KEEP IT IN THE PHAMLY

When I moved back to Brisbane after Mum's passing, I was pretty broken and broke. Dad Pham took money out of this mortgage to buy me Luigi, a Hyundai Getz. Luigi was pummeled to death by hailstones and I got Luigi II thanks to RACQ insurance. And my desk buddy thinks insurance is a scam - tsk.

The Luigis helped me set up my life - going to job interviews, my daily commutes, moving houses, and now take Dad on his weekly grocery runs, and many a road trip up and down the Coast with friends. I've had some fun times with Luigi, but with my not so little eldest niece about ready to get her licence, it's time to pay Dad's good will forward to the next gen PhamLe.

For her birthday, I promised her my car once she gets her Ps because it's mainly P-platers and the elderly who drive the Getz. I'm too middle aged for my car. Now it's eldest niece's turn to set up life in this zippy, reliable little vehicle; and time for Aunty Jade to level up her car game.

So.... Any suggestions for a vroom-vroom?

I was an Elle McPherson Intimate Collections fan for the longest time. Things changed when they rebranded with Heidi Klum and the materials and construction lost their quality feel, while the price tag stayed the same. Once I wore my Elle McPherson to death, it was time to find a new favourite.

I don't know any women who enjoy bra shopping. It's always a gamble taking bras into a change room because what looks cute and comfy (rare combo for me) instead pinches in places you forget you have nerves or has room enough in the cup to store multiple socks and maybe a kitten. It took weeks of bra-testing across too many stores in all of the malls before I found my match: the Pleasure State My Fit OMB Super Boost push-push up bras.

I am small-boobed and wear a push up bra that doesn't so much push up as it helps me fill the cup so it doesn't look like I'm a kid playing costume in my mum's bras. The Pleasure State My Fit OMB super boost cup is lined with suede which is soft and comfortable, and the shape holds you in nicely without leaving a cavern between where your boob meets the cup edge. I have, of course, bought multiple quantities in multiple colourways - black, nude, white, blue, grey and red. I'm also eyeing the green, pink and purple. So many options!

Dad Pham had a little heart scare when we got back from Europe in September 2017. He’s on a tonne of daily morning and evening medications now, which Little Sissy Pham dutifully packs each week when we visit. He is forever at risk of a stroke which is scary. He suffers from schizophrenia and that irrational part of him doesn't believe he has a heart condition so sometimes skips medicines that are keeping him alive, which is even scarier.

On one of these occasions he went to hospital with nausea and vomiting. When we later saw him at home, he told us to take his meagre savings when he passes away. Now, Dad Pham likes to preach about not being stingy because we can afford not to be tight-asses so it was shocking to learn he had saved some money. We were financially challenged growing up and into our late 20s but the Pham siblings have come good - we can all take care of ourselves these days, and each other and Dad Pham, which is probably why he could afford to save a bit of money on his single pension.

The point of helping Dad Pham out is so he can spend his twilight years enjoying himself and not having to worry about bills and meals and his kids. As soon as we found out he was saving money to pass onto us one day, we told him to 'Treat yo'self!' instead. It didn't take much convincing, to be honest. He recently got rid of his super old, ratty recliners. They were due to be tossed half a decade ago but he held onto them this long because Mum Pham had loved them so much.

We took him furniture shopping and Ted, a friendly salesman at the local A-Mart lucked out 'cause Dad Pham walked in and within 30 minutes had picked out a leather recliner and 10 dining chairs so we can finally seat everyone at the table. We had planned on me being single forever, but things changed so we've been one chair short ever since. Not any more!

As Dad likes to always tell me when I'm looking for a bargain while grocery shopping, "Stop being cheap - Mum only did that because we couldn't afford nice things. You have money - buy the best there is." Solid advice.

Pham is the fourth most common surname in the Vietnamese community (Nguyen is top at nearly 40%, then Tran & Le) so it wasn't a huge coincidence that our neighbours across the hall in the council flats were Phams. The Other Phams as they are known in our world were a Phamly with three boys and a girl, the youngest. We went to the same primary school and their Middle Brother was in the same year as Big Brother Pham. The younger two kids were closer in age to Little Sissy Pham and me. I don't have any photos with them - I guess none of us had cameras back then.

