KEEP IT IN THE PHAMLY

It's one of life's great jokes that Dad Pham can steer a rickety ship loaded with desperate refugees into open ocean, yet he can't drive a car in Australia. I'd always known my parents were Vietnam War refugees, but I only learned in recent years that Dad Pham was the one sailing the boat out to sea. I mean, he is a retired navy captain - it makes sense now that I know but it never crossed my mind until he volunteered the story. Like with all Dad facts, it was randomly and matter-of-factly dropped into the middle of a conversation about a beach trip.

Last Sunday I asked him if he was scared when he was on the boat. He answered, "No. I accepted my death before I left the shore. That's why so many people stayed behind - they couldn't face death. I knew I'd rather die at sea than live with the Viet Cong." I can't imagine being so desperate that I'd risk death for a small chance at a better life.

Soon after Dad was released from the 're-education camp,' he was approached by people who had a boat but no one to drive it. They promised him money in exchange for his help, but they and Dad knew they couldn't afford to pay him. Being a former prisoner of war, Dad and anyone he associated with would be persecuted if he stayed. He made the tough decision to leave his family and friends behind.

Dad couldn't tell many people he planned to leave because whispers of fleeing could lead to persecution or execution. He did tell the woman he was in love with. She was a secret love not even her brothers knew about. He asked her to come with him but she didn't want to leave her parents behind. They reconnected over email recently and Dad doesn't know how to use email so I was his go-between, which is the only reason I learned about her. She's now a successful chef at a Western hotel in Vietnam.

When the time came to go, Dad snuck a rickety fishing boat filled to the brim with refugees out into the ocean. He knew the busy thoroughfare in open ocean beyond Vietnam's borders where commercial ships traveled and that's where he navigated towards. They risked pirates, drowning, dehydration, starvation along the way; and when they reached their destination they risked abandonment as dozens of ships avoided the refugee boats for political, economical, social, whatever reasons. Dad always says his trip was blessed by God because of the many moments things could have gone bad but didn't. I knew kids in school who weren't so lucky - one witnessed his father's decapitation by pirates so I don't get mad that he went on to hurt me in primary school. Hurt people hurt others - it's a sad life cycle I refuse to perpetuate.

When they reached the thoroughfare, Dad Pham watched dozens of ships ignore their pleas for help. Finally, he made the men on the boat take down the cloth shades that provided some protection from the sun to reveal the people aboard the boat. His idea worked. Showing the passing ships that his boat carried mainly women and children is the reason a German commercial ship stopped to rescue them.

The photo is of Dad in Singapore where the German ship took all the refugees from Dad's boat while they waited to be processed as refugees and flown to Europe. I'll tell you about his journey from Singapore to Germany in the next episode, and how he found faith after witnessing the worst in humanity.



If you want to start from the beginning of Phamly history, read:
Part 1 - O Captain! My Captain! Dad Pham's navy days during the Vietnam War.
Part 2 - P.O.W. Viet Cong Re-education Camp Dad Pham's time as a prisoner of war.
Part 3 - Living with Viet Cong Mum Pham's experience with communism.
Part 4 - Boat People Dad Pham seeks refuge after the war.
Part 5 - Finding Faith Dad finds peace.
Part 6 - When Herr met Frau - Dad Pham meets Mum Pham.
Part 7 - Life in Germany: the early years - Dad Pham sets up life in Germany.
Part 8 - Life in Germany: the later years - Dad gets sick, Mum steps up.
Part 9 - Getting ready for Australia - Mum Pham is on a mission.
Part 10 - Coming to Australia - My first memories of Australia.
Part 11 - Live in Brisbane the first time - The story of why we left Brisbane.
Part 12 - Moving to Melbourne - First impressions.
Part 13 - Life in Melbourne - Dad Pham - The good old days.
Part 14 - The Other Phams - Our neighbours in Melbourne were Phams too.
Part 15 - Life in Melbourne - Mum Pham - Our Sunday Phamly traditions began in Melbourne.
Part 16 - Cats On A Train - Moving to Brisbane
Part 17 - Sleepwalking Scare - Moving to Brisbane continued
Part 18 - A House in Brisbane - Moving to Brisbane continued some more

Rise and shine! Unlike the majority of morning risers in the park walking their furry family, I am walking my Fitbit and Pokemon Go, while listening to my favourite Podcasts. I'm not loyal - I get bored of podcasts and move on but these are the ones that have stood the test of time:

Radiolab - http://www.radiolab.org
Of course, one of my all time faves is a well-rounded, -researched and -written science podcast. Each episode always has me intrigued by intricacies of life, and I always feel like I've gained knowledge or discovered a new way to look at old things. I save my Radiolab podcasts for quiet time - usually before bed so I'm not distracted and can focus on the details. Who knew the world is so interesting? Radiolab.

