KEEP IT IN THE PHAMLY

My name is Jade Pham and I am a shopaholic. To be fair, I was shopahol free for 2 of the 6 weeks I was unemployed at the start of this year. Didn't spend a dime over New Years and then I started to apply for jobs. I assumed I'd get one soonish because I've always been quick to find work when I want it. It's a boyfriend, acne remedy, the will to finish all 100 paragon levels in Diablo 3, fun-creative places to party in Brisbane, fun-creative people to party with in Brisbane and my stereo remote that I suck at finding.

After my first job application and interview I treated myself to a pair of Karen Walker Super Duper Critter Sunnies. To be fair, I did whip up a work folio to present at the interview and would have made a second presentation of ideas I had for the company / my future role but I had one day's notice and a Pham birthday (Phamly Phirst!) to organise. I reckon I deserved a treat.

Now I've been bleeding money ever since. The good part is I have a heap of things to blog about! The bad part is I bought this gorgeous Love Dress in floral print to wear to a wedding... AND I DON'T HAVE A WEDDING TO ATTEND. What is wrong with me? I mean, it's good to be prepared for life and stuff but none of my friends or relatives are even engaged. This romantic, drapey Love Dress is the first time I've realised that I am a shopaholic, I can't live without shopahol.

Here's hoping first-world consumer society lasts for as long as my lifetime so I'll never have to suffer the distress of withdrawal. I imagine it'd be worse than that time I quit food (meaning gluten, dairy, nuts, some fruit and veg, sugar, salt and red meat) to show support for Little Sissy Pham and her crackpot, hippy skin 'doctor's' attempts at curing her psoriasis. You know how much I love my food. So much so, Eldest Niece once said about heaps of leftovers, "If only Aunty Ngoc were here, none of this food would be wasted because she'd have eaten it all."

Which is why the ASOS.com model looks less bloated in these product pics:

The best thing about having a terrible memory is finding Caramello Koalas in my room that I forgot to eat yesterday. The worst thing about my terrible memory is I decided to stop chopping out my face from blog photos because people aren't as repelled by my bobble head as I thought. Actually, they're my most popular posts. But because I forgot I'm now allowed to show my face in public, I left it at home again.

I hope people don't need to see my full body to help judge whether these shoes will work for them. I bought these River Island Edon Lace Up Flatform shoes from Asos.com for work and play because now I work somewhere that I can play with what I wear. They're oh so shiny and very comfortable to clomp around in. Flatforms have been making a resurgence for the past couple of years but I wasn't really sold until I saw this sleek shiny dream. They fit perfectly like a glove but for my feet so more like a sock. Mmm... comfort + height + girly punk. Love 'em.

This post has taken me roughly three months to write because every time I sit down to finish it, I get distracted by my research and end up buying another pen because I am a total sucker.

My favourite charity pens are what I like to call "fancy pens." I will go the cheaper plastic ones if I don't have an option but my preference is the smooth, metal, inky pens that are twice as expensive. It's for charity after all. Legacy Australia ink pens are my favourite to write letters with (yes, I still write letters and cards, I'm really old) but they don't have an online shop, just good-looking men in uniforms selling them on the streets every now and then. But here are some of my favourite charities that sell their pens online - and yes, I did buy another fundraiser item just now but it was a gift for someone else and not a pen:

RSPCA - their Happy Tails Floating Pen is my favourite range ever, they drop a new design every now and then
Starlight - I recommend their 'metal pen' for the smoothest write, so good
Pink Ribbon Day (Cancer Council) - surprisingly subtle, not pink pen. Sensible office people can totally rock this at work

There's a certain number of items in my wardrobe that I think of as my food-baby clothes. They are worn to Phamly feasts and friends' BBQs and picnics where I plan to stuff my face stupid on good food and drink. If you haven't guessed, they are loose fitting clothes that won't reveal how greedy my gut has been.

This Nasty Gal Space King tee is unintentionally one of them. I ordered a large thinking it'd be a snug-large like the rest of my US-imports but turns out this tee is actually large. I could exchange it, I guess, but I only have one other food baby tee and it's too warm for most Brisbane days.. so meet my new food eating tee!

I actually ordered this galaxy tee before Mr. Gugu dropped into work. Seems like galaxy is the new leopard print for me. Though I'll always love big cats. Thank you in advance, Mr. Space King, for making me look pretty while hiding my bloated belly.

This was my first time ordering from nastygal.com and I'm definitely going back for more. Their stuff is high quality. Will blog about the jacket I bought from them soon.

My siblings called me BFCBC when we were little because they sucked at acronyms. They meant to call me BFCBFC for Big Fat Chubby Bum Face Cheeks because my face cheeks were so pudgy they looked like bum cheeks on my face.

I was Obnoxious Ngoc (mispronounced Knock) shortened to Nox during my obnoxious, angry teen years.

Then I changed my name to Jade and Mum called me Yay-da but that was more because we don't have a J in the Vietnamese alphabet and words don't end on hard 'd' sounds... so it wasn't really a nickname, just an accent. Until my Shiny boss learned about it and started calling me Yade.

Then last year in a team of writers, it was the non-wordy web tech who gave me the nickname JP, I assume because he didn't like typing out my name but then the whole team started calling me JP and I think it's my first sensible and proper nickname.