Big Brother Pham and Middle Brother Other Pham were the best of friends before we moved to Brisbane. I remembered they came over and played computer games a lot at our house, and we'd all play downstairs together. Big Brother Pham and Other Brothers Pham played basketball and cricket while the younger siblings played less coordinated games.

The Other Phams adored Mum Pham and Dad Pham. Middle Brother Other Pham told me that in a way my parents were more like parents to them than their own. Sadly for The Other Phams, their parents worked crazy hours and were always away. Unlike my parents who were on a pension and always home, so super attentive of us spoiled Pham siblings.

Often we'd come home from school or grocery shopping on weekends, and one or more of the kids would be sitting on the steps outside the landing to our respective flats because their parents weren't home, and they were locked out. Mum Pham would invite them to ours, and feed them snacks and if their parents weren't home in time dinner too. I still remember Little Brother Other Pham stuffing his face on chicken wings, home made hot chips, and tomato sauce like there was no tomorrow. Funny how random memories stick.

Life in Melbourne wouldn't have been the same without The Other Phams next door. In my hazy childhood memories, it didn't seem odd that they were always around because as kids you just accept that the world is the way it is. It wasn't until we reconnected years later that I learned how special this time in the flats was for them. I hope Mum Pham knew how much of a positive impact she had on The Other Pham siblings. She did a lot of good things for people without asking for thanks, and I still learn new ways to appreciate her to this day several years after she's passed. Thanks Mum for taking care of all Phams.


If you want to start from the beginning of Phamly history, read:
Part 1 - O Captain! My Captain! Dad Pham's navy days during the Vietnam War.
Part 2 - P.O.W. Viet Cong Re-education Camp Dad Pham's time as a prisoner of war.
Part 3 - Living with Viet Cong Mum Pham's experience with communism.
Part 4 - Boat People Dad Pham seeks refuge after the war.
Part 5 - Finding Faith Dad finds peace.
Part 6 - When Herr met Frau - Dad Pham meets Mum Pham.
Part 7 - Life in Germany: the early years - Dad Pham sets up life in Germany.
Part 8 - Life in Germany: the later years - Dad gets sick, Mum steps up.
Part 9 - Getting ready for Australia - Mum Pham is on a mission.
Part 10 - Coming to Australia - My first memories of Australia.
Part 11 - Live in Brisbane the first time - The story of why we left Brisbane.
Part 12 - Moving to Melbourne - First impressions.
Part 13 - Life in Melbourne - Dad Pham - The good old days.
Part 14 - The Other Phams - Our neighbours in Melbourne were Phams too.
Part 15 - Life in Melbourne - Mum Pham - Our Sunday Phamly traditions began in Melbourne.
Part 16 - Cats On A Train - Moving to Brisbane
Part 17 - Sleepwalking Scare - Moving to Brisbane continued
Part 18 - A House in Brisbane - Moving to Brisbane continued some more

This year didn't start out so great, but overall it has been a fun year. Some of my (blog) highlights are:

1. I learned I'm a mouth breathing, noisy eater.
2. I kept up my weekly dance but not dance-dance classes Groove Therapy with Wanida Serce. Though, I didn't keep up with ballet because I moved to another part of town. Instead I'm going to sign up to the local gym next week. Shock-horror.
3. I got to see a Vietnamese American actress star in a western teen movie for the first time - To All The Boys I've Loved Before. Time's are changing y'all.
4. I got a new phone, and I didn't know it has automatic face blur on the selfie camera for the past 9 months even though in the original post, you can clearly see how crispy the front facing camera is compared to the self-facing camera. D'oh.
5. But of course, my top highlight, is living with the boyfriend who makes every day extra fun.

Not all of my gifts are joke gifts. Some of the time they are thoughtful and meaningful. Not this one though. This gift idea stems from pure selfishness. I needed an excuse to take photos of my camera-averse Boyfriend every day and now I finally have it.

When I lived in Melbourne I'd visit The Phamly 3-4 times a year and talk on the phone with Mum Pham every couple of days. Boyfriend's mum lives in Perth, which is about as far away from Brisbane as you can get within Australia so quarterly visits aren't so easy. They talk regularly, but for his first year in Brisbane his mum could only visit us once. She got to see where he lives and meet me and Dad Pham, but it's hard to learn what someone's life is like in one weekend.

When her birthday was approaching... then came...then went, and Boyfriend had only called her to wish her happy birthday because their family don't do gifting, my brain started to tick. We had to do something for Xmas. Life is too short not to show people you love that you appreciate them.