Myths & Legends - https://www.mythpodcast.com
I love fairy tales, I love folklore, I love random stories from around the world. But I don't have time to read/listen to full tales let alone research and find which versions I should read. Myths & Legends by Jason Weiser cleverly edits summarises historical epics into short and sweet episodes with a cheeky sense of humour about some of the ridiculous elements of stories.

Lore - http://www.lorepodcast.com
So excited that Lore by writer Aaron Mahnke is going to made into a television show! It's well-written and spooky as. I can't listen to Lore at night - it keeps me up. I can't listen to Lore in the park - it creeps me out. I can only listen to Lore in morning traffic on the long drive to work because there's daylight and I have to focus on not crashing so I don't have time to dwell on the stories and creep myself out.

Astonishing Legends - http://www.astonishinglegends.com
Recently discovered this when I caught up on Lore's back catalogue. The show covers urban legends, unexplained mysteries and other creepy things. I occasionally brave it in the park but sometimes I get too creeped out by the supernatural stories, and have to switch to lighter listening. Like True Crime.

Generation Why - http://thegenerationwhypodcast.com
This is my faourite of all the true crime podcasts because Justin & Aaron have such good rapport. The duo grew up friends. Generation Why do their research then discuss their thoughts on the findings in a cool and relaxed way in a conversational format, which makes it easier to listen to than scripted podcasts. I look forward to their weekly releases and, yes, I am in the official Generation Why Facebook Group.

Casefile - http://casefilepodcast.com
I got onto Casefile after I crunched through Generation Why's massive back catalogue. I tried a few different podcasts but Casefile is the only one that stuck, which surprised me because the host has an Aussie accent that I sometimes find jarring since all the podcasts I listen to normally have an American accent. Casefile covers true crime stories from around the world, but also Australian ones which is nice (and also scary that it happens in places I've been or know). Stick it out through the first few episodes. The host gets better and talks slower and more clearly these days.

In The Dark - http://www.apmreports.org/in-the-dark 
I became obsessed with this short series. It's a really interesting and informative listen on how one child abduction in particular changed the way the USA handled such cases. You'll see that Australian law has mimicked the USA laws in recent history.

Detective - http://www.investigationdiscovery.com
This podcast is SO interesting. I love listening to the other side of murder from a retired homicide detective. Normally, podcast hosts are true crime fans - they haven't worked in the field. So it's refreshing to get a different perspective.

Savage Lovecast - http://www.savagelovecast.com
The OG favourite that got me into listening to Podcasts. I resisted this technology for the longest time because I am old and out of touch. Dan Savage is the sassiest and smartest unqualified sex and relationship advice-giver out there. There's a free version with ads so you can try it, then if you're like me you'll become obsessed and become a paid subscriber to get episodes that are twice as long, have special guest interviewees and no ads.

I love his take on life and always look forward to his rants at the start of each show about relevant politics, laws, news. You want to be open-minded when listening to Dan - he doesn't tone things down for the easily-offended.Whenever I struggle with the dating thing or try the relating to humans thing, I ask myself, 'What would Dan Savage tell me to do?'

Women Of The Hour - https://soundcloud.com/womenofthehour
Lena Dunham's podcast. Of course, I listen to an empowered, intelligent, feminist podcast. I have to balance out all the true crime podcasts where I constantly listen to stories women being victimised. Lena Dunham interviews strong, informed, inspiring women from all walks of life and all areas of expertise on her podcast. Very inspirational.

Serial - https://serialpodcast.org
Serial covers one crime each season. Season One was brilliant and felt like it sucked the world into the Adnan Syed case. Season Two about Bowe Bergdahl was intriguing at first but I lost interest by the end - maybe because I couldn't relate to American patriotism and also military life.


So these are the podcasts I'm subscribed to. Hope you enjoy some of them as much as I do!

