KEEP IT IN THE PHAMLY

One thing I do often is have hair-brained ideas that I follow through much to my Phamly's amusement. Oh well, I'd rather try than die wondering though it's an expensive way to live - e.g. the cherry red bicycle collecting spider webs in the backyard, the rollerkates collecting dust in the corner of my room or the guitar I gave to my cousin. It doesn't always end in tragedy, though.

Like when I  tried a class of Zumba. I was ultra-unco and skipped practically every second move in the routines to keep up with the beat but it was SO much fun! It turned out to be another failed hair-brained idea seeing as how I've only attended that one class in two months.

The happy ending is I had every intention to keep it up so I went and found appropriate footwear for a gym classroom. As always, I try to talk myself into buying something sensible and to blend in with the normal people but, no, of course as soon as I set foot in the New Balance outlet store on Smith Street in Collingwood I made a bee-line for the brightest pair of runners in the store. Hello, New Balance Disco Runners! Look how amazing they are!

Hello world, there's a lot of advertising around for breath mints and chewing gums and tooth and mouth cleaning products but what about the promotion of bad breath? I'm going to do my part to help balance out the universe by sharing Mum Pham's Fish Sauce Mix recipe.

 Fishy version

• 1 cup fish sauce 
• 1 cup sugar 
• 2 cups boiled water (dissolve the sugar in the boiled water) 
• 1/4 white vinegar 
• 1/4 lemon juice 
• 2-3 cloves of garlic, crushed/finely diced 
• Finely diced fresh chilli optional! 

Faux-fish version (fancy-speak for vegetarian)

• 1 tablespoon salt 
• 1 cup sugar 
• 2 cups boiled water (dissolve the sugar in the boiled water) 
• 1/4 white vinegar 
• 1/4 lemon juice 
• 2-3 cloves of garlic, crushed/finely diced 
• 1 drop of yellow colouring 
• Finely diced fresh chilli optional! 

Mix it all together and it's best left overnight or for at least a few hours before serving so the garlic has time to work its magic on the mix. Enjoy!

Sadly, my rainbow swirl Speedos are dead. The elastic had rotten in my one year hiatus from the pool so last weekend I took a stroll down to Swimwear Galore on Brunswick Street in Fitzroy to find a fresh swimsuit. On the walk there I repeatedly told myself to buy a sensible black or navy swimsuit so I'd at least blend in with the fit people who swim laps around me.

Who was I kidding? As soon as I got in the store I skipped passed the 50 black, blue and purple swimsuits and went straight for the bright and bold patterns of Funkita. So what if no one at the pool will take me seriously in this swimsuit. It's not like I'd have any more credibility in a standard black Speedo seeing as how the only people slower than me are the kids who can't swim and the little old ladies who breaststroke without getting their perms wet.

Some of you may not know this but I am a stationery nut, you may even say nazi. The only time the happy rainbow land that is the Shiny Entertainment office came close to conflict was when a colleague emptied my pencil sharpener - my word, nostrils were flared that day!

I am never far away from a Smencil. Other pens and pencils come and go but I have been through 5 sets of Smencil pencils - there's 10 different smells in a grey lead set. To be honest, I've given most of that 50 away on my mission to share yummy pencils with the world. Now I'm sharing them with you!

The delicious, almost edible, though not lickable (I tried) smells that waft up as you use this pencil made from old newspapers wrapped around lead then soaked in 'gourmet liquid scents' is absolutely divine. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go sniff a Smencil.

eBay is a dangerous playing field. There's the bidding, there's the tension, then if you win there's a brief adrenaline rush but then the wait for delivery brings thoughts like, 'Will it fit? Will it match the description/photo? Will the fabric be nice?' race through your head. If the answer's 'no' to any of these questions the feeling is a total bummer. If the answer's yes, yes, yes! then you're hooked and go back for more.


I, Jade Pham, am an eBay addict. I spend hours and hours trawling through searches for spunky items I never seem to find in stores. I thought I'd save you the hours and direct link to this Zara Leopard Print skirt I found at Mary Jane Closet. The skirt was so badass when it arrived I went back to Mary Jane and bought the dress as well.