What would Mum Pham have liked if we lived far apart and we hardly ever got to see one another? Lightbulb! 'A year in the life of' photo project about Boyfriend for his mum. I pitched the idea as a daily calendar so it's sort of practical but mainly so she can learn more of his Brisbane life. We could send her prints in monthly packs so the moments captured would be recent and relevant. It's something she will look at every day to remember that a) she has a son and b) he loves her and misses her.

Boyfriend normally yells no to gifts, but he was fully behind this idea. He got to designing the calendar pages, while I took on the difficult task of photographing my favourite human going about his life. We found an iPad holder (like a compact cookbook holder) at Kmart which fit prints in size 6" x 8" nicely. He sent the iPad holder and photos for the month of January. She opened it today for Christmas, and it made her cry - hopefully, they were happy tears and not because I didn't think to set my phone camera to the highest quality for better prints. Oops.

Merry Christmas everyone, hope you have the best time showing your loved ones how much you care!

It finally happened. I'm a senior team member. Not because of career progression, but because I've been alive so much longer than most of my colleagues I have more work and life experience, which makes me appear more grown up and responsible. Doesn't mean I am though.

I like me a quirky office antic like Work Bestie, Tuna Breath and Corny Chips. So when this year's office Xmas party delivered unto me the happiest team photo I've ever seen or been in, I just had to do something with it for the team.

Enter Vistaprint - I've never used the site before, but Little Sissy Pham loves a good, thoughtful photo printed mug so I knew they are decent for a budget printing business. I couldn't do something classy like a mug for the boys in my Development team though. No, they don't use mugs. They live on a well-balanced diet of kombucha, Pepsi Max and beer - all of which come in bottles and cans.

Instead, I opted for photo printed mouse pads because it's somewhat practical, and relevant for our computer-life team. I thought they'd laugh the gift off and eat the accompanying chocolates only, but all the boys are using their mouse pads with glee. Even the guy who isn't in our team but made it into the photo loved the mouse pads so much that I gave him my one. Don't you worry, I'm getting myself another print of the photos - this time on a mug because I drink tea like an adult whose body would shut down if I drank a can of Pepsi Max a day like my Work Pham.

It might seem a bit impulsive to move out with someone I'd been dating for only a few months, but the beginnings of our friendship then courtship then relationship happened during some very trying times at work where we met.

I got to see how he handled himself in a tense situation and I fell in love with what I saw. He kept his cool and showed more integrity than I could have mustered given his circumstances. I was ready to rage-quit on principle, which would have been way more impulsive than moving in together so quickly. Boyfriend, being the level-headed person he is, convinced me to use my head and not my outraged moral compass. Another thing I love about him - he's got my back and always looks out for me. Except in his sleep when he sometimes accidentally punches me in the face (he vehemently denies this but I never woke up with a swollen nose when I slept alone for all of my life so...).

I'm grateful we went through tough times early on - it made us closer and I gained immense respect for him. I know him better than most people I've known for years. People show their true colours when they're under pressure.

It all worked out for the best. If we still worked together we wouldn't have moved in together; and if he hadn't left when he did, he wouldn't have found his current dream role. The only downside is we work on opposite sides of town now and live in between, so these days I don't dawdle at work or hang out with the crew 'cause I'm rushing home to meet my favourite person in the middle.

Dad Pham used Little Sissy Pham's old, pink Motorola flip phone and would never have changed phones if it weren't for the whole 2G network becoming obsolete. For some reason (laziness) I left it to Little Sissy, the least techie of the three Pham siblings, to find Dad's next phone. She got Dad an Aspera F24 Seniors Big Button Flip Phone. The phone says it's for seniors but Dad found the user interface counterintuitive and the sound too quiet for his failing hearing. Dad struggled with it for nearly a year thinking his troubles with the phone were his failing to adopt new technology, but really the new technology was failing him. When he remembered how to turn on loudspeaker, the sound was fuzzy and hard to hear. Finally, he gave up and let us get him a new phone.

Round 2 started with Little Sis calling me an idiot for letting her choose Dad's phone and I should have done it. She's right. This time I went on the hunt for a seniors friendly phone that was intuitive, easy to use, and LOUD. I found the Olitech Easy Mate+ phone via intensive googling and research. There aren't too many phones for Seniors on the market and most seemed too much like the dudAspera F24. The Olitech Easy Mate+, however, is designed and produced by people who have worked in occupational therapy, and orthotics and prosthetics so they understand the accessibility challenges of technology for people who are less able-bodied.