I am on my way to becoming a stinky hippie. That's my way of saying I've been experimenting with different 'natural' deodorants. It all started with learning that all anti-perspirant deodorants in supermarkets contained conflict or unsustainable palm oil, and I'm trying to avoid products that hurt orangutans' feelings so I had to stop using my favourite Dove roll-on because: evil.

I went on a researching and sniffing spree of any palm oil free deodorants I could find. Here is what I tried and the varying results - basically it was 6 months of painful, itchy and/or stinking armpits until I found the one for me:

Eco Sonya Roll-on Coconut Deodorant – Pleasantly scented roll-on that needed twice-a-day application and sometimes I still smelled. I used it for about 6 weeks and would have kept it up except my skin reacted badly to their bicarb soda blend and I ended up with dry, flaky, irritated patches of armpit.

Sanctum Women's Deodorant – This was bicard free but also effectiveness free. I found it did nothing for my stench. I don't know how my workmates did not comment once the full 2 weeks I tried it. I seriously ponged.
Zoo Deodorant – I decided to try a paste next hoping something thicker would be more effective. I got this paste instead of the super popular and most well-known Black Chicken Remedies Axilla Deodorant Paste because reviews of the Black Chicken one had a significant number of people reacting to bicarb like I did with Eco Sonya. Zoo Deodorant worked OK but I did get smelly on the occasional day. Again, I would have stuck with it but then I learned the clay element of the paste gave me horrible ingrowns - painful red welts. Again, no dice.

Crystal Essence Crystal Deodorant – I've used a deodorant crystal in the past - the actual rock, and they work a treat for killing odour causing bacteria. I didn't want to go back to the crystal rock since I found it scratchy if the crystal chipped. But Crystal Essence make it in liquid roll-on form! This is what I've been using on the regular. It keeps me from smelling and lets me sweat so my skin doesn't get irritated for feel clogged. My armpits have never felt so free.

UPDATE 30/3/17: I now use the deodorant crystal because as much as I love the liquid form, it's so much plastic packaging. The actual crystal lasts a year where the liquid lasts only a few months.

Little Sissy Pham got me a Fitbit Charge for my birthday this year. Mostly it was recording how inactive I am throughout the day but, recently, I've been walking myself a lot and I'm no longer an embarrassment to the Fitbit Community. Unfortunately, as soon as I started getting my step count up, I noticed my Fitbit was starting to wear down.

The clasp had loosened so my Fitbit came undone and went flying a couple of times. Luckily, they're sturdy devices and it survived the fall down a flight of stairs onto concrete flooring. Then the glue started to lose its touch and the edges of the rubber wrist band came away from the plastic screen.
The good news is - Fitbit will replace faulty bands under manufacturer's warranty for up to 1 year. The OK news Fitbit sent me a new or refurbished Fitbit Charge (not good news since I find this a bit wasteful. The divice still works - it was just the band I wanted fixed. So wasteful). If your Fitbit is out of warranty, there is still good news:

When I was looking for a replacement band before I learned you couldn't replace bands on my particular model, I saw a lot of these random rubber cases on ebay.com.au. I didn't understand at the time that these were made to address the common band fault in the Fitbit Charge. I got myself a pink case and black band guard so now my Fitbit looks a bit chunkier but the rubber band won't wear down at the joint, and the clasp is locked in. I'd recommend both add-ons to anyone with the Fitbit Charge & Charge HR.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go do star jumps to make up for the steps I didn't walk this morning.

I've gotten uncomfortably plump the past 2 years. I'd like to blame it on my 30s but really I've been letting my inner slob become my outer slob due to pure, unadulterated laziness. And now I have to do something about it.

Some people like to shake things off but, for the supremely uncoordinated like myself, shaking and generally moving is a dangerous business. I prefer my exercise to be minimal or, ideally, zero impact. I mean, I don't get to climb ladders at work unless it's the last resort. It could be because I wear short skirts and the boss is saving me from flashing the team while saving the team from the trauma of seeing my daggy dacks - but really I don't climb ladders because I fall over walking.

I've been walking every morning for about 2 months now. I've tripped over myself a few times - which is why I stopped jaywalking and started using the crossing at a massive intersection near my house. I nearly fell in front of a moving car one morning (sorry old man in navy sedan - didn't mean to scare you like that). The great news is, I haven't died AND my clothes are fitting better AND I have more energy.

I've actually gotten to a point where if I don't take myself for a walk in the morning (or swim or shoot hoops), I get restless during the day and have to spend the evening jumping around the house and doing weights. I'm sure Little Sissy Pham wishes I put my excess energy into cleaning the house - but cleaning is too stationary.

