KEEP IT IN THE PHAMLY

My siblings called me BFCBC when we were little because they sucked at acronyms. They meant to call me BFCBFC for Big Fat Chubby Bum Face Cheeks because my face cheeks were so pudgy they looked like bum cheeks on my face.

I was Obnoxious Ngoc (mispronounced Knock) shortened to Nox during my obnoxious, angry teen years.

Then I changed my name to Jade and Mum called me Yay-da but that was more because we don't have a J in the Vietnamese alphabet and words don't end on hard 'd' sounds... so it wasn't really a nickname, just an accent. Until my Shiny boss learned about it and started calling me Yade.

Then last year in a team of writers, it was the non-wordy web tech who gave me the nickname JP, I assume because he didn't like typing out my name but then the whole team started calling me JP and I think it's my first sensible and proper nickname.

But my all time favourite title is Big Sissy because I am Little Sissy Pham's big sister and I always try to big sister Big Brother Pham too. I can't remember who started it but I probably called my baby sister a little sissy first and she called me a big sissy to retaliate. And now it's a thing.

I'm told I dance with rhythm and attitude but anyone who's seen me attempt choreography knows I take to it like a baby to its first lemon - with confusion and involuntary muscle spasms. That's why I prefer to watch and admire rather than participate in dance.

My favourite dancers in the world are Les Twins, who are (if you haven't guessed) identical twin brothers from France. I first came across Laurent and Larry Bourgeoisa in Beyonce's killer Billboard 2011 performance and thought they were awesome but was too blinded by Queen B's light (which I just learned was pregnancy glow) to focus on them. But the twins popped up again in Beyonce's headline Glastonbury show later that year (she was pregnant?!?) and I fell madly in love. Here are some of Les Twins' Glastonbury highlights:


I went on an arduous search (I googled 'dancing twins' and they showed up in the top recommended youtube links) to find them. Since then, I've spent hours and hours and hours watching videos of these boys doing their thing - hip hop competitions, street battles, official brand videos, workshops, music clips. I thought I'd share their fun with you.

There's a cool (without trying) playfulness to their styles and personalities that shines through when they dance. I'm not normally into street-style hip-hop because I find it too aggressive or cocky or both, but Les Twins are unique, original and a joy to watch. Also, they keep it in the family, which y'all know I appreciate. Feast your eyes on Les Twins!


I seriously recommend you go on a YouTube binge watching Les Twins. They are amaZING!!

I hate when people ask how I am because I actually think about how I am before replying and most of the time they don't really care so I've wasted brain-thought. And I hate wasting brain-thoughts, which is why sometimes I do things without thinking.

Like buying this Mr. Gugu & Miss Go allover galaxy print crew jumper from work even though I don't wear jumpers because they make my bobble head look even rounder. In all seriousness, I got high on happy colours looking at these crazy-ass Polish designed crews before I read their brand philosophy: "You must look very good to become really good among the good. Only those looking very good can enter the gate of real goodness. Only the good will survive when the gate of real goodness is shut for ever." Funniest brand philosophy ever. And funnest printed jumpers ever.

Guess I'll just have to live up to my gooder future self and incorporate this Galaxy II crew into my life. It is lightweight but superwarm so I'll be turning the air-con up in Brissie and taking this baby with me on trips to cold Melbourne.

Since I was born with cheeks so chubby they sagged like a bulldog's, I have always suffered from big-face syndrome. This is similar to body dysmorphia where you think your body is bigger (or smaller) than it actually is, except with big-face syndrome you are correct in thinking your face is massive.

I used to hate my bobble head (example celebrity bobble heads include Miranda Kerr, Jessie J) because I didn't think I could rock it like my celebrity fat head references. But one day when I started digitising all our old Phamly photos from Mum and Dad's childhoods to my own, I noticed Mum Pham had a big face in her younger years too and she is a mega-babe. Since I'm pretty much a clone of Mum Pham, it gives me hope that I can rock the bobble head too.

I can't make this post funny. If you're reading this because you've lost a loved one and don't know where to begin organising a Buddhist-meets-Western funeral in Australia, then this is for you with my sincerest condolences.

WHAT TO DO
1. Contact your loved one's buddhist temple and ask them to recommend a funeral home OR contact a funeral home and ask them to recommend a buddhist temple. Sadly, people die every day so while it may be new to you, the monks and funeral directors have experience and can guide you.
2. I found this site very helpful with the steps you need to take immediately after your loved one has passed - http://www.funeral-info.com.au/index.php/what-to-do.

3. Funerals are insanely expensive. It will vary for everyone but hopefully my spreadsheet below gives you a basic guide on things to consider. I wish I'd had something like this to help me prepare.

4. Take care of yourself.

This year I set a new record in my job hunting trail. I've had a pretty good run in the past. I've gone from one job to the next in two weeks (including finishing work, looking for work, applying for work, interviewing for work then starting the work) and I've gotten the first job I've applied for in my previous four roles running. I didn't think I could top that until this year when I got a call-back on the day I applied for the job within the hour - twice. To celebrate my new record, I treated myself to a pair of limited edition Karen Walker Super Duper Critter sunglasses in gold...because any excuse will do.

I missed out on this limited edition baby on its original release because my impending unemployment and monetary doom made me hesitate long enough for them to sell out. Wah! But glory be to miss Walker for making such crazy sunglasses that some people couldn't quite work the look and passed on their fashion wins through eBay. Woo!

The gold Super Duper Critter is completely outrageous and over the top and so perfectly me. They are a part of Karen Walker's Fantastique collection. There are intricate symbols and critters laser-cut into the gold frames and finished off with KW's signature tortoise temple tips. Dear god, I always found objectophilia bizarre and wrong but maybe these sunnies may change my mind - ilovethemsomuch.

I set out this year to find a job that's me so I can dress like me and just all-round be myself again. My year in government was exactly the chill out time I needed to recover from losing Mum Pham but now I'm back and feeling fabulous, baby, yeah! These sunnies are just one of the many upgrades planned for my return to the street fashion industry. Yay to being the experimental, kooky, loud (in visual, not audio) me again. 2013 is gonna be FUN!

I went on my first ever blind date a couple of weeks ago... with a guy who was in town for a few days and in Australia for a few weeks. After years of giving my friends frown lines while they mentally crossed off every single guy they knew from their list of potential boyfriends for Jade, I was very curious (and very sceptical) to meet a guy that I'd have "so much in common" with.

Seriously, I have a dozen friendship circles because none of my friends enjoy more than one or two of the bazillion sub-cultures I roam in. Heading to the date, I expected a bit of fun (because one of my multiple personalities was bound to have something in common with him) or if he was an asshole (there's no getting along with shit people) I'd at least have some entertaining blog material and a forever funny story for my friends.

Then Cupid, the violent little nudist, came and shot an arrow into my sceptical butt. Dreamboat had me at yellow Lego luggage tag. Though, I wasn't sure I had him until our midnight swim. Maybe it's a little crazy that I flew interstate to visit him after only one date (I fit in some work to legitimise the trip - pfft) but when someone special comes along, you gotta appreciate them while you can.

For the first time on my Valentiny birthday I get to ditch my life as the real world Liz Lemon and say, "Happy Valentine's Day, some one!" Hope you have a nice life. x

I wish the world could be as forgetful about blood heritage as I am. Most of the time I walk around not thinking about my race at all. My parents have influenced me culturally but in my head I'm just another Aussie chick. That is, until a white-blonde, blue-eyed couple at Laneway Festival start yelling, 'Ay! Ay ay!' to get my attention, then high-five me and say, 'Konnichiwa.' and 'Watashi no namae wa Lisa. Onamae wa desu ka?'

When Dad Pham can't find me in the supermarket, he naturally assumes that I've been kidnapped. Just like Mum Pham assumes I'm dead when I don't return her calls within the hour. Or how I assumed the jade bracelet Mum gave me was a special gift of love, luck and well-being. Boy, were we dead wrong on all counts.