Unfortunately, no big tech stores seem to have picked up this handset so I couldn't have a look at it in person before buying. Instead, I took a punt and ordered the phone direct from Olitech online. Worth it.

Dad loves his new phone and I do too. These days I can clearly hear Dad squirming to hang up on me. He's not a big talker so our calls are always super efficient and all about agreeing on logistics for Phamly plans, and occasionally an appointment or social event he needs one of us to taxi him to.

The sound quality on the Olitech Easy Mate+ is clear and loud. The buttons are nice and big. The user interface is easy to use because it's intuitive and logical. I only had to show Dad how to do things once and he got the hang of it. It's well thought out and designed. I cannot recommend this phone enough to seniors who just want a phone they can use to make calls and text.

Even though he was far from Phamly in Brisbane, Dad had the best time in Melbourne with his old navy buddies. Melbourne was where he was most relaxed and, even though we were a poor Phamly and Mum had to stretch every cent of their pensions and our youth allowance to keep a roof over our heads, electricity in the home, and food on the table; it was also the first time Dad felt at home since he'd left Vietnam. Germany was where he had to make his home after the war, but we were very much outsiders. Melbourne is where he had community and friendship - and Vietnamese food!

Distance and Dad Pham's penchant for changing phone numbers every few years because he gets over being popular and wants to hermit for a while put him out of touch with most of his friends. Recently, a Melbourne friend called him after nearly a decade without contact and it sent him down memory lane.

Dad used to go for sauna and swim session most days, and morning walks or bike rides along Maribyrnong River with this friend. Bac Yen tracked down Dad's number through a mutual friend and for over an hour they caught up on each other's lives, compared old age battle stories, and reminisced about the past. For a full week, Dad was keen to win the lotto so he could move us all down to live in a row of townhouses and be near his favourite Melbourne people and spots. That fantasy died when he remembered how cold Melbourne gets, and how he can barely cope with Brisbane winters now. If anyone has lived through Brisbane winters, it's cardigan weather (if that) for Melbourne peeps.

Melbourne may have been the happiest time of his life, but Dad came to realise the past is past and even if he moved down things wouldn't be what they were. He and his friends no longer have the energy to go for long walks every day, and the massive feasts wouldn't be the same without Mum Pham to cook and host them.

I wonder what time in my life I will look back on as my fondest. I'm kinda loving where I'm at now. But Dad likes to remind me that I'm simple, and I'm always happy because I'm content with what I have. Maybe I won't have a favourite time of my life, because pretty much all of it is my favourite. Even Mum's inevitable passing, though devastating as it was, taught me to love and appreciate on a deeper level than I had before so I don't look back on that time as a bad part of my life.



If you want to start from the beginning of Phamly history, read:
Part 1 - O Captain! My Captain! Dad Pham's navy days during the Vietnam War.
Part 2 - P.O.W. Viet Cong Re-education Camp Dad Pham's time as a prisoner of war.
Part 3 - Living with Viet Cong Mum Pham's experience with communism.
Part 4 - Boat People Dad Pham seeks refuge after the war.
Part 5 - Finding Faith Dad finds peace.
Part 6 - When Herr met Frau - Dad Pham meets Mum Pham.
Part 7 - Life in Germany: the early years - Dad Pham sets up life in Germany.
Part 8 - Life in Germany: the later years - Dad gets sick, Mum steps up.
Part 9 - Getting ready for Australia - Mum Pham is on a mission.
Part 10 - Coming to Australia - My first memories of Australia.
Part 11 - Live in Brisbane the first time - The story of why we left Brisbane.
Part 12 - Moving to Melbourne - First impressions.
Part 13 - Life in Melbourne - Dad Pham - The good old days.
Part 14 - The Other Phams - Our neighbours in Melbourne were Phams too.
Part 15 - Life in Melbourne - Mum Pham - Our Sunday Phamly traditions began in Melbourne.
Part 16 - Cats On A Train - Moving to Brisbane
Part 17 - Sleepwalking Scare - Moving to Brisbane continued
Part 18 - A House in Brisbane - Moving to Brisbane continued some more