But my all time favourite title is Big Sissy because I am Little Sissy Pham's big sister and I always try to big sister Big Brother Pham too. I can't remember who started it but I probably called my baby sister a little sissy first and she called me a big sissy to retaliate. And now it's a thing.

I'm told I dance with rhythm and attitude but anyone who's seen me attempt choreography knows I take to it like a baby to its first lemon - with confusion and involuntary muscle spasms. That's why I prefer to watch and admire rather than participate in dance.

My favourite dancers in the world are Les Twins, who are (if you haven't guessed) identical twin brothers from France. I first came across Laurent and Larry Bourgeoisa in Beyonce's killer Billboard 2011 performance and thought they were awesome but was too blinded by Queen B's light (which I just learned was pregnancy glow) to focus on them. But the twins popped up again in Beyonce's headline Glastonbury show later that year (she was pregnant?!?) and I fell madly in love. Here are some of Les Twins' Glastonbury highlights:


I went on an arduous search (I googled 'dancing twins' and they showed up in the top recommended youtube links) to find them. Since then, I've spent hours and hours and hours watching videos of these boys doing their thing - hip hop competitions, street battles, official brand videos, workshops, music clips. I thought I'd share their fun with you.

There's a cool (without trying) playfulness to their styles and personalities that shines through when they dance. I'm not normally into street-style hip-hop because I find it too aggressive or cocky or both, but Les Twins are unique, original and a joy to watch. Also, they keep it in the family, which y'all know I appreciate. Feast your eyes on Les Twins!


I seriously recommend you go on a YouTube binge watching Les Twins. They are amaZING!!

I hate when people ask how I am because I actually think about how I am before replying and most of the time they don't really care so I've wasted brain-thought. And I hate wasting brain-thoughts, which is why sometimes I do things without thinking.

Like buying this Mr. Gugu & Miss Go allover galaxy print crew jumper from work even though I don't wear jumpers because they make my bobble head look even rounder. In all seriousness, I got high on happy colours looking at these crazy-ass Polish designed crews before I read their brand philosophy: "You must look very good to become really good among the good. Only those looking very good can enter the gate of real goodness. Only the good will survive when the gate of real goodness is shut for ever." Funniest brand philosophy ever. And funnest printed jumpers ever.

Guess I'll just have to live up to my gooder future self and incorporate this Galaxy II crew into my life. It is lightweight but superwarm so I'll be turning the air-con up in Brissie and taking this baby with me on trips to cold Melbourne.

Since I was born with cheeks so chubby they sagged like a bulldog's, I have always suffered from big-face syndrome. This is similar to body dysmorphia where you think your body is bigger (or smaller) than it actually is, except with big-face syndrome you are correct in thinking your face is massive.

I used to hate my bobble head (example celebrity bobble heads include Miranda Kerr, Jessie J) because I didn't think I could rock it like my celebrity fat head references. But one day when I started digitising all our old Phamly photos from Mum and Dad's childhoods to my own, I noticed Mum Pham had a big face in her younger years too and she is a mega-babe. Since I'm pretty much a clone of Mum Pham, it gives me hope that I can rock the bobble head too.

I can't make this post funny. If you're reading this because you've lost a loved one and don't know where to begin organising a Buddhist-meets-Western funeral in Australia, then this is for you with my sincerest condolences.

WHAT TO DO
1. Contact your loved one's buddhist temple and ask them to recommend a funeral home OR contact a funeral home and ask them to recommend a buddhist temple. Sadly, people die every day so while it may be new to you, the monks and funeral directors have experience and can guide you.
2. I found this site very helpful with the steps you need to take immediately after your loved one has passed - http://www.funeral-info.com.au/index.php/what-to-do.

3. Funerals are insanely expensive. It will vary for everyone but hopefully my spreadsheet below gives you a basic guide on things to consider. I wish I'd had something like this to help me prepare.

4. Take care of yourself.

This year I set a new record in my job hunting trail. I've had a pretty good run in the past. I've gone from one job to the next in two weeks (including finishing work, looking for work, applying for work, interviewing for work then starting the work) and I've gotten the first job I've applied for in my previous four roles running. I didn't think I could top that until this year when I got a call-back on the day I applied for the job within the hour - twice. To celebrate my new record, I treated myself to a pair of limited edition Karen Walker Super Duper Critter sunglasses in gold...because any excuse will do.

I missed out on this limited edition baby on its original release because my impending unemployment and monetary doom made me hesitate long enough for them to sell out. Wah! But glory be to miss Walker for making such crazy sunglasses that some people couldn't quite work the look and passed on their fashion wins through eBay. Woo!

The gold Super Duper Critter is completely outrageous and over the top and so perfectly me. They are a part of Karen Walker's Fantastique collection. There are intricate symbols and critters laser-cut into the gold frames and finished off with KW's signature tortoise temple tips. Dear god, I always found objectophilia bizarre and wrong but maybe these sunnies may change my mind - ilovethemsomuch.

I set out this year to find a job that's me so I can dress like me and just all-round be myself again. My year in government was exactly the chill out time I needed to recover from losing Mum Pham but now I'm back and feeling fabulous, baby, yeah! These sunnies are just one of the many upgrades planned for my return to the street fashion industry. Yay to being the experimental, kooky, loud (in visual, not audio) me again. 2013 is gonna be FUN!