Walking is a good stress reliever too - unless you're like me and listen to true crime podcasts while you walk and become convinced that every early morning dog walker is a serial killer in disguise using adorably cute puppies to distract and disarm would-be victims. So, no, I don't stoop down to pet any dogs on my walks because that's how you get hit in the back of the head with a hammer then stabbed and bleed to death, and become a story they tell on podcasts to make everyone extraordinarily paranoid.

OK. I best be off - got an early morning walking date with a pal. You should join us, and walk it off - it's good for you.

Like most women, I judge the length of my hair by how often it gets caught in things and how varied those things are. Doors, windows, chairs, zippers, buttons, bras, handbags... When it becomes an hourly ouch, it's time to get a haircut. Wait, that's not how you decide to make a hair appointment?

When my Melbourne hairdresser became horribly allergic to hair treatment chemicals and retired, I floated around from hairdresser to hairdresser for years before resigning to cutting my own hair. And then I found my knight in poker-faced armour, Richard from Richard & Maisy Hair Styling at Level 4/190 Edward Street in Brisbane City. They used to own Hair Corner in Elizabeth Street Arcade in Brisbane CBD if that name rings a bell.

Richard is the bomb. He doesn't chat much - mainly because of the language barrier. His English is fine but not strong enough that carrying a full English conversation would be effortless and we'd both prefer he put his effort into the hair over small talk.

As always, I'm blogging as a genuine customer and fan. I've been loyal to Richard ever since he didn't bat an eyelid when I asked to shave my head (again). Instead, he gave me sensible advice unlike a few other hairdressers I'd visited - they questioned my choice, tried to talk me out of it and made me feel like I couldn't trust them to do the good job so I walked out. Which is lucky because that's how I ended up in Hair Corner.

One of the many things I wished I'd done before Mum Pham passed away was talk to her in detail about her life. The things I know are pieced together from lots of little stories she shared. I never once sat down and learned her story in full. I know she grew up in Saigon, and that Grandma passed away when Mum was young so she was raised by her 8 older sisters and older brother. And, of course, Grandpa.

Grandpa came from China. When the Vietnam War broke out in 1962 and the Viet Cong began to gain ground heading south, Grandpa told his children that if the communists win, they had to flee. But Grandpa didn't live to see the end of the war and my Aunts and Uncle did not heed his warning when the time to flee came in 1975. As Saigon fell, my mother and her siblings made the mistake of not running like so many thousands did.

While Dad Pham was losing his sanity in a re-education camp, Mum's family stayed and learned first-hand why Grandpa had wanted them to escape. In its own way, things worked out - if Mum had fled when her dad told her to, Dad Pham would still be wasting away in prison and wouldn't have been in Germany to meet her as a translator and The Phamly would not exist. Life's funny like that.

Mum Pham never went into detail with her stories of the Viet Cong, but what she did share is that people lived in fear of the regime and those who spoke out against the communist government were killed, put in prison or disappeared. The Viet Cong could simply take, harass or intimidate people into handing over property - real estate, personal belongings, anything they desired because in communism, things don't belong to you, they belong to the community (so long as you are Viet Cong). That's why Mum Pham's siblings hid their jewellery, and eventually the diamonds in my Phamly ring were smuggled out of Vietnam and remade into a ring Germany.

I still own a few of the sleeveless tops that Viet Cong soldiers harassed mum for wearing. Apparently, they they were too revealing (see photo for said tops). As Mum tells it, Aunty Nine told the soldiers off for picking on a bunch of girls, while Mum held her breath waiting to be punished but instead the soldiers let them go with a warning. That night mum and her sisters sewed cap sleeves onto their sleeveless tops. I remember these tops from when I was a kid - Mum no longer wore them, but she'd kept them through her journey from Vietnam to Germany and then Australia. They must have meant something to her - I wished I'd asked what that something was.

Looking back, it seems silly to think ugly, mismatched sleeve caps was the fashion in Vietnam. I didn't learn til I was a teen that they happened because the Viet Cong officials could tell people what to do, how to live, where to live... the freedom fighters turned out to be dictators. Saigon fell in 1975. Years later Mum Pham would flee Vietnam and meet a handsome fellow I call Dad in 1979, but that's a story I'll piece together another day.