It makes me a little sad that Zara will now be mainstream in Australia because it will inevitably become generic and boring on the masses. Still, I'm going to have a look when it opens in Melbourne to see if I can find statement pieces or nice basics that I can mix and match and mash-up!

Being with Vodafone was like dating a sweet fool. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't get anything right. Dating some one just because you feel sorry for them isn't a stable building block for a good relationship so it had to end.

Being with Android was like being with a brilliant rebel. A cute, fun and free spirit. Anything I wanted I could have. Anything I thought of, he'd already thought of and did better than I imagined. Oh, Android, how we had some amazing times. But Android shared his love around with so many other handsets (Samsungs, Sonys, LGs...) that he wasn't always aware of my needs. His lag in response made me feel unloved.

So I strayed. I needed some one who would love my handset and only my handset so that everything he designed on his operating system would be complemented by my hardware. That's when I finally gave Apple's iPhone the time of day. He'd been pursuing me for years but I always thought he was arrogant (Mr. I Am Your Future) and way too pretty for my tastes.

We've been seeing each other for about a week now. I find his affection a little restrictive - I can't have the notification tones I want without going behind his back and I don't want to be a cheater (hack into the phone's backend), I can't be as close friends with my bestie Google Apps as I once was (beloved Gmail functions in particular) and he doesn't care to let me know when friends have left a message (no LED indicator) so I have to poke him every now and then and ask politely. But so far he's proven loyal and makes me feel safe.

Also, his good friend Telstra has been a dream to get to know. He's always there when I call or text or email. Very attentive and reliable. I do miss the free spirit of Android so maybe one day, when I'm bored of Apple, we can have another fling.

Believe it or not, Asian babies are born with blue bums. I didn't realise this was uncommon knowledge until I compared birthmarks and other genetic anomalies with seven caucasian freaks (hello no ear lobes, hello hammer toes). Great dinner conversation. My birthmark is a Mongolian Blue Spot that never faded. It's a blue-grey spot on my bum about the size of a 20 cent piece in the shape of a triangle. There is no way to take a classy photo of my butt so I won't.


This is a photo of a 6 month old Taiwanese girl who is suffering the indignity of having her little bum plastered on Wikipedia. While the Mongolian Blue Spot is meant to fade completely within a few years, a little stayed behind at the top of my right buttock.

I'm not entirely sure why the blue bum syndrome was named after Mongolians when it is found on East Asians, Native Amercians, Polynesians and East Africans. The German physician, Erwin Balz, who named the condition was looking after the Imperial family in Japan - perhaps he thought all Japanese looked Mongolian. Unlike Aussies who think all Asians look Japanese.

For some reason, even though I chomp down burgers and steaks and chicken breasts and wings like there's no tomorrow, I don't wear leather. Perhaps it's not flammable enough for my highly synthetic tastes. I do own one leather item though, and I justify it because it was for a good cause.
Corter Leather is a one-man operation run by Eric Heins in his tiny bedroom studio in Boston, Massachusetts. When the terrible Earthquakes hit Japan, Heins released a custom bracelet with a hand-painted red button symbolising the sun in the Japanese flag, and donated all proceeds to Japan. Talk about a labour of love.

The Japan bracelets are no longer on sale (man's gotta pay rent, you know) but Heins takes custom orders so if you prefer a red button send him a request! Seeing as how he runs everything himself, give him a few days to reply to emails. Gotta respect a man who's good with his hands.

The universe has a round-a-bout way of working. The owner of the awesomest Aussie-based Dirty Rich online fashion store forwarded an email about a new position at Diamond Dozen to a lovely lady at Taboo who then forwarded the email to another delight at Spook Magazine who then forwarded the email to me when I was looking for work.
Dirty Rich unwittingly helped me land the dream job that also enables me the funds and the excuse ("I work in fashion") to purchase this badass Joyrich Jungle Cat 3/4 Jogger from their store. Seriously, check the site out; Dirty Rich brings some uber hot underground and boutique American street brands to Australia, for which, my deeply suppressed tracky-dack craving is grateful. The comfort of tracksuit pants but oh so fab looking.

Disclaimer: Jade Pham wears 3/4 Joggers for fashion purposes. Jade Pham does not jog. She is a slob posing as a fit jogger.