart on the table.

Even though Persone has fancy interior and brilliant view of the cityscape, it's affordable for the quality of food you get, and the decor. We wined and dined, and watched the awkward, or quiet, or bored dates around us. The only other table who seemed to have fun was a big group of men and one lady who seemed like an office party. Gosh, Valentine's Day is a sham.

The one time a year men feel obliged to treat their ladies special by taking them to a nice Italian restaurant, and playing on their phones or sitting in silence. One hetero and one gay couple seemed to enjoy the experience and their partners that night. The rest of the tables in our view were a little depressing.

I like that my boyfriend could not give a shit about a commercial holiday. I like that I don't spend Valentine's Day on forced dates. I instead surround myself with the strong, funny and intelligent women in my life and we catch up on each other's wins and hurdles, and most hilarious stories since we last all caught up on Galentine's Day. Cheers to another year gal pals. Love you long time.


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  1. brisbane redlight district - yeah... i'm sorry to disappoint whoever landed on my blog through this search.
  2. vietnamese sissy - sorry I keep misleading peeps with my sister's nickname.
  3. potato chip tree - someone actually googled this?
  4. william pham dentist - oh yay! our beloved dentist is being google stalked! highly recommend!
  5. what is a pham sissy - I'm afraid to google this myself.
  6. . - I don't know how someone got to my site searching a full stop but OK. Period.
  7. amy pham nude - I haven't googled this to see what results come up, but I'm guessing Amy is a fabulous naked hottie so they would have been disappointed to find frumpy ol' me.
  8. accidentally drank betadine - oh bro, same.
  9. quitter - ...hey! I'm stubborn as hell. I should quit when I don't. How'd this lead to my blog?

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I don't give gifts because I want or expect gifts back, but other people's social guilt has delivered some excellent return or retaliation gifts. During our team break up lunch over Xmas, the Work Pham surprised me with two photo mugs.

The sneaky bastards had gotten our social media gal to lie about taking behind the scenes pics for a story when she snapped us playing Uno on one of our daily brain-breaks. While I feel betrayed and will never trust anyone at work again, they couldn't have gotten a pod photo otherwise. The thought counts for something I suppose.

The second mug is my favourite though. Instead of lying to my face, they hid behind my back. They waited until I was away from my desk and window that looked on onto the park so I wouldn't see them out there wearing matching outfits doing a photoshoot on the swings in the playground. The shoot went exceedingly well. Now, whenever I make a cup of tea or coffee, I see their gleeful faces smiling at me. It's going to be sad when we boot one of the guys out of our pod because my team's expanding. But at least I have something to remember him by. And also, I will see him over the divider.
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I'm a feminist but I bought lipstick that doesn't transfer because my boyfriend told me to. Well, he told me about them after yet another smooch left us both looking like clowns.

I didn't really have a need for lip colour that won't budge before now because you don't smooch much when you're single and failing at online dating. Also, I only got into bold lips since I traveled Europe and saw so many glamourous ladies walking along cobbled streets in their heels in chic outfits and perfect make up. And I thought to myself, there's no way in hell I'll wear heels every day, but makeup I can do.

Stila Stay All Day Liquid Lipstick is the bomb. The pigments are gorgeous and the colour stays put during my morning coffee, Voost, and protein shake. For darker shades like Vino I always reapply after lunch because I find just touching up can look splotchy. For lighter shades like my go-to nude FIA, sometimes I get away with not reapplying all day - and only need a touch up if my lunch is greasy.

I find the matte formula drying, and I wish it didn't accentuate the wrinkles in my lips, but I still love the overall look of matte colour. If anyone knows of matte lippy that doesn't dry your lips or transfer colour please hit this sister up.

I've only tried one brand so far so can't give you a comparison, but I bought a set of six minis in a limited edition gift set over Xmas. I work in a fashion office with trendy kids who live and breathe fashion, and they always compliment every new Stila lip shade I try. It's just a very flattering range.

Stila Stay All Day Liquid Lipstick in Fia.



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