KEEP IT IN THE PHAMLY

The six-pointed star isn’t The Star of David. It’s actually the star of Jade Pham. Our Phamly fortuneteller showed me how the six major stars in my birth chart formed a six-pointed star. It represents a lot of things – like my personality, life and entire fate but I’d like to share with you this one meaning: The upwards-facing triangle (man) and down-facing triangle (woman) combined makes me "the perfect balance of male and female. She won’t be prone to hysteria like women because she’s got enough masculinity in her to keep a cool head. She’s also got the will and ambition of men when it comes to career but she’ll be more successful because she’s flexible like a woman.” I’m sure many extreme feminists now find my first tattoo highly offensive.

The colour is derived from my Vietnamese name, which translates literally  to 'Precious Green Jade'. Grandpa named all three Pham siblings without ever meeting us in person so I've always wondered how he knew 'Jade' would suit me to a tee. Mum Pham's always saying how I have a "hard head like a stone," which in English means Mum thinks I'm stubborn as a mule and in my world means pain because she's usually rapping her knuckles on my head when she says it.

My Uncle has a theory on why I've never had a boyfriend. It goes something like, "You're too independent and too intelligent. Guys don't like to feel dumber than their girlfriends, they want a girl who'll rely on them, that they can take care of so they feel useful."

My tarot lady has a theory on why I've never had a boyfriend. It goes something like, "You don't love yourself. It's your fault you attract assholes who take advantage of you."

Dad Pham has a theory on why I've never had a boyfriend. It goes something like, "You're too tough, they probably get intimidated and run the other way." Followed by a fit of wheezing laughter.

My theory goes something like this: It's not me, it's men.

I probably shouldn’t be drawing attention to my ears considering the lengths Dad Pham went to to hide them. He used to tape them down to the sides of my infant head because they stuck so far out they made me look like a clown. He had hoped my ears would fix themselves with a little help from sticky tape. They didn’t.
I had a hang up about my ears poking through my hair for the longest time as a kid and then puberty hit and I realised I had many worse features to occupy my self-consciousness. My ‘fools’ ears’ were forgotten until my housemate revealed he has no ear lobes. What a freak!
Say hello to my new star earrings from The Mookie Market as seen on my less freaky sticky-outie ears. These plastic fantastic stars come in five colours, of which I ordered three in lavender, pop blue and pop yellow. They arrived in a package labeled ‘Costume Earrings’ – I don’t know how I feel about this.

When I used to carry a handbag people assumed I was limping because I had a heavy handbag. Now I’m using a backpack they don’t know why I’m wonky. The trouble is I’m pigeon-toed.

My left leg is longer than my right and points inwards. It means I walk funny and swim funny and dance funny and look funny and my shoes wear out unevenly but I don’t mind any of that. The only part that sucks is when I wear heels for too long it puts too much pressure on my left knee, which is why you’re more likely to see me kicking around in sneakers like my new Keep Shoes.

It’s a bit unfair that I get paid to talk about cute shoes day in and day out, and then I get a free pair for myself but, oh well, life’s tough like that. You just gotta suck it up and roll with the punches. The Homer was available at Hype DC online but looks like they've sold out 'cause I'm a slow-poke blogger so maybe try your luck away from the internet (shock horror!) and head in-store or check out what other Keep Shoes they have in stock.

You’d think some one that’s totally into buyin’ and stylin’ would have a walk-in closet the size of a small apartment, but no, I wish! I cull my wardrobe every 3-6 months to make room for more crap because I’ve been living with 10 milk crates and a pole since my warehouse days. Thought I'd share it with the blog world because it's also a cost efficient wardrobe (free) for broke-ass students and other poor folk.

The milk crates are slightly pimped - it’s me after all. They’re yellow and orange milk crates with an open face for shelving that I spray-painted fire engine red. I went through a really red phase that year. The pole was donated by a friend who moved to Europe where they have poles aplenty so he didn't need to bring his own.

One day I’m going to grow up and get a real wardrobe but right now I’m resisting because sharehouse living and no savings in sight for my own place means I’ll be moving around for at least another half decade and milk crates are so easy to pick apart/assemble and double as moving boxes. To quote Charlie Sheen, “I’m bi-winning!”

As a kid Mum Pham used to call me pancake face because my face was big and round like a pancake, which is fair enough. My face is nowhere near as flat or as tasty as the Vietnamese pancakes mum taught me to make recently:


INGREDIENTS

Pancake mix:
4 cups rice flour
6 cups cold water
5 beaten eggs
2 tablespoons tumeric powder
1 tablespoon curry powder
4 spring onions, thinly sliced
1 tablespoon white vinegar

For frying:

Meaty version
3 medium onions, 1-2cm slices
500g pork belly, thinly sliced

Vego version
500g pre-fried tofu, thinly sliced
300g mushroom, thinly sliced

1. Make the pancake mix by throwing all the ingredients listed above and stirring
2. Heat a frying pan to super hot and pre-fry the onions, pork or tofu, prawn or mushroom
3. Push the contents of the pan onto one half of the pan.
4. Pour a thin layer of the pancake mix around the whole pan face - pick up the pan and swirl it around until the mix is evenly distributed and round (no matter if there's the odd gap)
5. Cover the pan with a lid and leave for about a minute to cook the surface of the mix
6. Put some bean sprout on the half of the pancake with the pre-fried filling and cover with the lid and leave to cook for another minute.
7. Once bean sprouts are cooked (look a little grey), take off the lid and let the pancake fry until the edges start to curl and crisp.
8. Fold the pancake in half by flipping the plain side over the side with the filling and put it on a plate.
9. Repeat steps 1-8 another one or two times and start eating!


When The Phamly eats this meal there's usually someone manning the pans because the dish is best enjoyed hot off the stove. We usually eat the pancake wrapped in lettuce with mint, basil, cucumber and pickled carrot and dipped in fish sauce.

I can't be arsed typing out how to roll it etc. It all ends up mushed in your gut anyway so do what you like!


Captain Catman likes them.

Karen Walker apparel is a little too prissy, sweet, elegant and clean-cut for some one as classless as me. Karen Walker Eyewear, on the other hand, is a whole different story. They got sass, they got spunk, they got that little hint of crazy that I love.

The moment I met her SS11 Number One in black and crystal fluro yellow online I was smitten. Though, I didn't dare add them to the cart. Style rule #1: Know yourself. Myself has an unsubtle head - it's big, round, square and in your face so sharp angles in eyewear can clash terribly. Couple that with a low sitting, nose bridge (Pham genetics) and I'd be a real dumbass if I didn't try before I buy.


While up in Sydney for the New Balance NB574.com launch in May, I went to Incu in Sydney for "retail research" purposes. Yup, very important work business...Ahem. They didn't stock the black and yellow Karen Walkers I wanted but I tried on the shape in crazy tortoise and they sit perfectly somewhere between retro and futuristic.

I will get you one day soon Karen Walker SS11 Number Ones, I will.

If you read my "About page" you will see I have to write in 'boring speak' for work. It's rarely ever about boring events or products. In fact, I'm usually quite excited about everything, that's why it's so irksome having to tone my excitement levels down for a media release.

The great thing about acne medication that dries out your skin, your scalp, your lips and your eyeballs is...there's no great thing about it. However, it does make you ditch the contact lenses and invest in a decent pair of glasses. Good bye grade 10 wire frame IT nerd glasses. Hellooooo thick-framed Star Project glasses.