KEEP IT IN THE PHAMLY

Over the Xmas to NYE break, B.Rad and B.Jammin' (aka "my gays") invited me to stay with them in the Northern Rivers area. The boys were in Lismore for Tropical Fruits Festival, a four-day GLBTI celebration which is bloody amazing and far too fabulous for someone as straight, sober and not into electronica as my dull self so I didn't stay for NYE or the recovery parties on NYD. Though, I marched in the gay pride parade in town a couple of days before, because unity and also because my gays said I didn't have an option.

I hardly get to see the B.Boys now we live in different states, so I drove down in my bum-numbing cheap car for their excellent company and great day trips to beautiful beaches, waterfalls and swimming holes. It was bloody friggin' hot though, and there's only so much nature us city plebs can handle before we melt. Whenever we weren't in or near water we struggled majorly.

Luckily, my gays had friends nearby and said friends had a life-restoring pool. These friends were so warm, welcoming and fun that when I got back home to Brisbane, I knew I had to make them my first act of Other People's Happiness for 2017. I sent them a couple of inflatable pool games as a thank you for being amazing, strong, hilarious women and for saving my life because I'm pretty sure I would have died from embarrassment at how poorly I was handling the heat. Hopefully, they have a little happy moment when they receive the card & gifts.

Thank you again, Katrina & Alex for being awesome human beings! I appreciate you.

I'm usually not allowed to deal with the public at work - a self-enforced rule because dressing like rainbow vomit, shaved hair and head tattoos isn't quite on-brand for the day job. But every now and then during festival season, I'm forced to step out from behind the scenes - mainly because there's no one else to do what needs doing, and make a rare public appearance.

This week, I learned of a slightly distressed couple who had lost their 2x irreplaceable tickets to a very sold out Listen Out festival. Tickets are like cash y'all - hold onto them tight because once they're gone, they're gone for good! It took a few days and a little rejigging within the team, but I was able to offer them 2x VIP passes. When I called to tell him the good news, the first thing Damian asked was, "Is anyone in your team going to miss out?"  He was more concerned about others than himself. That made my day - other people's happiness is even better when they're good people.

At the end of a long week, I re-read his happy email. It made me smile. Though, now the festival's nearly over I'm going back into my hidey hole. Until next time....

(So you know, my team didn't miss out either. Everyone wins.)

Today in Perth I ran into a friend at the airport - he was in town for Stereosonic as was I, yet we only managed to cross paths at Perth airport. Probably because we didn't make solid plans and 35,000 other people at the festival slimmed our chances of a random encounter somewhat. But there are only so many flights back to Brisbane on a Monday evening.

I worked at Universal Store's Banger Beach at Stereosonic in Perth over the weekend. It's all fun and games until you get a bandana sunburn and tan line across your forehead because you kept telling staff to be sun safe and didn't tell yourself. Ijiut.

I adore my nieces to the point of obsession and sometimes I worry I'm like one of those doting parents who thinks their child poops rainbows and vomits unicorns, but even worse because I'm only an Aunty. I feel vindicated for thinking my nieces are exceptional little human beings because last month Middling Niece was given a spirit of the school award (one student gets this per year level) that said:

Mother's Day had me thinking about Mum Pham as it always does. ​Mum Pham loved watching TV game shows like Wheel of Fortune and the Price is Right because she got a thrill from seeing other people's happiness. She didn't care about the actual games, some of the time I don't think she even understood what was going on in the show but every afternoon like clockwork she'd be at the TV enjoying other people winning because happiness breeds happiness.

On Xmas Eve my boyfriend kicked me out of my house because he's a jerk...and he wanted to surprise me. When I came home my bedroom door was closed and there was a single balloon stuck on it along with a note handwritten in Vietnamese with a message he'd gotten translated by Dad Pham (swoon, shame my Vietnamese is so bad I didn't understand half of his message until he told me after). BF gave me a pair of scissors and told me to pop it - it was a preview of what was to come. Lots of love and lots of yum.

Even though I was on a dating spree and had a Valentine this year, I ditched my beau for a single ladies date night because it’s my birthday and I can do what I want to. Which turned out to be being good boyfriend to my girlfriends.

I have mostly fond memories of growing up in the now demolished council flats in Kensington, Melbourne. Except for two violent ball related memories. One was getting a painful leg and ass-whooping from Mum Pham and her feather duster for having a $2 black and blue soccer ball stolen from the playground while we climbed on rocks.

This is a story about a potato chip tree I made for a guy at work who I'll call Broke Back Boy because he hurt his back. Don't worry, Broke Back Boy's okay. This story is a happy one because he recovers quickly AND he gets a potato chip tree!

