Big Brother Pham is the most practical and handy Pham. He's the one you'd want in your crew in a zombie apocalypse because he has the skills to stay alive. He's also the one you'd want to tile your home because he takes pride in his work. In case you haven't realised, this is a shameless promotion for my brother's business: Tiling Phan & Pham.
Photo: The time I was coming home from Mum's remembrance ceremony at Dad's and copped a $261 fine and lost 3 demerit points. Ah, the good memories in this car.
When I moved back to Brisbane after Mum's passing, I was pretty broken and broke. Dad Pham took money out of this mortgage to buy me Luigi, a Hyundai Getz. Luigi was pummeled to death by hailstones and I got Luigi II thanks to RACQ insurance. And my desk buddy thinks insurance is a scam - tsk.
The Luigis helped me set up my life - going to job interviews, my daily commutes, moving houses, and now take Dad on his weekly grocery runs, and many a road trip up and down the Coast with friends. I've had some fun times with Luigi, but with my not so little eldest niece about ready to get her licence, it's time to pay Dad's good will forward to the next gen PhamLe.
For her birthday, I promised her my car once she gets her Ps because it's mainly P-platers and the elderly who drive the Getz. I'm too middle aged for my car. Now it's eldest niece's turn to set up life in this zippy, reliable little vehicle; and time for Aunty Jade to level up her car game.
So.... Any suggestions for a vroom-vroom?
I was an Elle McPherson Intimate Collections fan for the longest time. Things changed when they rebranded with Heidi Klum and the materials and construction lost their quality feel, while the price tag stayed the same. Once I wore my Elle McPherson to death, it was time to find a new favourite.
I don't know any women who enjoy bra shopping. It's always a gamble taking bras into a change room because what looks cute and comfy (rare combo for me) instead pinches in places you forget you have nerves or has room enough in the cup to store multiple socks and maybe a kitten. It took weeks of bra-testing across too many stores in all of the malls before I found my match: the Pleasure State My Fit OMB Super Boost push-push up bras.
I am small-boobed and wear a push up bra that doesn't so much push up as it helps me fill the cup so it doesn't look like I'm a kid playing costume in my mum's bras. The Pleasure State My Fit OMB super boost cup is lined with suede which is soft and comfortable, and the shape holds you in nicely without leaving a cavern between where your boob meets the cup edge. I have, of course, bought multiple quantities in multiple colourways - black, nude, white, blue, grey and red. I'm also eyeing the green, pink and purple. So many options!
Dad Pham had a little heart scare when we got back from Europe in September 2017. He’s on a tonne of daily morning and evening medications now, which Little Sissy Pham dutifully packs each week when we visit. He is forever at risk of a stroke which is scary. He suffers from schizophrenia and that irrational part of him doesn't believe he has a heart condition so sometimes skips medicines that are keeping him alive, which is even scarier.
On one of these occasions he went to hospital with nausea and vomiting. When we later saw him at home, he told us to take his meagre savings when he passes away. Now, Dad Pham likes to preach about not being stingy because we can afford not to be tight-asses so it was shocking to learn he had saved some money. We were financially challenged growing up and into our late 20s but the Pham siblings have come good - we can all take care of ourselves these days, and each other and Dad Pham, which is probably why he could afford to save a bit of money on his single pension.
The point of helping Dad Pham out is so he can spend his twilight years enjoying himself and not having to worry about bills and meals and his kids. As soon as we found out he was saving money to pass onto us one day, we told him to 'Treat yo'self!' instead. It didn't take much convincing, to be honest. He recently got rid of his super old, ratty recliners. They were due to be tossed half a decade ago but he held onto them this long because Mum Pham had loved them so much.
We took him furniture shopping and Ted, a friendly salesman at the local A-Mart lucked out 'cause Dad Pham walked in and within 30 minutes had picked out a leather recliner and 10 dining chairs so we can finally seat everyone at the table. We had planned on me being single forever, but things changed so we've been one chair short ever since. Not any more!
As Dad likes to always tell me when I'm looking for a bargain while grocery shopping, "Stop being cheap - Mum only did that because we couldn't afford nice things. You have money - buy the best there is." Solid advice.
Pham is the fourth most common surname in the Vietnamese community (Nguyen is top at nearly 40%, then Tran & Le) so it wasn't a huge coincidence that our neighbours across the hall in the council flats were Phams. The Other Phams as they are known in our world were a Phamly with three boys and a girl, the youngest. We went to the same primary school and their Middle Brother was in the same year as Big Brother Pham. The younger two kids were closer in age to Little Sissy Pham and me. I don't have any photos with them - I guess none of us had cameras back then.
Big Brother Pham and Middle Brother Other Pham were the best of friends before we moved to Brisbane. I remembered they came over and played computer games a lot at our house, and we'd all play downstairs together. Big Brother Pham and Other Brothers Pham played basketball and cricket while the younger siblings played less coordinated games.
The Other Phams adored Mum Pham and Dad Pham. Middle Brother Other Pham told me that in a way my parents were more like parents to them than their own. Sadly for The Other Phams, their parents worked crazy hours and were always away. Unlike my parents who were on a pension and always home, so super attentive of us spoiled Pham siblings.
Often we'd come home from school or grocery shopping on weekends, and one or more of the kids would be sitting on the steps outside the landing to our respective flats because their parents weren't home, and they were locked out. Mum Pham would invite them to ours, and feed them snacks and if their parents weren't home in time dinner too. I still remember Little Brother Other Pham stuffing his face on chicken wings, home made hot chips, and tomato sauce like there was no tomorrow. Funny how random memories stick.
Life in Melbourne wouldn't have been the same without The Other Phams next door. In my hazy childhood memories, it didn't seem odd that they were always around because as kids you just accept that the world is the way it is. It wasn't until we reconnected years later that I learned how special this time in the flats was for them. I hope Mum Pham knew how much of a positive impact she had on The Other Pham siblings. She did a lot of good things for people without asking for thanks, and I still learn new ways to appreciate her to this day several years after she's passed. Thanks Mum for taking care of all Phams.
- THE END -
If you want to start from the beginning of Phamly history, read:
Part 1 - O Captain! My Captain! Dad Pham's navy days during the Vietnam War.
Part 2 - P.O.W. Viet Cong Re-education Camp Dad Pham's time as a prisoner of war.
Part 3 - Living with Viet Cong Mum Pham's experience with communism.
Part 4 - Boat People Dad Pham seeks refuge after the war.
Part 5 - Finding Faith Dad finds peace.
Part 6 - When Herr met Frau - Dad Pham meets Mum Pham.
Part 7 - Life in Germany: the early years - Dad Pham sets up life in Germany.
Part 8 - Life in Germany: the later years - Dad gets sick, Mum steps up.
Part 9 - Getting ready for Australia - Mum Pham is on a mission.
Part 10 - Coming to Australia - My first memories of Australia.
Part 11 - Live in Brisbane the first time - The story of why we left Brisbane.
Part 12 - Moving to Melbourne - First impressions.
Part 13 - Life in Melbourne - Dad Pham - The good old days.
Part 14 - The Other Phams - Our neighbours in Melbourne were Phams too.
Part 15 - Life in Melbourne - Mum Pham - Our Sunday Phamly traditions began in Melbourne.
Part 16 - Cats On A Train - Moving to Brisbane
Part 17 - Sleepwalking Scare - Moving to Brisbane continued
Part 18 - A House in Brisbane - Moving to Brisbane continued some more
This year didn't start out so great, but overall it has been a fun year. Some of my (blog) highlights are:
- I learned I'm a mouth breathing, noisy eater.
- I kept up my weekly dance but not dance-dance classes Groove Therapy with Wanida Serce. Though, I didn't keep up with ballet because I moved to another part of town. Instead I'm going to sign up to the local gym next week. Shock-horror.
- I got to see a Vietnamese American actress star in a western teen movie for the first time - To All The Boys I've Loved Before. Time's are changing y'all.
- I got a new phone, and I didn't know it has automatic face blur on the selfie camera for the past 9 months even though in the original post, you can clearly see how crispy the front facing camera is compared to the self-facing camera. D'oh.
- But of course, my top highlight, is living with the boyfriend who makes every day extra fun.
Not all of my gifts are joke gifts. Some of the time they are thoughtful and meaningful. Not this one though. This gift idea stems from pure selfishness. I needed an excuse to take photos of my camera-averse Boyfriend every day and now I finally have it.
When I lived in Melbourne I'd visit The Phamly 3-4 times a year and talk on the phone with Mum Pham every couple of days. Boyfriend's mum lives in Perth, which is about as far away from Brisbane as you can get within Australia so quarterly visits aren't so easy. They talk regularly, but for his first year in Brisbane his mum could only visit us once. She got to see where he lives and meet me and Dad Pham, but it's hard to learn what someone's life is like in one weekend.
When her birthday was approaching... then came...then went, and Boyfriend had only called her to wish her happy birthday because their family don't do gifting, my brain started to tick. We had to do something for Xmas. Life is too short not to show people you love that you appreciate them.
What would Mum Pham have liked if we lived far apart and we hardly ever got to see one another? Lightbulb! 'A year in the life of' photo project about Boyfriend for his mum. I pitched the idea as a daily calendar so it's sort of practical but mainly so she can learn more of his Brisbane life. We could send her prints in monthly packs so the moments captured would be recent and relevant. It's something she will look at every day to remember that a) she has a son and b) he loves her and misses her.
Boyfriend normally yells no to gifts, but he was fully behind this idea. He got to designing the calendar pages, while I took on the difficult task of photographing my favourite human going about his life. We found an iPad holder (like a compact cookbook holder) at Kmart which fit prints in size 6" x 8" nicely. He sent the iPad holder and photos for the month of January. She opened it today for Christmas, and it made her cry - hopefully, they were happy tears and not because I didn't think to set my phone camera to the highest quality for better prints. Oops.
Merry Christmas everyone, hope you have the best time showing your loved ones how much you care!