If you want to start from the beginning of Phamly history, read:
Part 1 - O Captain! My Captain! Dad Pham's navy days during the Vietnam War.
Part 2 - P.O.W. Viet Cong Re-education Camp Dad Pham's time as a prisoner of war.
Part 3 - Living with Viet Cong Mum Pham's experience with communism.
Part 4 - Boat People Dad Pham seeks refuge after the war.
Part 5 - Finding Faith Dad finds peace.
Part 6 - When Herr met Frau - Dad Pham meets Mum Pham.
Part 7 - Life in Germany: the early years - Dad Pham sets up life in Germany.
Part 8 - Life in Germany: the later years - Dad gets sick, Mum steps up.
Part 9 - Getting ready for Australia - Mum Pham is on a mission.
Part 10 - Coming to Australia - My first memories of Australia.
Part 11 - Live in Brisbane the first time - The story of why we left Brisbane.
Part 12 - Moving to Melbourne - First impressions.
Part 13 - Life in Melbourne - Dad Pham - The good old days.
Part 14 - The Other Phams - Our neighbours in Melbourne were Phams too.
Part 15 - Life in Melbourne - Mum Pham - Our Sunday Phamly traditions began in Melbourne.
Part 16 - Cats On A Train - Moving to Brisbane
Part 17 - Sleepwalking Scare - Moving to Brisbane continued
Part 18 - A House in Brisbane - Moving to Brisbane continued some more

It's been so long since I've been on a date or asked anyone to go on a date or been asked by anyone to go on a date -  I forget that people have feelings and expectations and history that motivate their actions and give them personality nuances that are totally peculiar to me, yet normal for them. What are all these feelings? I don't like them - you keep them, thanks.

I know I come with baggage and quirks too. Like, right now I have zero patience with texting coming out of a long distance relationship where my boyfriend was pretty much an iPhone - I may as well have dated Siri that's how text- and tech-heavy we were. Though, Siri always answers when you call her (or him) and greets you in the morning with a weather update, breaking news and reminds me what I have on that day so she was more involved in my life than my partner by the end. I need a break from tech-based relationships with boys and software.

Instead, I've been catching up with old friends; making new friends; making eye-contact with and greeting strangers and regulars - except the neo-nazi who growled at me once and glares at me all the time and I'm pretty sure he's the one who carved the swastika in the wet concrete across the road from my house - him I don't greet. I'm also getting out of the house more - morning walks, taking dad to the lake, going to the pool, shooting hoops in the park and finally not failing my Fitbit on a daily basis. It feels good.

I think this whole not hanging out with my phone is helping me get back into blogging. I'm not using my word count on texts so my brain is able to use my words elsewhere. Also, I've gone on a major post-break-up shopping spree so I'll be wanting to share some of my fave buys in new Upgrade U posts soon because nothing says I don't want to catch feelings like mass consumerism!

Text you later.
xoxo

I'm usually not allowed to deal with the public at work - a self-enforced rule because dressing like rainbow vomit, shaved hair and head tattoos isn't quite on-brand for the day job. But every now and then during festival season, I'm forced to step out from behind the scenes - mainly because there's no one else to do what needs doing, and make a rare public appearance.

This week, I learned of a slightly distressed couple who had lost their 2x irreplaceable tickets to a very sold out Listen Out festival. Tickets are like cash y'all - hold onto them tight because once they're gone, they're gone for good! It took a few days and a little rejigging within the team, but I was able to offer them 2x VIP passes. When I called to tell him the good news, the first thing Damian asked was, "Is anyone in your team going to miss out?"  He was more concerned about others than himself. That made my day - other people's happiness is even better when they're good people.

At the end of a long week, I re-read his happy email. It made me smile. Though, now the festival's nearly over I'm going back into my hidey hole. Until next time....

(So you know, my team didn't miss out either. Everyone wins.)

Hello, sunshine. It's been a long while. I've been in hibernation post-Uncle Ho takedown, I was a pretty bummed that the only negative blog post I've ever written blew up like that. I see why media like to report bad news - people like that shit. But that's all blown over now and I can go back to not thinking much like Dad says.

I've also put my life on hold in other ways. I did the long-distance thing for over a year. We were going nowhere so that ended. Now I'm back to being a single lady.  I'm not ready to jump back into the wacky world of online dating, and I'm hoping to avoid another online dating horror story. But here's hoping there's a little sunshine, happy times and fun up ahead.

Love,
Jade