The Potato Chip Tree got me great compliments like, 'You're weird.' from the recipient and 'So random' by some one else. Even I think it's a bit ridiculous. I don't know how my brain leapt to a chip tree but I started at - oh no, he's hurt. Then, I should do something nice. Food obviously. Followed by, the freak doesn't eat chocolate. Opposite of chocolate? Potato chips. That's boring. [i don't understand this leap to] Potato Chip Tree!

Initially I was going to stick them on a weighted bottle (probably coke) but at the supermarket I discovered multi-pack chips come in boxes now. I don't eat small [read: recommended] servings - Little Sissy Pham and I can hoover a 175g party pack in one sitting... each. So I bought a Red Rock Deli multi-pack because the box assured me it had 'adult servings' inside and I'm always telling myself I should be more grown up.

The Potato Chip Tree is the chip packs stuck on the outside of their box, which I cut into the shape of an Xmas tree, stapled branches together to centre the weight then added a rolled up bit of box cut-offs in the base to make the tree trunk stronger. All the bags are held on by sticky tape and I made a complete mess of it taping bags to bags and branches and other bags... good luck plucking the chip packs off, Broke Back Boy. Get well soon!

Sorry it's been a few weeks since I've posted. You know how life sometimes just gets in the way... and by life I mean my life as a kung fu fighting monk in the Diablo 3 world of Sanctuary. Anyhoo, here we go:
I have a thing about generic greeting cards - that thing is: I don't like them. I prefer to pay the extra couple of bucks for a pop-up card or cards with personality or something that makes it that little bit different. After all, if some one deserves a card, they deserve a good card.

I also hate cards that have a generic message inside. I only use blank ones that force you to think about what you want to say to the person that you're going to give the card to. Seriously, take five minutes out of your life to put some thought and sincerity into the gift you're giving.

Or if you don't know what you want to say, buy something like this little gem I found in Australian National Geographic stores. They have snow globe gift cards with a tiny circle where you can just sign your name really big if you can't think of what to write. The joy someone will get from popping up this card is all they need - who cares what you had to say but couldn't!

I'll get off my greeting card high horse now. Please carry on.

It was Mother's Day the day after Dad Pham's 67th birthday. To celebrate, Little Sissy Pham nearly ran over Dad Pham with her car - I assume to honour Mum Pham's memory by taking out her living competition? Sissy Pham reckons she technically only nearly knocked him over with a part of her car (the open door)… yeah, because there's a real difference. Either way, she nearly killed our father the day after his birthday.

I used a less aggressive approach to Mother's Day. I took inspiration from the awesome Book of J.E.M. my friends made me and made a photo memory book to give to my Sister-Not-In-Law, the mother of the two most beautiful nieces an overbearing Aunty could ask for.  I've taken some hilarious, sweet, cute, crazy, embarassing photos of the girls over the past 8-9 years. My goal was to mortify them on their 21st birthdays but the photos came in handy earlier than anticipated.

I viewed and mapped and planned and counted and culled and edited and printed and cut and pasted then decorated 233 photos into a 50-page craft book for the whole day. It took about 10 hours in total and one nearly burst blood vessel when Mini-Me (niece #2) tried to help and messed up my OCD-quality ordered stack of photos (Big Brother Pham had to herd her away before I died from self-restraint) but we got there in the end!
I wish I'd taken a photo of the finished product with all the Pham's handwritten notes inside the cover but by the time I remembered to, Little Sissy Pham had already gift wrapped it. You'll just have to trust me when I say the PhamLe Mother's Day book of 2012 is awesome.

We also did a Buddhist cermonial prayer for Mum Pham, which Dad wants to make our new tradition because it's happier than the annual ceremony we'll do for her day of passing. The ceremony involves incense, sending love to mum and eating food so I'm all for it. Hope everyone had a nice Mother's Day too!

I love crafty gifts. Actually, I love gifts of any kind. I even loved receiving a free sample of Kool'n'Soothe migraine relief in the mail even though I don't get migraines and have had maybe four heat-stroke or dehydration headaches in my lifetime. FYI, the sample went to a good friend who's suffered regular migraines since the age of 9 and said they worked a treat!

I got the best crafty gift over Xmas. My girlfriends made a photo album of all our fun times since meeting about 3 years ago. I call it The Book of J.E.M. (Jade, Elaine and Misty). Glad I changed my name from Ngoc to Jade otherwise we would have been The Book of M.E.N. and that could be misinterpreted. Here are a few of my favourite pages from the J.E.M.: